Too Many Things, Too Little Time

rip to c. s. lewis, you would’ve hated ai

You may notice that stoning someone is considered violent, but getting stoned is generally a good time. Similarly, getting your shit rocked is usually bad, but rocking someone’s world is almost always positive. This is because we rocks are very nuanced and complex

car is a sentient beast that eats dollars and can tell when you have money in your bank account

Horses are also expensive horses that love to die aren't they

wait wtf is cream soda

cause when we're creaming and popping...

we’re cropping?

we're peaming

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach

This is one of your worst posts yet man

You called me dirt sucking poor and told me my carrot looks like a cock

It's never too late to escape from the secret underground government facility you were raised and go on a telekinetic rampage across the city before mysteriously disappearing into the woods

okay actually shout out to the one person who tagged this post Mewtwo, everyone else can go home

Edward Cullen...

NO!

see when people try and nitpick me because i call my dog "my dog" when it's technically "the family dog".......well first of all i still call my brother "my brother" and not "the family boy". although maybe that should change. second of all sorry i'm still thinking about the family boy. btw i fell asleep while making this post last night and i think you can tell

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review