Eeeeehm... I might have gotten inspired πππ
Hope you don't mind my head kinda... sorta spawned out a tiny fanfic for this? π
π I can't say I'm too sorry tho, this was fun to write even though I believe it could be a lot better.
TW: non-consensual touching, description of bruises and injuries (bites)
How does one different decision change the course of events in the present?
The Idol Awards are over.
Have been for a few days, actually. After settling down on stage after they saved the world from the Demon king and his minnions, the girls can finally rest. They sat down and talked about how everything went wrong, they all apologized and cried and hugged and promised each other to do better, and life slowly settled into the new normal.
Rumi didn't hide her patterns anymore, hesitantly shedding the hoodies and turtle necks while around her girls. It was a very nervous start, years of shame still present in her mind, but seeing Mira and Zoey trace them gently with awe and reverence made it a bit easier every day.
Unfortunately, trauma doesn't dissapear overnight, which brings us to the present.
Nightmares aren't anything new in their life. As demon hunters, they were seriously injured and came close to dying multiple times, which tends to leave it's scars on human psychΓ©. Add in some of their personal traumas and nightmares are guarrantied to make an appearance every once in a while.
They became a lot more common after the Idol Awards fiasco, though.
Rumi jerked awake with a gasp, the feel of blood clogging her windpipe clinging to her like second skin. Her breathing was fast and erratic as she tried to shake off the vision of starlight tearing through flesh and bone, her fingers digging into the comforter with a deathly grip to try and anchor herself.
She spent a moment doing breathing exercises before a hand on her shoulder startled her enough to flinch.
Looking up, she was met with a pair of soft brown eyes, gold framing their sharp edges along with strands of pink hair. Mira.
"You okay?" she whispered.
Rumi inhaled deeply, shaky and slow, exhaling with a rush like she was forcefully pushing the terror out of her body. Her throat was still tight as she nodded, focusing intently to try and relax as best she could. "Yeah, I- I'm fine."
"Nightmare?" she continued.
Another nod. Mira sighed, lips falling into a frown as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Her mind flashed back to the magenta flame, to the purple glow of her patterns and silver blades and pain and betrayal. Her heart squeezed at the memory. "No. Not today."
It was Mira's turn to nod, making gentle circles on her unnie's back as Rumi massaged her temples, a dull throbbing appearing inside her skull. After observing her for a minute, Mira seem to come to a decision, throwing the covers off of her feet and standing up.
"I'll go make us some tea."
With that, she quietly left the bedroom, leaving Rumi alone. The singer shook her head at another failed night, checking the clock to see it was only 3 in the morning.
At least I lasted longer than last night, she grumbled internally, thinking back to the day before when she jerked awake at 2 with a scream, waking both of her bandmates.
Speaking of which, she turned on her side to notice her maknae was still asleep, making her expression soften. She snuggled closer, burying her face in Zoey's back with her arm snaking over her waist, careful not to jostle her and disturb her rest.
She was really glad Zoey was finally sleeping, especially with her abrupt and probably not very peaceful wake up call. Since their tour and through all the mess with the Saja boys and Rumi's patterns, the lyricist's sleep schedule went out the window, inviting back her old insomnia.
While she tried to downplay how exhausted she was, both of her unnies noticed her sluggish behavior and tried to help however they could. Mira made her a calming tea every night as Rumi, now finally free to let her worries go, cuddled with her as often as she could get away with, usually keeping her close and warm in the futile effort to offer enough safety for Zoey to relax and get some rest.
They wanted to believe it was enough, but between the trauma still fresh on their minds, new realizations tracing back to Rumi's patterns and their own emotions to deal with, it probably didn't do as much as they would have wanted.
Even now, spooning Zoey as she was, Rumi could feel how stiff the maknae was under her touch, almost trembling as she tried to pull her limbs closer to herself.
Rumi frowned. Zoey didn't sleep often curled up like this. She liked to wriggle and move and starfish on them a lot when in bed, typically with muffled nonsense mumbled under her breath, her habbit of talking from her sleep very much apparent.
And yet, she was quiet. Unnervingly so.
