Details: Domestic Fluff, Grocery Shopping, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Anxious Shane Hollander, Post-Episode: s01e06 The Cottage (Heated Rivalry), Secret Relationship, Featuring Ilya Vs. Natto, Shane Vs The Complex Feels Of Japanese Canadian Diasporic Identity, And Ilya Being Yuna’s Favorite Son, Established Relationship, In Love Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, In Love Ilya Rozanov/Shane Hollander.
Summary:
The ice is where Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov fall in love, but the (mostly Asian) grocery stores in Montreal are where they learn how to be in love with each other.
In which Ilya learns about mochi, Shane learns about Russian milk bags, and they both learn how to breathe. Together.
OR
“I do not understand,” Ilya said, pushing their grocery cart down the aisles of a massive Chinese grocery store. “You act like alley murderer in Montreal Montreal but almost like normal boyfriend in not-Montreal Montreal.”
“Hush.” Shane bumped his shoulder into Ilya as a warning. “Don’t say the b-word out loud.”
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One day Shane is in the throws of a particularly bad panic attack, and Ilya is desperately going his mental roladex of ways to help his husband, and remembers the advice he heard once to give someone something else they have to focus their brain on, and blurts out "Shane, who won Stanley Cup last year?"
And even that is enough to momentarily distract Shane from his rapid firing brain and he's like "we did??? Ottawa??? you were there???"
And Ilya is like "good, and year before that?"
And Shane answers that as well, and Ilya can see he's already not gasping for breath so much, so he's like "good, very good, keep going"
And Shane just. doesn't stop, and Ilya sits there in pride and awe and disbelief as his husband list every single cup winner, right to the Montreal Hockey Club in 1893. And he's not panicking anymore, so good, but also 'holy shit, Hollander'
It quickly becomes the Rozanov-Hollander's fun party trick
I feel like the very likely possibility that Shane also has depression would be very interesting to explore.
Autism and depression, as well as anxiety and depression, are heavily linked. Around 40% of autistic adults will receive a depression diagnosis in their lifetime, and around 60% of people with anxiety will also experience symptoms of depression.
Now obviously, I imagine Shane would experience depression differently than Ilya. And maybe that’s why it would take a long time for him, or anyone really, to notice. I imagine it would look like Shane being quietly miserable a lot of the time, and being unaware that not everyone feels that. Or maybe he hears Ilya describe what his depression feels like sometimes and Shane gets confused because he feels that way too, but doesn’t everyone? Don’t most people feel like everything is a chore? Don’t most people go through the day just waiting for it to be over?
Idk, but Shane with high-functioning depression is extremely interesting to me.
About the geopolitical implications of Shane and Ilya coming out, the show has painted itself into a huge corner with Svetlana. She's the daughter of a (former?) Russian minister. We can safely assume her dad is definitely one of Putin's oligarchs. She regularly goes back home. Ilya coming out would paint a huge target on her back as well and put her in a great amount of danger. She wouldn't be able to go back home either.
So now you have Ilya wanting to come out despite this putting two POCs in danger. I'm really curious how they're going to handle this because the implications are bleak as hell.
There's also the matter of Ilya's brother and niece who would probably end up as political prisoners/pawns in Putin's game of one upmanship.
The more I think on it, the crazier it gets with their coming out. Suddenly, the entire continent of Europe would care about hockey so they can make memes about whether Ilya has fucked Putin or whether Putin has sucked Ilya's dick. There would be songs, sketches and endless commentary. JD Vance the couch fucker or Trump/Clinton would be peanuts in comparison.
Shane, Ilya, (show) Svetlana and everyone near them would have targets on their backs for the rest of their lives. The Long Game makes no fucking sense. Ilya would know all this. People from former Soviet/communist countries live in constant fear of the state. It's been 36 years since the fall of the Berlin wall and my parents are still cautioning me against saying too much against the government, even in the privacy of my own home. And I'm not even Russian, it's way worse over there.
Having citizenship certainly helps but it doesn't mean Ilya's safe from political repercussions. I am losing my mind thinking about it. Sorry if I'm not making sense but it's so crazy to me how Rachel has glossed over all of this so Ilya can throw a tantrum cause his boyfriend won't go with him to a party.
I really do wish we saw more about just who Ilya Rozanov is in Russia because it has the potential to inform so much of the conflict.
Canon suggests that Ilya is a big deal in Russia. He is the captain of their Olympic team at a very young age. They pick him over every single athlete actively playing in the KHL. His family is politically connected. He is personally and publicly linked to Putin’s Minister of Sport, and he is attending functions with him and his family while people go “wow, wouldn’t it be great if Ilya married his daughter?”
Again, hockey is very tied to Russian state propaganda. Hockey players are used to promote a sense of nationalism. Ilya has very likely been plastered over state propaganda for years. He has likely been photographed with Putin himself. Sincerely, what the fuck happens if the guy you’ve been pushing as the nationalist ideal citizens should aspire to defects from the goddamn country to go make passionate gay love to Canada’s own special hockey boy?
