Hectromache's Attorney.

When someone tells me to stop talking about the trojan war, but my name isn't "aboutthetrojanwar" so I keep talking 🥰🥰

I don't understand the portrayal of "evil" Hector (even though everyone was morally grey and-) in Patrochilles fics. Like you know you CAN make him evil without him lusting over Patroclus right?? Because that is probably the last thing he'd do as a super evil, morally black guy?? You know that, right? right??

WHY DOES HECTOR HAVE TO DIE IN FANFICS AS WELL?? WHAT IS WITH THIS MAN'S OBSESSION WITH DYING AND NARRATIVE DOOM??? STOP IT YOU LITTLE SHIT

One day I will write a fanfic in which Diomedes and Hector somehow become friends and start a secret horse club together where they bring horses that they stole from eachother's armies during battle or something (like how Hector tried to steal Achilles' horses after killing Patroclus/how Diomedes stole Aeneas' horses)

I NEED TO READ THE ODYSSEY BEFORE THAT DAMN MOVIE COMES OUT RAWR RAWR

The Iliad is pretty much the only book where a fish hunts down a horse and wants to eat it 🥰

I swear everyone be threatening their enemies and armies that they are going to feed their corpses to the dogs in the Iliad and the Odyssey. LIKE HOW HUNGRY ARE YOUR DAWGS BRUH JUST FEED THEM SOMETHING ELSE OH MY-