arise Sir Lewis

Having to listen to Lana Del Rey in your gay friends’ cars and pretend it doesn’t sound like an old man trying to read a poem on his deathbed

what if scurvy makes me kinder

santa put me on the Nuanced list this year

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

one hundred and seventy dollars

the older i get, the more i need time & personal space to be as boring as possible

I understand old men sitting on porches staring at an empty field more now than ever.

BREAKING: a bi-curious hot dog vendor at Yankee Stadium has posted a Spotify link.

tips

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

The gnomes beat the shit out of you again?

The gnomes beat the shit out of me again.

'not dishwasher safe' don't care i'm crazy. i'd put the holy grail in that thing

was sloppy joe a real man

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of creating an account and verifying my email and enabling 2 step verification and downloading the app and opting out of targeted ads and signing up for promotional newsletters and unsubscribing and unsubscribing and opting out and opting out