It would be very embarrassing for the Russian government. Legitimately, I have no idea what would happen. I don’t personally see them just taking it lying down.
And I think the conflict grows more interesting in the the sense that I think that canon is at least open to the interpretation that Ilya’s family purposefully pushed his hockey career as a political measure.
Canon suggests that Shane is someone who entered hockey out of genuine love for the sport, and that led him to achieve at a high level, and he ended up getting promoted because of that. But it also suggests that Ilya was someone who exhibited a talent for the sport and did not have much choice in pursuing it. His family was in control of his life, career, and training. His family was the driving force behind his career, and they continued to exert control over it even after he joins the NHL.
Why does his family do that?
The easiest interpretation is that it’s just about money. He is their golden goose and their cash cow and they will milk him fucking dry. But that interpretation is interesting in the sense that his family already seems to have money.
His brother has money troubles, to be clear, but that’s different from his family having money troubles. His brother may just not have access to the family accounts, and his brother was not the one to make the initial decision to push Ilya’s hockey career. That was most likely his father. And he doesn’t seem to have money troubles—I can’t even remember a time in canon where he asks Ilya for money.
Like. He lives in a fucking estate. His family home is palatial. That’s not mutually exclusive with money troubles—maybe it’s generational wealth that’s started to run dry—but I think canon’s at least open to the interpretation that the decision to pursue Ilya’s hockey career was not initially about the money. And I personally like the interpretation that the family saw it as a way to potentially climb the political and social ladder.
Sergei Vetrova achieved at a high level in hockey and became Putin’s Minister of Sport. And Russian hockey players are an important part of state propaganda. If they have a family member who’s succeeding in that space, that may be a way to integrate themselves even further with the government’s leadership. Here’s my son and his historical talent—put him on your posters, make him the captain of your Olympic team, tell the whole country to be like him. There is political capital that comes with that. I personally like the interpretation that Ilya was pushed so hard to achieve in part because his family saw an opportunity to exploit his ability for their own careers and social status.
And Ilya would know that. It would inform why he doesn’t want to come out or risk pursuing a real relationship with Shane in heated rivalry perfectly. But it cheapens all of his later actions in the long game.
I just. I have trouble reconciling Ilya’s actions in the long game with his character. His trauma from his family and his treatment in Russia is a bedrock of his character and his motivations. His actions just don’t make sense to me if you just rip that away.
i love the “hollanov has a crush on carter vaughn” take not necessarily in a “i think they would invite him to watch” way but more in a “ilya would accidentally let it slip while chirping at shane to fluster him that vaughn is at the top of their ‘would’ list and vaughn is a little thrown off and straight so he’s like “are you guys asking?” and ilya laughs and pats his shoulder and assures him “absolutely not, i do not share my shane, we just think you are good looking man, i like that you are pretty and fun and my shane likes that you are serious about hockey and have good grooming habits. is not serious, do not worry vaughny we will not be asking you to witness me and my beautiful husband ever” and vaughn low key is overjoyed about it, his teammates who are around and hear the exchange are sometimes like “that doesnt bother you? you dont find that a bit weird?” but vaugh genuinely is just like “rozanov just called me pretty and fun enough to hang out with and hollander thinks im good at hockey and clean enough for him, you could hand me a nobel peace prize and it wouldnt come close to this achievement” and eventually it gets out to the general public so vaughn is captioning his instagram posts shit like “#1 contender for being the hockey husbands third goes fishing” despite shanes mortification about this getting out and vaughns clear delight with it” way
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you know I don't actually think many people know that shane hollander is always in the act of jumping out of his own skin with anxiety. like you look at the "your boy rozanov" and "I'm going to fuck him back" interactions and we as an audience can see that the guy is oozing fear but his actual facial expressions and voice is pretty flat and scott hunters reaction is only because he is scott hunter, gay jesus.
I think everyone on the team assumes shane is this bland unshakeable guy, team anchor. a lot of fan portrayals of shane locker room dynamics is an untethered boat or slightly distanced leader but I think shane's autism has that unflappable old-soul vibe that coaches like and other guys admire. I think he is acting like an untethered boat, but unfotunately the entire fleet is following him around. like really they just want him to sit in the corner and read a hockey book while they get shitfaced over a pool table. like hes #the guy. you just need him in the room.
hollanov is batshit crazy about each other and the centaurs are mildly concerned about it but they seem well-adjusted regardless and it helps them win games so whatever. they do have a bit of an existential crisis about it though. like are they supposed to be that obsessed with their partner too? to which their partner say if they were that clingy the partner would be very scared.
