I am for myself

@elodieunderglass

That is very strange indeed!

I read this as "be safe because I know" at first.

some of you are mentally unwell bc your reusable water bottle is filled with black mold go wash that shit

I have three partners who all cohabitate and we have a daughter together. I cannot tell you the number of times when she was little when she'd have the shocking revelation of "Wait, you LOVE Dad??" or "You and Mom are DATING??" Like yeah bud. We have all very obviously been together for most of your life and have been very upfront about that lmao "You and M are MARRIED?!?" Kid you were there! You watched the ceremony!!

SHRIEK this is EXACTLY what it’s LIKE

Why do they even make apps for ADHD. You want me to use my 24/7 handheld immediate distraction device? To manage my 'gets distracted too easily' disorder? Ooooh we developed the perfect tool for managing your anemia. Its hosted in Dracula's castle. 👍

Picked up my phone to consult my task list for today and now I'm reblogging this instead, case in point

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

The entirety of the Apollo 11 mission took up less computer storage and computation space than a single instance of Microsoft Outlook running in the background.

this is among the worst possible PR for microsoft. outlook is so shit that it fucked with the billion dollar space computer

And I think that’s beautiful

This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?

And it's gonna getcha

years later still thinking about the time i was being interviewed for a judicial clerkship and the judge asked me what i do in my free time and being a student i was like uh idk videogames and this very old very venerable respected jurist looked at me over his little glasses and said quote "oh, what kind? I love Dark Souls."

Undulates anguilliformly at you to confuse and threaten you with my highly maneuverable body

I initially read this as a riff on "breasting boobily" and was very confused. Perhaps I should so get some sleep.

"smart appliances" fuck u i want them dumb as a brick and incidentally as sturdy and enduring

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

You can leave as many cookies as you want but he’ll only et two

this remains the funniest addition anyone’s made to one of my posts

Can you swap their heads ?