Goblin

Percy waking up with no memories but that he hates a bitch named Ares and that he’s wifed up

Dog I'm on somebody's fridge and they don't even follow me.

i love gambit bc when people ask him what’s wrong he’s just like “Ain’t nothin wrong with gambit.” and then the text boxes on the side would be like “gambit all alone in this world. gambit ain’t neva gone be loved.”

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

my #radiantworm

accidentally said "invasive thoughts" instead of "intrusive thoughts" today and actually I think I'm onto something. this thought does not belong here and it is harming the local ecosystem

hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee