Imagine. Your job is to sit in front of the most powerful man in the country if not the world and interrogate him on national tv in front of god and everyone. And that man is both an idiot and hates everyone in your profession.

This guy probably went to college for journalism and clawed his way up through the industry for years to get to the point where he can be a whitehouse correspondent and is putting himself and potentially his coworkers and family in danger of being infected because he’s gotta leave the house every day to interrogate the people who work in the executive branch and report back to his news agency because that’s his frickin job even with confirmed cases on Capitol Hill. And then he asks a baseline simple question and the president calls him stupid.

Thanks for ruining the funnest thing I had going. Now I don’t even feel like torturing him.

And my all-time favorite:

And also: Aliens.

Wisconsin?

I’ll tell you

My

family

was in

Wisconsin

Cuz it’s not that far

from

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”