(～￣▽￣)～

have to leave this post in my

will to my children.

“happy birthday” every time i hand them something

“well, that’s not ideal” whenever something is going wrong

“we are in the timeline that god abandoned” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced

“can’t you see that your fighting is tearing this family apart?” whenever two or more coworkers are arguing

referring to taking medication as “eating medicine”

“time to go back to prison!” when putting animals back in their cages

referring to inanimate objects as (s)he, particularly when i break something and say “oh no, he’s dead.” this concerns them especially when i follow it up with “that’s not ideal”

“I’m not dead so there’s that” when coworkers ask me how I am

“Unless I die” when coworkers say “see you tomorrow”

“Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you’d followed your dream instead of working in this soul sucking, hopeless, torture-in-disguise, zombifying hellhole? Yeah me neither.” when distracting them from whatever they were going to ask me to do

“I would care but I’m dead inside” when coworkers try to tell me about workplace irritations

“A hammer fixes everything” when a coworker complains about office equipment or another coworker

In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far better place, local parents Blake and Allison McKee gently explained to their daughter Friday that their money was in heaven now, sources confirmed. “Honey, the reason we’re sitting you down today is because even though our life savings isn’t with us anymore, you don’t need to be scared, because it’s now up in the sky where the angels live,” said Allison McKee, putting her arms around a sobbing 10-year-old Harper McKee and assuring her that while their wealth wasn’t coming back, it was smiling down on them from the clouds. “I know you loved the money very much. 

One of the head images for fursona similarly was: