@tv-freak @colliholly @owlgams @walkyourtv @mranttennawireplaytime

I might be nonbinary/agender or smthg of that sort but it's really hard to be sure bc I can't use my feelings about my body as an indicator of anything gender related bc as we all know I am the world record holder for 'worst relationship with their body'. like I hate that shit regardless of gender. And I also don't mind being she/her'd by people, like I don't want to medically transition and don't mind if I'm perceived as a woman. my feelings about my gender are less 'being androgynous feels right, being a woman feels wrong' and more 'none of it feels any particular way, I don't really care.' like in an ideal world I'd have no sex characteristics at all and my body would be different but I also suffer sex aversion, discomfort with being sexualized, and body dysmorphia. so it's possible none of that means anything

Ok so like. If I could magically transform overnight into any form of my choice, I'd make myself thin, flat chested, and with no genitals just smooth like a barbie doll down there. But I can't do that. And people will always see me as a woman. And more than anything else, it's important to me that I be seen as 'attractive', so I don't really care what gender people see me as, as long as they think I'm an attractive member of that gender. And because people will always see me as a woman, it is important to me that I'm a conventionally attractive woman - not bc I really feel any personal stake in it, just bc I have to be fuckable or I have zero value. im just saying if I were thin I probably would present much more neutrally (binding, etc) but I don't do it bc when I tried I didn't look androgynous I looked like an ugly (uglier) fat woman, bc my feminine features are all that make me attractive to mainstream society and if I am ugly then I may as well die

I might be nonbinary/agender or smthg of that sort but it's really hard to be sure bc I can't use my feelings about my body as an indicator of anything gender related bc as we all know I am the world record holder for 'worst relationship with their body'. like I hate that shit regardless of gender. And I also don't mind being she/her'd by people, like I don't want to medically transition and don't mind if I'm perceived as a woman. my feelings about my gender are less 'being androgynous feels right, being a woman feels wrong' and more 'none of it feels any particular way, I don't really care.' like in an ideal world I'd have no sex characteristics at all and my body would be different but I also suffer sex aversion, discomfort with being sexualized, and body dysmorphia. so it's possible none of that means anything

Ok so like. If I could magically transform overnight into any form of my choice, I'd make myself thin, flat chested, and with no genitals just smooth like a barbie doll down there. But I can't do that. And people will always see me as a woman. And more than anything else, it's important to me that I be seen as 'attractive', so I don't really care what gender people see me as, as long as they think I'm an attractive member of that gender. And because people will always see me as a woman, it is important to me that I'm a conventionally attractive woman - not bc I really feel any personal stake in it, just bc I have to be fuckable or I have zero value. im just saying if I were thin I probably would present much more neutrally (binding, etc) but I don't do it bc when I tried I didn't look androgynous I looked like an ugly (uglier) fat woman, bc my feminine features are all that make me attractive to mainstream society and if I am ugly then I may as well die