evilbeezy

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

Nobody really knows what makes a person go to bed

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

Your 20s are not about getting your life together they're about learning to escape the self imposed torture labyrinth you've built inside your own head

hello august you piece of shit

I think strange horrible things should stop befalling my friends

I think strange wonderful things should start befalling my friends

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

a summer drink will save you & a summer fruit will save you & a glass of water will kiss you silly

We’ve talked at length today about Ilya’s horrific childhood but can we re-centre the unrestrained joy of a man who never truly got to be a child, falling in love with the safest man in the world, who also never truly got to be a kid, and both of them learning to play again? Silly roleplay, doing bits, making inside jokes, wrestling each other and playing video games and chasing each other throughout the cottage with a towel for Butt Whoopin’. Laughing like maniacs. Let’s all live forever..

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

(goverment voice) we need to protect the children from pornography so our plan is to remove their eyes so they would never see something so traumatic. if you are against removing children's eyes you are basically a pedophile