drop kick me jesus through the goal post of life

You are an unreliable narrator because your coping mechanisms for your deep-seated trauma forbid you from acknowledging the reality of the situation. I am an unreliable narrator because I sincerely have no idea what the fuck is going on.

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

your cat was an honor to see in the window

never kill yourself. you have to fill your mutuals dash with shit they don't care about forever, okay?

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)