ForlornFig

incredibly minor but still dumb side effect of late stage capitalism: ever notice how so many concert venues and stadiums just have the lamest names imaginable. Like ooooh Lady Gaga is playing at the..... Mortgage Stadium? Oh boy the finals are at the.... Chase Bank arena. Can't wait to catch a game at the Garunteed Rate field.

Our soccer team is hosted at the Scott's Miracle Grow Field, which used to be the Lower.com Field.

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

there's two people fishing at the swim beach for some reason, as if that could possibly be good fishing. go try somewhere else guys, i kicked the only one nearby

let's boil uncle in water to reduce his essence into a tincture

this is why commas are so unimportant

the sewing machine is a delicate breed of horse

Went outside and honestly, what is the fuck is going on out here.

I think it's awesome when people kiss. like hell yeah. go eat eachother up

Trial by wombat

no more dichotomies. I would like to introduce you to my friends Both, Neither, and Something else entirely

i’m on that weird shit. i’m jacking odd. disturbating. creeping my meat

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

I hope you get your favorite food this week and your favorite drink and your favorite 2k dollars

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

good music should beat the shit out of you

My sword glows in the presence of air, which usually just means its a handy light source but also means that when it goes out i know im turbofucked