As Rumi opened her eyes in the darkness, she noticed how damp Zoey's shirt was under her forehead and cheek. Brushing her hand gently over her spine, she realized that the fabric was soaked in sweat, the whole area between Zoey's shoulder blades sticking to skin.
Alarm bells started to ring in Rumi's head. She sat up from bed and rounded it, coming face to face with Zoey's scrunched up expression as she knelt beside her shaking form.
She took a moment to properly observe the youngest.
Zoey's brow was furrowed, lips parted as she breathed shakily, quietly, like she didn't want anyone to hear her. Her skin was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, face pulled tight in a mixture of fear and anxiety. Her shoulders were pulled in, making her even smaller than she is and her hands were close to her chest, one holding her shirt in a death grip while the other was fisted in her sheets.
She looked like a scared animal trapped in a cage, unable to escape and run away from whatever was causing all this distress.
Rumi reached out to shake her when Zoey flinched violently, squirming in place like she suddenly couldn't stay still.
"N-no, please, stop," she whispered, breathing turning ragged, before she started shouting. "STOP! D-don't touch me! Mira, Rumi, please!"
Her hand froze, startled at hearing her own name, but she was forced back into action when Zoey started trashing, her hands clawing at her neck and stomach like she wanted to tear her skin off.
She only faintly registered the bedroom door bursting open as she wrestled Zoey's wrists down and away from her own flesh, keeping her from hurting herself more than she already did if the blood under her nails was anything to go by.
"Zoey, wake up! It's me, Rumi, you're safe! Please!" she begged, trying to hold her down.
But Zoey only struggled harder, shaking her head as she continued to be lost in whatever nightmare swallowed her.
Mira, who until then stood in the doorway, jumped in to take ahold of her flailing legs, keeping them from accidently kicking Rumi as the singer moved to lean more over the youngest.
"Zo, it's just a nightmare! Wake up! You're okay-" a sob interrupted her, and Rumi's heart cracked when a tear slid down Zoey's cheek.
"Don't d-do this to me, p-please," she sniffled, "I-I-I'll be good just- just stop! STOP!"
Her crying didn't slow down even though her body did, seemingly giving up the fight now that her movements were being resctricted.
"Zoey-" "Anything! Just- just don't-" "ZOEY!"
The yell seem to finally break through as Zoey inhaled sharply, eyes snapping open as she bolted up in bed and almost headbutted Rumi in the process.
She sat there for a moment, panting, hands still shaking and gaze unfocused, waiting, analyzing, searching all over for the face from her nightmare before something warm enveloped her face and the world crashed back in.
"You're okay, Zo, it was just a nightmare," whispered Rumi, softly brushing the tears away. "You're safe. You're okay."
It took a few seconds for Zoey to realize it was Rumi who held her so gently, reverently, like a fragile bird with a broken wing but when she did, she threw herself into her unnie's arms and buried her face in her chest, her hug a death grip on her torso.
"I'm so so sorry Rumi I promise I'll never step a toe out of line again I'll behave you won't have any more trouble and you won't have to worry I'll do everyting you say I'll never be a burden or a dissapointment I'll do anything you'll want me to anything I promise I will never be too much or not enough I swear this was the last time i'll behave and be good and useful and quiet and obedient just-" her voice cracked, suddenly turning small. "-don't leave me... please."
Her last words were barely audible, a quiet plea that was afraid of existing as the maknae curled inward, shoulders rising to her ears and head turning down, hiding like she expected to be hit for a request like that.
And Rumi's throat closed because how could she think she would ever want to leave?
She held her tight for a minute, rubbing her back as the wet spot on her shoulder grew until Zoey slumped in her arms. She pulled back then, keeping contact but leaning down to Zoey's level, looking for those beautiful chocolate eyes she loved so much even though they were resolutely avoiding her gaze.
"Zo, jagyia, look at me."
She didn't at first. Still trapped in uncertainty, she pulled her lips into a thin line before hesitantly meeting her gaze.
