Relative Bitch with Relative Pitch

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

toby “nippon” fox has used foul homestuckian tricknology refined for years in hussies secret evil underground dojo to make women i know want to fuck barney the dinosaur

being on an airplane is a lot like being in kindergarten

I wanna hear where you're going with this

gambling with angels is easy. they can't lie but they have addictive personalities; it's easy to clean them out then make them divulge secrets about the business of heaven to call your bets. my dad used to say "hey, watch this" and summon angels to play poker with him with a sort of bone flute he inherited from his grandpa, and they'd be holding horseshit and still want to call him. i'm talking "raise on a two pair" level bad at it, but they couldn't stop trying to win. my dad taught me all the secret names of God before i was out of grade school and i would use them to curse my enemies so they came down with leprosy. you can cure leprosy these days but it still sucks, especially for a child. but they had it coming for pissing me off

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

hey don't cry. on december 3, 1926, agatha christie went missing for eleven days and because the uk police didn't know what to do they recruited sir arthur conan doyle, creator of master detective sherlock holmes, but all he did was conduct a séance to try and contact her distressed spirit

to be honest i do have beef with some microbes

shoulda cooked it longer that gets rid ofem

depressed steampunk guy: like nothing makes me happy anymore i feel like my fantastical flying contraption just ran out of coal

Steam. Is. Water. Coal. Makes. Smoke.

what is the coal doing to the water

the highest recorded wet bulb temperatures in the world occur in india, jsyk. in odisha, they’ve hit 34.6 degrees celsius. the human survivability limit is 35 degrees celsius but the body faces significant risks, potentially fatal risks, even at 30 degrees as it starts failing to cool itself, like i’m talking organ failure levels of risk. climate change isn’t coming to peak, it’s been in the global south where you can’t see it or feel it.

imagine temperatures that high and humidity as high as 75%—you make more heat than you can ever cool. your sweat cannot evaporate fast enough. you literally boil alive. heat deaths in india are underreported and they already hit the thousands. there is no plan, for a nation of almost 2 billion people. no plan. nothing.