The Jelly Fox

Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.

Untie yourself from that altar right now.

Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.

That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.

Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.

Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.

if ur skinny and u get all sad and mopey like "ohhh im so fat )): im so ugly and fat ))): being fat is the worst thing i could possibly be ))): i shoud lose weight and quit being so awful and fat ):" you owe every fat person 1 million dollars and if you say this shit to fat people directly, 2 million, and if you say "oh youre cute though but IM ugly and fat, i dont hate fat people i just dont want to be fat" when said fat person is upset about you saying how much you hate yourself for "being fat" its 3 million

someone will post something i agree with and I'll be like "yeah I'll reblog" then therell be a reblog from the poster like "YOU CAN REBLOG THIS BTW. YOU HAVE TO REBLOG THIS BTW" and then i wont

I mean, in some very interesting Technically Correct ways, they didn't actually die? Now, they're very much no longer alive. But the forces involved are such that they didn't get any of the usual cellular processes of death, they simply went from biology to physics in less time than it takes a signal to travel down your optic nerve.

if you go from biology to physics without dying first you don’t go to heaven the uber driver went over this already

you’re laughing. they r preparing him into mochi and your laughing.