current hyperfixation

I subtract 2 from the 27 and add it to the 48!

hello hello, thanks for the ask!

WRITING MUSLIM CHARACTERS

stereotypes to avoid

– the “oppressed hijabi” trope

listen, most of us wear hijab because we want to. because we grew up around it. because it’s as natural as wearing a shirt. please stop acting as though we all despise our hijab and our religion

– the “misunderstanding parents” trope

why are all muslim parents emotionally or physically abusive in fiction? i personally have an amazing relationship with my parents. also not all muslim parents are trying to suck the joy out of their children’s lives. they’re just trying to keep their kids safe. also this trope usually gets pretty racist because the reason they don’t understand their child is because they’re “not from here” and “don’t get how things are done” so yknow, avoid that.

– the “abusive dad” trope

listen. i’m fully aware that abusive parents are horrible and something that people should be made aware of, but when every muslim dad in fiction is abusive, that’s just islamophobia. just. give us good relationships with our family!!!

– the “silent mom” trope

how come muslim mothers in fiction have no lines? have no voice? they’re just silent products of a household there to cook and clean. what is that all about?? please. just stop

– the “White Boy Romance” trope

oh, all muslims know where i’m going with this Do. Not. Have. A. Hijabi. Take. Off. Her. Hijab. For. A. White. Boy. please. don’t have her take it off, period. but especially not for romance. actually, if your narrative involves a muslim girl stepping away from her religion and taking off her hijab and realizing she’s happier this way, throw the whole story away. i’m sorry, but if you’re not muslim, this isn’t something for you to write about. this is not your story to write, and writing it will be extremely islamophobic. avoid a typical romance. muslim romances do not occur the way western romances do. either you gotta be okay with that and write it properly, or you should do your best to avoid it altogether.

THINGS TO DO

– let them have friends!! let them have muslim friends!! especially if they live in an area that has a high muslim population.

– let them talk about things that aren’t their religion. listen, my muslim friends and i talk about religion occasionally, but i can assure you, more of our conversation revolves around the hot boy of the week or about whatever shows we’re watching. and in terms of non-muslim friends, religion isn’t a point of tension. we respect and celebrate our differences, and that’s it. we talk about it sometimes, but we don’t argue about it

– make it clear that we’re muslim without just saying it. have us take a step aside to pray. have a character compliment our hijabs. have us fast in ramadan (or make up fasts in the winter). have us eat halal meat. say bismillah before we eat. say alhamdulillah after sneezing or when we’re thankful. subhanallah when we see something beautiful

– we’re not nuns. we find people attractive. we discuss it. it’s not a big deal

– make sure we have a personality that doesn’t revolve around our religion. yes, our religion can be a huge aspect of our identity and life, but no, it’s not the only thing. make them obsessed with a show. give them nervous habits. what do they collect? are they introverted? you tell me!

– avoid intimately close friendships with the opposite gender. casual acquaintances is fine, but this is something i would personally avoid writing if possible

– research what is haram. i’ll give you a basic list:

- pork

- meat that isn’t halal

- gelatin (unless it’s plant gelatin or from a halal store)

- missing prayers

- sex before or outside of marriage

- cheating in any way

- abuse towards your family (yes, this may come as a shock to some, but it’s actually prohibited by islam)

- drinking

- drugs

do more research, of course, but this is a basic list.

i think that about covers it: don’t stereotype us, make sure it’s noticeable that we’re muslims, give us personalities, and make sure we’re avoiding haram stuff

op is absolutely right. this is coming from someone who researches and teaches on age and society professionally. modern western society is age-segregated to an unprecedented degree and there is ample evidence that it is absolutely fucking us over. it’s linked to everything from economic hardship to mental health crises.

intergenerational friendships are important. adults who never interact with young people outside of a defined institutional relationship with a built-in power imbalance (like being a parent or teacher) don’t develop the capacity to treat young people as equals, which reinforces patterns of abuse, neglect, social disempowerment, and silencing. young people who lack meaningful connections with adults outside of those same institutions miss out on an incredible source of support and guidance. and everyone misses out on the basic human joy of friendships that could have been really meaningful if we didn’t have this weird, broken ideology that says young people have nothing interesting to say, and no value to adults who don’t either want to raise them or exploit them or both.

like, sure, with any relationship between a minor and an adult, the adult has a responsibility that the minor doesn’t. some shit only comes from life experience. but like… that teen who comes to dnd on fridays, the younger coworker, that person met through fandom? i’m not gonna pretend we’re not friends just because i’m older than they are.

Intergenerational friendships are like??? So varied?????

Like maybe you’re 16 and working your first job, and you have an old Chinese man as a regular who sits at a table and reads the Chinese newspaper his family mails him, and you start sitting down and talking to him when it’s slow. And he tells you all about the life he’s lived, of being a child in the aftermath of world war two. And he talks to you about the prejudice he’s seen, and the way he sees people treat each other, and how much things have changed. And you learn a lot.

Or you meet a 30-something mother of two that walks with a cane in a group therapy session, and when you speak to her she opens up about her struggles with drugs, and how she wishes to stay better so she can be there for her kids. And she teaches you about having a more open mind when it comes to religious beliefs when you’re an edgy atheist teen.

Or you’re very isolated in your hobbies, and you meet a group of college students that share your interests and are fine letting you join in on their card games and D&D, and you not only learn the games but you get used to a group that’s accepting and just wants to have fun and make everyone comfy, and you learn not every group of people has to be judgemental and scary.

