firefam forever

* never

* just once

* twice

* three times

* four times

* five or more times

* it’s complicated

Location: Bonneville, Idaho

Date: May

We ask that discussion under questions be limited to how you came to your conclusion, not what your conclusion was.

Answer hidden under the cut.

Also the further you move toward the poles the more pronounced the difference between the length of day and night is. Worst part of a far-north (or south) heatwave is it doesn’t get dark long enough for meaningful cooling.

Food: strawberry avocado pico de gallo

Why am I always the one expected to stay calm, stay patient, stay emotionally mature, even when I am hurting too?

I understand that you are struggling. I understand that pain changes people. I understand that life can make people distant, irritable, reactive, overwhelmed, withdrawn. I understand all of that more than you probably realize.

But at what point am I allowed to stop shrinking my own feelings to make other people more comfortable?

Because somehow my pain always becomes the “manageable” one. The quieter one. The one expected to wait patiently while everyone else’s emotions take up the entire room.

And honestly, it is exhausting.

Exhausting always being the one who sees every perspective. The one who gives grace. The one who explains away hurtful behavior because “they are going through a lot.” The one who stays soft even after being hurt repeatedly.

At some point, understanding others started turning into abandoning myself.

And I think people forget this: someone else struggling does not automatically erase the pain they caused you.

You are still allowed to be hurt.

You are still allowed to feel disappointed.

You are still allowed to say, “I know you are suffering, but the way you treated me still mattered.”

Because empathy should not require self-erasure.

You should not have to emotionally disappear just because someone else is having a difficult time.

You should not have to silence your hurt to protect people from feeling guilty about hurting me.

And you should not constantly be expected to carry relationships through sheer emotional awareness while everyone else gets to act carelessly.

Sometimes the “understanding person” is tired too.

Tired of over-explaining. Tired of being patient. Tired of translating other people’s emotions while nobody tries to understand theirs. Tired of swallowing hurt because they are afraid expressing it will make them seem selfish or cruel.

You are allowed to have limits too.

You are allowed to stop romanticizing emotional endurance.

You are allowed to want relationships where care goes both ways.