reed’s side blog

just had an absolutely atrocious thought

Fuck, we’re surrounded.. take the pirate pill. I know I said I packed us cyanide pills but the pirate pills are way better they’re gonna turn us into swashbuckling pirates & that’s how we’re gonna get outta this one

i sent this gif to a black cowowker at work then later asked my white manager if he likes apple fritters and he was like "i fuckin love apple friters" and she laughed so hard she got a migraine

just had an absolutely atrocious thought

girl are you the twin towers cause you falled over

I said “beatboxing puppy” on a call with my boyfriend and he responded “NOO DONT PUT ME IN AN UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE”

i think the hardest i’ve ever been owned was when my boyfriend and i were talking about our favorite feelings/sensations and he was like “my top 9 out of 10 feelings are sex with you” and i was like “aw baby🥺🥺🥺. what’s the tenth one??” and he didn’t hesitate even a little before saying “sex with your mom”

one time a guy friend told me he was quitting league of legends and literally two weeks later she was on estrogen. these events are intrinsically connected in my mind.

There is still time [to stop playing league of legends]

"let people be wrong about you" is such good advice that i am unfortunately physically incapable of following. if i am incorrectly perceived by anyone i will simply start ripping things with my teeth

*finishes eating a ½ lb burger* wow. that was truly the minecraft of sex.

Honestly I tried to get into Dora the explora but like media is supposed to be escapism for me and she keeps like asking me like wheres this wheres that and tbh its actually really stressful. Im not dealing with that

if i was a freaky ant not immediately threatened by the zombie ant fungus but aware of its existence or the concept i think i’d fetishize that. and i’d find a chill worker ant (i’d also be a worker ant) who indulges my interests and we’d roleplay she’s the colony queen and i’d be like “ahhhhh my queen, i beg of you, don’t expose me to the zombie ant fungus i love having free will” and she’d be like “silence aphid!” bc she’s a worker ant but also a theater kid ant and she gets really into the role. but i’m not a freaky ant so i get to be normal and healthy instead.