"I promise you, Zoey, I will never, ever leave you of my own accord. Not if I can help it," said Rumi seriously, before gently taking her pinkie and intertwining it with her own. "Pinkie promise."
"Me, too," added Mira, coming to sit beside Rumi. "You would need to drag me away kicking and screaming to ever get me to leave you, Zo."
She ended her words by pulling the maknae into a hug, making comforting circles on her arm as Zoey buried her face into her shoulder.
They stayed like that for a while, just there, present and content to lean on one another until Zoey's tears ran dry and her hands stopped shaking. When the only thing to be heard was the occasional sniffle from Zoey, Rumi stood, tugging the hugging duo over to the bathroom.
"Let's get those cleaned up," she said, gesturing to the scratches below Zoey's neck.
The girl only nodded, letting herself be led and fussed over as Rumi took out the first aid kit they kept stocked and close at all times. They sat her on the toilette, Mira holding her hand while Rumi knelt before her, inspecting the scratches.
They weren't particularly deep, not enough to bleed much, but so close to her neck she didn't want to take any chances. She frowned though, confusion flickering in when she noticed her throat seem a bit swollen, the hollow of it less pronounced than normal.
She shrugged it off, taking out some antiseptic wipes. "This is going to sting."
Zoey swallowed, nodding, body tensing as she came close, but she didn't pull away as Rumi cleaned up the little wounds.
She did, however, squeez Mira's hand, unable to stop her heart from starting to hammer in her chest.
They're going to find out. They're going to find out, and they'll be so dissapointed in her.
She should have been able to stop it. To fight him off, to- to protect herself even withour their help.
What if they won't want her to be a hunter anymore? What if they kick her out of HUNTRIX? What if they really are better off without her?
No, don't think like that. They... they love you, they literally promised you they'll never leave you 5 minutes ago.
And yet the fear stayed, tying her insides into a knot she couldn't get free.
She closed her eyes. She could feel the wipe gliding over her skin, burning where it met torn flesh and cleaning off tiny specks of blood before it pulled away, leaving her cold, bare, unable to stop them from seeing.
Rumi made a noise of confusion. "Zoey, is... is that concealer?"
Something in the tone of her voice begged Zoey to lie, to deny what she was seeing, to refuse the truth in front of her. To spare her the pain of another secret, of another thing kept quiet when it should have been screaming and wailing in her face, of missing something more she shouldn't have.
It made a lump appear in Zoey's throat, so she didn't answer.
"What?" Mira's tone was sharp, surprise giving her gestures an edge as she took the wipe from Rumi to see for herself. "Zoey, what..."
"It's- um, it's nothing."
"Zo," it wasn't quite admonishment, the way Rumi said it. More like a quiet concern, a caring inquiery to understand as Mira stood up, taking more wipes and micellar water to wash off the remaining make up.
Zoey didn't look at her. Didn't dare make eye contact as Mira dropped beside her, ready to get all the concealer off of her. She couldn't help shying away from the touch though, the tension in the air pulling her nerves taunt and making her more closed off than she usually would be with her girls.
Mira noticed, of course she did, and took a breath to quell her rolling emotions. She took care to be particularly soft when she asked: "Can I?"
The maknae gave a nod, so Mira got to work. She started at the base of her neck, brushing the skin until it was clean, exposing blotches of yellow and green that darkened into a faint purple the higher she went. With every spot of color she found hidden, her blood boiled stronger, protective fury trying to drown out the sorrow and pain of not being able to help, to sooth, to prevent this from happening.
Unintentionally, she kept adding pressure the angrier she got, until Zoey's gritting teeth and stiff muscles made her gentle her approach. The skin must have been tender still, sensitive and uncomfortable to touch. She sent Zoey an apologetic look, which was met with a wobbly smile that looked more like a barely-held-back-grimace than was intended.
When Mira was done, Zoey's neck free of the liquid armor, they were greeted with a ring of bruises, already healing but stretching over her throat from one ear to another. They had a vague shape of a hand, the discoloration where fingers dug in marking each digit individually, now hardly visible if not for the tiny pin-pricks where something pointed seem to push slightly deeper.
