A Suspiciously Evil Looking Advisor

now the healing can begin.

oh god i just realized ive been posting on corporeal tumblr this whole time 🤦

maybe if we throw a wizard at the enemy with our trebuchet something amazing will happen

I say we find out, my liege. I'm sure the wizard council would lend us an intern for just such an experiment.

Listening to my evil advisor

let's corrupt mama

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

@evil-looking-advisor your thoughts?

I actually advised another royal on a very similar situation recently, my liege. I would suggest filling the cursed chalice with a tea made of dandelions for added realism. They function as a mild laxative, my liege, so repeated trips to the lavatory may make the facade seem convincing. At least until your advisor can find another scheme to fill his time.

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

UPDATE: I think I may have gone too far on this. I was making a whole production of being stupefied and enfeebled after he brought me my morning pistachio frappe. I had my manservant bring me to my chambers so I could cough weakly in my bed with the sunshine falling weakly across my pallid face because I know he really likes that but he didn't even smile and I heard him whispering "I didn't even poison that one" to his dark serpent. Now he hasn't even whispered maliciously into my ear all day and the servants say they saw him alone in his chambers bouncing his scrying orb into the wall. Should I come clean and apologise or do I try to make it seem like someone else poisoned me? It might cheer him up to have an imaginary rival to plot against

I would suggest making it seem like someone else poisoned you, my liege. We do enjoy an antagonist now and then.

im so bad at flirting with girls sometimes..

My liege, have you tried complimenting how they carry their swords? I've seen many members of the court secure themselves a lady by complimenting their swordplay.

thank you, advisor! For your efforts, I give you a quarter and a pair of (new) funky socks!

i bet it feels good as fuck to erupt from the soil as a skeleton warrior

drink some fucking water

I know this has been said so many times in so many words but it is never any less infuriating that we never seem to have basic social services money but we always have fucking war crime money

fucking evergreen post I guess

I concur, my liege. Perhaps you should bisect a few of them with a toothpick, just to set an example.

ahh shit i just got a heroic call to adventure alert on my phone. the fairies found some rube to wield their goddamn magic broadsword i guess. great. there goes my weekend

surely the envoys from the elf kingdom are fucking with us there's no way their language is actually like this