between the worlds

But he also,

Throws fits when things don't go his way. Not a "I'm a bad bitch" destroying everything-type fit, but tossing a trash can, breaking a screen-type fit.

Cries. A lot.

Pleads. He begs.

Doesn't answer the call to action.

Shows weakness. Being a coward and being fearful are two things he defines himself with.

Doesn't end up with the girl. In fact, that girl isn't even interested and he isn't, either.

Cherishes friendship over a romantic plot or something stereotypically brave like, "I'm going to save Rocky so I can save his world." No, he wants to save his friend, first and foremost.

Squeaks. He squeals. He screams, loudly and very high pitched. He whines. He complains. He physically struggles to open a jar. He's clumsy as hell. He makes some of the least graceful noises one can make.

Is not afraid to be the primitive species lowkey.

Particularly around the mouth.

Which is the part they usually use for biting.

But if we've learned two things from it (and we've actually learned over thirty-six thousand, three hundred twenty six and 2/3rds things thank you very much) we've learned that those little name-stealing winged opossums do not leave things up to chance.

That's to say precognition and augury aren't possible, it's just that fake prophecies are vastly more effective than real ones.

Real foreknowledge has value only within its own negation, you avert, and thereafter the prophecy is fiction. But fake prophecies are like Swiss army knives or end user license agreements: the number of applications is limited only by your imagination and ethical flexibility.

The swords and kings gambit is a basic statistical scam. Like Eurovision, it may appear mystical but it's actually pure survivor bias.

If any one of the 40,000 dupes who gets a scimitar lobbed at his head by one of Merlin's many moistened bints manages to unite the isles then lo and behold! It's a prophecy come true!

But if none do, all Merlin has to do is gather up all the caliburns and excaliburs from the blood-soaked fields of failed ambition, toss them back in the water, and start over with another batch of impressionable kids until someone pulls it off and boom, once and future king and we've all seen what comes of that:

England.