Has anyone else here read the absolutely terrible phantom of the paradise novelisation? I need you to know that in that book when asked at a press conference about winslows death swan starts talking about how his cock was an old soul. Im not misquoting this whatsoever. I might just use this post as a place to store all the insane snippets ive saved. Genuinely unreadable
^ my exact feelings about this book.
The author watched like. Half of it. Wrote most of the book about what he thinks happens BEFORE the start of the movie, then turned it off before anything supernatural happened. So after swan and phoenix get together he just makes up a different ending. What he does base off the movie is BARELY accurate but does contain some funny stuff. The author also gets randomly deeply racist about writing literally any black character that shows up. Its a bad book.
Anyways thats not funny aside from winslow getting called a cracker i guess so heres some nonsense that is.
Reporter: so who was Winslow leach? So sorry to hear he died
Swan: i heard he fucked himself to death with his Old Soul Penis
Good snippet
philbeef confirmed
Giving Winslow a boner in this scene for no reason other than to upset Swan. #sure
Swan generally spends his sex scene pov wishing he wasnt having sex like he actually just truly thinks Phoenix sucks. Several paragraphs i havent attached describing him failing to maintain an erection. Fantastic! ALSO HIS BED TIME ROUTINE BEING A SLEEPING TABLET AND MILK. FOLLOWED BY STARING AT THE WALL IN SILENCE?
Swan is tickled by Winslows virginity. And ass? Not Sure!
Phoenix has 1 pov in the entire book. She spends it waking up and looking at her boobs in the mirror, thinks about how Swan sucked in bed despite how awesome and tight her pussy is, and then makes a hard left to think about how much she wants yoghurt and spends 2 detailed paragraphs on it. Woman moment!
The author skips like. The entire ending. And the reveal about who Swan really is. All of it. Just skips from Phoenix wanting yoghurt to Winslow finding Swan and literally picking him up and shaking him until he dies. Like a baby. Literature.
