DFTBA✨

has anyone seen my sharp rock? i left it in the river for 100 years for safe keeping and now i can't find it. its many uneven edges have sentimental significance

it's crazy how february-june didn't happen

I hope you never outgrow being excited by bookstores, listening to the rain, flowers and finding the perfect mug.

They tried to execute me yesterday but my ass was too fat to fit in the electric chair so they just told me to promise I'd stop posting stupid shit. Which I obviously did not agree to.

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

it’s okay guys I’m literally as normal as a person in my situation can be

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

How about Other people start worrying about how I perceive them

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

you are just cranky because i took something imperceptible from you and you cannot recall it in its absence but you feel the edges of it anyway

guys you gotta stop thinking of women in their 30s as elderly it’s just misogyny

you also gotta stop thinking about actual elderly women as lesser human beings. Youth is not a measure of one’s worth.

The Clarifier would like to make just one more comment

1920s guy driving a model t with a "i bought this before ford went crazy" bumper sticker