You’re saying that instead of making teens aware of the signs of toxic relationships, and keeping an open line of communication so we can help them take notice of and avoid these things… You’d rather we lock teens in a box where they’re deprived of the positives?

Force so many teens to be around peers that bully and disregard them, when they have prospective friends in local clubs and support groups that just aren’t necessarily in their peer group?

Hardcore Tumblr users really are just puritans huh? Hell even historically, households were made of many generations, and kids helped out in the community and met the adults that kept it going.

Years later we still get updates on her life, and a bunch of those people went to see her perform on stage six years later when she got the lead role in her college(!!!) production of She Kills Monsters.

I got really close to an adult volunteer with a queer youth group in high school, and she took me in like an odd, overenthusiastic niece. I did have a crush on her a little, but it was the sort of thing that teaches you what you like in a person without meaning anything more than that. She and her wife loaned me a pile of lesbian books to read, taught me to cook, and helped me learn to drive. They were like family. 

My grandmother’s friends, who I’ve known all my life, are also my friends. One of them is in the last year of her life now, and as sad as I am to lose her, I’m so grateful to have known her, to have been friends with her as close as she and my grandmother were. I’m also grateful my grandmother and I can share this grief and joy.

Y'all are thinking of the water as n ingredient- what you gotta do is think of it like an oven.

Think about baking cookies- you can have all the best ingredients, all the perfect measurements, all the right consistency- but if the oven is too hot or you leave the dough in for the wrong amount of time, you don't have cookies, you have sludge or charcoal.

With tea, the water is the oven.

White and green teas are delicate and prone to scalding- IE, the cookies burn easy. Put the water to a low boil, with small bubbles- tiny, like pinheads- and pour the water onto your leaves in the teapot to steep for 1-2 minutes- one teaspoon of tea per cup of water. Then strain the tea without squeezing the leaves- squeezing and crushing releases more of the natural tannins, which are healthy for you but taste bitter.

Likewise, the shape of the leaf can alter the taste- whole leaf teas are more expensive and take longer to steep, but have a subtle, pleasant taste that can have a lot of layers to it.

Read which are granular and crushed up are called Fannings- they're typically cheaper, as they're the castings that come from whole leaf tea processing, and they steep faster, but they also turn bitter easily and cloud the tea's color. Fannings usually have a strong, bold flavour compared to whole leaf variations, but lack complexity.

Next are oolong teas- oolong teas come from the same plant as white and green teas, as well as black tea. The difference between the four is the oxidization of the plant- the Tea plant.

Oxidization is the process that causes the leaf to change color- white teas are the least oxidized and black teas are the most oxidized.

An oolong is a tea leaf that isn't quite oxidized enough to be called a black tea. It usually has a reddish color to it, and can steep any color from amber to deep red. It also has a good but of caffeine in it, and a more bitter taste than green or white tea. I personally enjoy oolongs because the ones sold in my area tend to have a sort of woodsy-fireplace kind of taste.

To prepare an oolong, take one teaspoon of leaf per cup of water, and bring your water to a medium boil- the bubbles should be the size of the tip of your finger, no bigger. Pour the water onto the leaf and steep for 3-5 minutes.

Again, be sure not to squeeze the leaves while straining.

Black tea is the most oxidized leaf, and also contains the highest concentration of caffeine.

Black tea is also sturdy and hard to bruise, so to prepare it, you can bring the water to a full rolling boil and steep it around 4-5 minutes.

Black teas also tastes the most bitter of all the variations I've listed, so be aware of that. Depending on how they're processed, though, they can have a wide range of warm, smoky flavors.

The darker the leaf, the longer it usually needs to steep, and the more bitter it is, but the more caffeine it has.

The smaller the leaf, the cheaper, faster, and stronger the flavor, but also less subtle the taste.

Good green teas are typically bright, vibrant green.

White tea, contrary to the name, produces pale yellowish or greenish tea.

Herbal teas are 1 to 1.5 teaspoons per cup of water, at a rolling boil, and should usually steep at Least 5 minutes.

Again, contrary to the name, Herbal Tea isn't technically Tea, as it doesn't actually contain Leaves from the Tea plant- these are called tisanes by detail-oriented nerds like me.

Herbal teas can be made of anything from dried fruits to flowers to vegetables, spices, and garden herbs, and don't have any caffeine unless intentionally added.

Herbal tea also doesn't release the tannins that green, oolong, and black do, so it doesn't typically turn bitter with time.

Do be careful not to steep too long, though, because it can turn too strong and pungent to drink.

Each tea blend is different, and is specifically designed to be prepared a certain way to get the intended taste, so these guidelines will vary from tea to tea, but the important thing is that you find something you genuinely enjoy.

It doesn't matter if what you like is some fancy expensive matcha or a cheap dollar store chai; as long as you enjoy it, there's no wrong choice.

To beat the metaphor: Please don't force yourself to eat burnt cookies!

The trick is more leaves, not more time. Yes, it’ll be more expensive per cup, but at least you’ll still be able to enjoy the not-bitter flavor your tea is supposed to have. Remember, it’s all about you enjoying your tea, so if 1.5 teaspoons isn’t strong enough, feel free to keep adding until it is.

i am allowed to be angry with people when they hurt me, even if they are sensitive and cant cope well with being told they did something wrong. their sensitivity does not mean i have to bottle up my feelings & their lack of coping skills does not make me expressing my anger abusive.