Yes Shane is practical and level-headed, but he is also a little bit insane about the man he loves. I know he's dropping just unfathomable amounts of money to snag the one-of-a-kind vintage sports car Ilya hasn't stopped talking about for months. It's not even a birthday or anniversary. He just likes to spoil his man. Similarly, Ilya thinks nothing of booking out a whole Michelin star restaurant for a date so that Shane doesn't have to feel weird about people watching him eat. They're rich and obsessed with each other, and dropping eye-watering amounts of money to make each other smile is just a Tuesday for them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuBFmEp0b1U (Sid v Ovi doc)
I'm sure loads of people have seen this type of thing and I know Ilya and Shane were only half based on Sid and Ovi but it just popped up on my feed and holy shit do more people need to contextualise hollanov using the way people talked about Sid and Ovi. Hollanov are like what if Sid v Ovi were even more insanely talented and we gave them even more reasons to hate each other.
I know for most people (especially those from countries that don't really do hockey), you might know Gretzky or Crosby or have heard of the Quinn brothers and think "yeah, they're good. whatever." but truly the levels of parasocialism that hardcore fans of a sport reach are insane. I actually think raiders and metro twitter would repeatedly reach levels of toxic previously unknown and we already know that canonically Shane got kidnapping threats and they both had effigies of themselves burnt outside of stadiums. Even just one of them coming out as queer would send the hockey world into a coma- which I wanted to talk about actually because whilst there's a level of respect that masc gay guys get over fem gay guys, these are guys that straight men identify themselves with, they look up to them, any hockey player ever wants to be like Shane or Ilya, so to suddenly have someone that's tied to your internalised ideal of manhood be something you regard as incompatible with being a man would definitely make some people mad- but to have both of them come out as queer and then add on so many layers of who people thought they were? Honestly even without Russia I could see them ending up dead.
(btw I love how grounded snapping birch is, even when it's funny it's horrifying- I quote 'Shane Hollander is a faggot. by skittles.' to myself all the time and Ilya's twitter rant is amazing.)
Shockingly, I actually haven’t watched the Sid v Ovi doc yet in my research for snapping birch, so I’m really excited for this. Thank you for sharing!
I fully agree and I really do wish that the heated rivalry canon/fanon acknowledged the pressures on the relationship. One of the hockey games I went to recently involved the guy sitting in front of me shouting “COULD SOMEONE PUT HIM IN THE FUCKING GROUND ALREADY” about former Olympian Quinn Hughes and “WHERE DO THE REFS PARK.” Sports fans can be very passionate and attached to players in a way that’s not very kind to the players from the other team. I cannot see them taking the news that the two most popular players that have been set up as rivals since their rookie season are kissing in the Canadian moonlight. Like. I don’t think this is a “some people will always be homophobic :(” like I think they need to be worried about being shot
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Sorry imagining Ilya being able think about Shane’s eras based on what he smelled like. The first hookup he smells like generic soap & Old Spice deodorant. Hookup era he smells like the luxury cologne Ilya knows he got for free from a brand deal. Post Rose Landry he smells like some ridiculous $500 bottle of unisex cologne that his stylist put him on. At the cottage Shane smells like nothing but sweat & sunshine & the body wash they’re both using every day. Once they’re officially together Shane smells like his boring organic shampoos & fancy citrus deodorant
I 100% think that at some point someone (Troy?) told the rookies/younger Cens players that if they were "real" allies they'd kiss boys just to be sure.
Cue like, all of the Cens rookies/younger players discovering they're bi/pan/gay/queer and Troy having to explain to Ilya that it was a joke no he didn't purposefully make them have gay awakenings he thought it was harmless!
Ilya is losing it and trying not to, Shane is trying to figure out if Troy was trying to haze the rookies/younger players, Scott is getting updates and has discovered that this "ally proof" has spread to his rookies and beyond.
It gets to Boston and Marleau just drags everyone to a gay bar and sets them loose to see what happens.
we need to discuss how in tampa shane hollander went to the pool just to lay on his deck chair and ogle ilya. this is shane hollander we're talking about. in february of a season. he's not even conceivably swimming laps or something he's literally just there to ogle. hedonist
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Okay, but see here, it’s important that Hayden makes Shane laugh.
It’s really important that he’s the one in the locker room who knows Shane’s sense of humor and jokes with him.
Hayden Pike makes Shane Hollander laugh. Hayden Pike knows how to make Shane Hollander smile at stupid stuff.
Hayden doesn’t even sit next to Shane in the locker room, and he’s always making a point to slide around the guy who does sit next to Shane in order to be a goof with Shane.
Hayden does silly stuff he knows Shane will get. He drags Shane around to be a part of his life and share good things with.
ilya finds out cliff fans online are calling themselves cliffnation and he never lets it go. he is telling people he has dual citizenship: russia and cliffnation. he actually can’t get a speeding ticket because he has diplomatic immunity as an ambassador of cliffnation. all i do is win is the national anthem. the capital is marleauville.