Both Rumi and Mira were left bewildered, worry quickly rising as millions of question filled their heads.
"How... how did this happen, Zo?" asked Mira, eyes wide and searching the other's expression for any explanation.
Zoey watched them warily, apprehension clogging up her lungs as she tried to deflect: "It doesn't matter. T-they're already healing, you don't have to worry-"
"We do. Zoey, you can't expect us to just let it slide that you suddenly have hand-shaped bruises all over your neck we had no idea about. We're a team, we protect each other, we care for each other, no matter what. Please, Zo. What happened? Who did this to you?" pressed Rumi, watching her intently.
It was a look she'd often get when her mind was set on something, when she wouldn't let go of whatever it was that had her attention until it was done and over with. Like a dog with a bone, refusing to let anyone take it away without her permission.
Stubborn. Her stubborn, stubborn Rumi.
Defeat fell over her with a quiet surrender, recognising the losing battle. It would be difficult, if not impossible to talk Rumi out of this. Mira too, if the attentative look she was giving her was anything to go by.
She sighed. Here goes nothing.
"It happened at the Idol Awards," she started slowly, her hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "After we..." the words were stuck in her mouth, having to be forcefully pushed out. "...after we raised our weapons at you, Rumi."
Zoey took a second to gauge their reactions, but when they didn't move, she continued: "We walked out of the stadium together when Gwi-ma got into our heads. He took Mira first, but I- I didn't want to believe it was the end. It couldn't have been. You were everything to me, I refused to believe we couldn't fix it.
He tried, but I was in denial a bit too long it seems, because he resorted to plan B.
The next thing I know, I couldn't breath."
Her lungs stuttered, memories of that night coming to the fore front of her mind.
"Someone was behind me, restraining me, holding my neck as I tried to wriggle free, to kick him, to just move so I could take a breath. Everything was confusing. Gwi-ma was still in my head, whispering, trying to take over and I could just listen when my body started to shut down. I- I think I blacked out after that.
Things after that are... blurry. I remember I woke up backstage, and- and everything was dark. I was cold. My jacket was somewhere in the room- I think I tripped on it when I walked out? I'm not sure. My head hurt, it was... hard to focus. My ears were ringing.
Breathing hurt. That's the only thing I could feel for a while... how every inhale scraped through my throat, how every swallow was like gulping knives. I though it was just the pressure from before, b-but my neck felt warm.
That's when I realized it was a hand," her eyes glistened, the fear returning to her. "It wasn't squeezing this time, but it- it held me down like I was an animal. Another was on m-my hip, and the contrast to my skin finally woke me up, but when I tried to move, something heavy kept me on the ground.
It was a body. Taller, bigger than me, easily holding me down.
Zoey's lip wobbled at that, and she couldn't help but pause. She quickly brushed away the tears that fell before they could land, trying to smile like she was fine even though it didn't stick and fooled no one.
A hand came into her line of sight, hesitant but present, and when she looked up, she was met with Mira's soothing gaze. The dancer was distraught, features pulled into worry so prominent it was painful, but there was also a question there, one that almost made Zoey break then and there.
Instead of answering, she took her hand gently, feeling the soft skin as Mira's thumb grazed her knuckles. The repetitive motion calmed her down a little, so she checked on Rumi.
Her unnie was similarly upset, gritting her jaw tight in anger she tried to push back by force of will alone. Her eyes were shiny but no tears fell yet, and when she noticed Zoey looking, she softened her expression into the caring, motherly look she always got when she or Mira got sick and were put on bed rest despite their protests.
"You don't have to keep going, Zo. You said enough, we can get back to it tomorrow, or just when you feel a little better," she said, setting her hand on Zoey's knee, slowly, carefully, so she could pull back if she didn't want to be touched.
She shook her head immediately. "I will never say it out loud if I stop now. Just... just give me a moment."
Both older girls nodded as Zoey took a deep breath, getting back on track.
