I need you guys to walk with me and understand that Ilya and Shane's first fuck as a married couple takes place on the edge of Ilya's bed ("Our bed, Hollander, our marital bed--" "Jesus fucking Christ Ilya--") while Usher Yeah! plays at bone-melting volume from the backyard and guys from three different hockey teams yell the lyrics even louder. Shane realizes that Ilya is inadvertently thrusting to the beat and for one very brilliant second it is the hottest thing ever. The mood is genuinely almost ruined when the song switches to Sweet Caroline. Harris should never be allowed to DJ again.
"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.
"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.
"Why is this hot. Oh my god why is this hot." - Shane Hollander, who at the age of thirty is still discovering things about himself.

















