shh

My kids are gonna have parents that are madly in love with each other thats my plan

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

i need all the help i can get for finals

I could use some luck

using gluten-free potato flour, chickpea water, artificial sweetener, lactose-free milk, and that ‘cant believe it’s not butter’ shit to make what scientists are calling “improbable cake”

this sounds improbable. can i have a slice?

unlikely

So does it really exist? Or is it a lie??

Two things can be real.

Please do not continue to question the probability of my statistically aberrant cake

If no one else has me I know Father Strange has me

STOP SAYING 6 7 TO ME!!!! GODDAMNED COMMUNISTS! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

THATS IT THATS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

Yep that's what it's like

World Heritage Post

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

I think he could do a really good “Hello officer, how are you?” if he had to.

Athena is standing behind him whispering the bylaws into his ear.

hold on i need to look this up

it’s been 15 minutes have you finished reading the Odyssey yet?

This seams like a post that @nixon-official would have encountered before, but you never know

I'm in so much pain right now

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

Holy shit

Oh my god this is so fucking funny

World Heritage Post

„I asked chat gpt“ well I went to ask tumblr and everyone was juggling for some reason

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

do none of you own a fucking kettle

World Heritage Post

do you ever see people who are so conventionally perfect it is impossible to be attracted to them because. unfortunately sir you are an ai generation or a ken doll or something and you’re making me uncomfortable