"I panicked. I tried to push him away, or wriggle free, or to just get some space between us but he was completely glued to me. He didn't like it though, and his claws dug more firmly into me. He- he might have growled, too, it was hard to hear through the ringing, but I-I could feel his breath on my- on my chest, right between my breasts and it was so close, too close and my top was open and- and he was kissing me like I belonged to him and I-I felt so exposed and vulnerable and-"
"Zoey, breath," shushed her Mira. "You're not there anymore. You're in our bathroom, with only the two of us and no one else. You're safe. We won't let him or anyone touch you here." She gripped her hand harder, trying to ground her back into the present.
Oh. She hadn't noticed how her breathing quickened, bordering on hyperventilation. It took a moment of comforting and grounding exercises, but she eventually got herself under control before continuing.
"I-it was hard to see him through the darkness with him holding me under my neck, but there was this... faint glow? Like your patterns do, Rumi, or- or how our weapons sometimes glow in the dark, too. It wasn't much, but I- I could at least glimpse his silver hair from my peripheral."
"It was Mystery, wasn't it?"
The name came out in a barely-held-back growl, fury overriding reason for a moment as Rumi seethed at anyone daring to hurt one of her girls.
Her only answer was a tiny nod.
"H-he was nuzzling into my chest, whispering something, I think? I-I-I don't know, I just remember this- this terror as pain exploded over where my heart is, and thinking I'll die and that I couldn't say goodbye and apologize and how much of a failure I am-" a sob interrupted her, and she was swept into a gentle hug before she could try and protest.
"You're not a failure, Zo. What happened wasn't your fault, you hear me?"
"But I- I couldn't fight him off! I'm a hunter, and I couldn't defend myself against one measly demon. He could have- he could have done anything to me and I- I would have let him," she cried. "I'm such a dissapointment."
"Zoey, no, that's not true," Rumi argued.
"How can it not be? I let him ambush me, and strangle me, and- and almost take advantage of me in a way that couldn't be taken back! He could have killed me, or kidnapped me into the Demon Realm, Rumi! What would happen then? He could have used me against you and-"
"Alright, that's enough," cut in Mira sternly. "You were injured, Zo. He must have cut off oxygen into your brain if you lost consciousness. Anyone would be disoriented after waking up from that, not talking about everything that happened before he attacked you. The Honmoon was falling apart, you couldn't have killed him, Zoey. It is not. Your. Fault."
The maknae sniffled. "It- it still feels like it is."
The girls' grip on her tightened. "It's not. And we'll argue with you every time your pretty head will try to tell you otherwise," promised Mira, slowly kissing her temple.
They stayed tangled together for a bit, content to just hold each other close. Neither of them missed how lucky they are to have one another like this, alive and well.
They were so close to losing it, and they didn't even know it.
The air in the room was calm, not absent of tension but keeping it on pause when Mira pulled back, observing her girls. Rumi, her emotions a storm but holding it behind her wall of control, knelt stiff as a rock as she let Zoey lean on her shoulder, her eyes unfocused and turned inwards. Zoey, on the other hand, seem to be completely focused on here and now, her hands fisted in their clothes as she watched the rise and fall of their chests.
She didn't want to break the loose atmosphere that fell over them, but a thought was nagging at her since Zoey mentioned it and her worry was threatening to flow over it's designed cup.
The lyricist looked up, confusion apparent as she met her gaze, but understanding soon followed as her fingers nervously tugged down the collar of her shirt, exposing her breasts.
The skin was surprisingly unblemished baring four small points separated into pairs, where something broke skin and dug slightly more into flesh, surrounded by even smaller incisions that formed two half-moon rows. The tiny wounds seem almost entirely healed despite some irritation redness and swelling, their appearance resembling human teeth more than Mira would like to admit.
At seeing the slight curl of her lip, Zoey hummed. "Yeah, h-he bit me, fangs and all. Not- not recommended in this area."
A strangled noise escaped Rumi as she took in the sight, her face screwing up into horrified disgust at the mental image.
"He might have licked the blood off of me, too, I'm- not sure. I think it was wet, though, so... yeah, that- that was disgusting," shuddered Zoey, huddling closer to her unnie.
