MANGO VIBES ONLY

[ID: ceramic sculptures shaped like a slouched bag of Botan brand rice, a rectangular metal can of Kikkoman soy sauce, a jar of Lao Gan Ma chili crisp, and a strip of Kasugai fruit gummy candies. End ID]

My friend is trying to name herself, and she's like, "Oh, what's that name that's like marmalade, but it's a name?" and I know she means Adelaide, but I think I can talk her into naming herself Marmalade if I play my cards right here.

Not in a hateful, cruel way, but because my name is Newt, and I think "Newt & Marmalade" sounds like a detective agency that solves mysteries for tiny garden critters.

a couple weeks ago this guy posted in the chicago pagan facebook group saying that he’s a djinn and that there’s a portal between here and egypt and only he and one other person had the power to close it and there was going to be a massive sandstorm… like dude, close the fucking portal, why are you even telling us this

yeah sorry im the annoying strawman leftist who you cant watch fantasy with because when they introduce a kingdom and expect you to sympathize with the ruling family i roll my eyes and make an exaggerated jerk off motion

Let's roll with mama

A lot of people in the world are simply not being excellent to each other and I do not know how I am meant to party on, dude, in these conditions

jurassic park has a good philosophical message but unfortunately the only thing i ever take away from watching jurassic park is "god i wish i could go to jurassic park." like yeah it's a blatantly obvious don't create the torment nexus scenario, but this torment nexus has DINOSAURS.

I mean yeah. I would totally go.

oh thank god