"But after that he... left? Like, he kissed me and said something to me, but then he just... got up and left?" she sounded confused. "It was weird. It- it didn't make sense, he played with me all that time just to- to let me go?"
"Why would he do that?" asked Mira, her brow furrowing. "Why not at least make sure you can't escape? You walked out of there on your own, right?"
"Yea, after he left I took a minute to get my bearings, but then I just walked out of there, looking for you guys."
"Then why did he attack you at all? Are you sure you aren't hurt more?" worried Rumi, pulling back to scan the maknae again.
Zoey yelped at the sudden loss of support, shaking her head as she sat up straight. "I'm fine, Ru. I have no idea though. Maybe if I remembered what he said to me-"
"No, we're not doing this right now," cut in Mira. "Your brain was waking up from oxygen deprivation, you are allowed to not remember every detail about that night. I'm actually surprised you remember as much as you do."
Zoey's cheeks dusted pink at her words, her shoulders slumping as she looked at the floor. "Yeah, well, it's- pretty hard to forget something like that."
Silence stretched between them. Neither knew what to say after that, Mira and Rumi processing while Zoey played with Mira's fingers.
It was Rumi who observed her this time, something in her gaze cracking as she asked the one question she wasn't sure she could handle the answer to: "Why didn't you tell us, Zo?"
Zoey paused. Her throat bobbed, all movement halting as she considered her answer. Then, in a whisper: "I- I was scared of what you would think of me. I'm a hunter, and I can't keep one demon from touching me when it actually matters? What point do I have with you two, then, If you're forced to keep protecting me even when I should be able to do it on my own? I would just become a burden to you, and I... didn't want you to think of me differently."
Rumi was already shaking her head before Zoey even finished speaking. "We could never think of you as weak or defenceless, Zo."
"Remember the time we started patroling? We were both worried about you because of how small your shin-kals are, but then we got ambushed and it was you saving us from demons because we were too busy fighting those before us to engage with those behind our backs," reminded Mira. "You're a storm of blades and movement, our shield. You protect our blind spots from the distance while jumping all over the battlefield, too fast to be caught. That takes precision and skill, Zo. That isn't someone who is weak."
Her words hit their target, making something inside of Zoey unclench. She slumps back against Rumi, slightly shy but mostly just getting tired from the emotional rollercoaster of the night.
"Can we just please let it go? I'm fine, Mystery is gone and the Idol Awards are over, I just want to move on and go back to bed," she mumbled, voice muffled from against the fabric of Rumi's shirt.
The two older girls exchanged glances, a bit hesitant to leave it, but one look at the slowly-growing-sluggish blinking of the maknae changed their minds. They could always come back to it later, when they're hopefully more well rested and awake than in the middle of the night.
Still, before they can do that: "Did you clean up that bite after we got home? We don't want it to get infected," worried Mira.
"Yeah, first thing I did. I couldn't wait to scrap him off of me."
"Then yes, you can go sleep now."
They took her back to the bedroom after applying some healing cream on the bruises, tucking her in as Rumi watched, Mira about to walk to the kitchen to take care of the forgotten tea.
A hand on her arm stopped her.
"Can... can you stay with me, Mimi? You too, Ru?"
The small request softened their hearts, as if they could ever refuse. They would give Zoey the world, sky and stars if she asked for it.
They laid down around her, bracketing her from both sides as she got comfortable on them like a cat shimming into place on her favorite blanket. She was out not long after that.
The girls stayed awake a little longer, just watching the youngest breath, her chest rising up and down as they held her close. They couldn't believe they were so close to losing it without even knowing.
Their light, their sunshine, their Zoey. The one person who could make them laugh even when they felt like the world was splintering beneath their feet.
And she could have been gone so quickly.
They held on tighter. Silently thanking the Honmoon for not letting her go, they slowly driffted off, the last thought on their minds a searing determination to never let anyone even try to take her away from them again.
A/N: I might continue this at some point, but the continuation I had in mind doesn't feel quite right at the moment, so I want to let it rest for now and try and focus on some other ideas I have waiting in my drafts.
Sending you lots of love and hugs, Em π«Ά
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