Ranking Non-Human DS9 Characters By How Interesting They Would Be If They Were Vampires
Leeta: I think this could be fun but knowing the show it would quickly land in Elvira territory.
Quark: As a rule, I think it's more interesting to consider if characters were vampires the whole time than getting turned mid-show (because getting turned has been played out so many times and there's not much new to do with it). However, Quark is the exception, because if he were a vampire from the beginning it would just be a very obvious metaphor for capitalism, but if he were turned mid-show the comedic potential would be gold. Vampirism is so violent and Quark really hates being up close and personal with violence. Would have a real problem with it until he figured out a way to monetize it. Once he learns some people have a fetish and will pay to be bitten he'll be devastated when Dr. Bashir invents the cure.
Worf: Worf already has deep angst about his capacity for violence that makes him hate fun (according to Let He Who Is Without Sin) and this is just more of that in a fairly boring way. Why he scores higher than Quark is because I'm imagining Worf's human parents adopting a child and finding out he's a vampire and deciding to love and raise him anyway, and I think that's funny. (Vampires aren't stuck at one age here for the purposes of comedy.) And he thinks everything about him is that way because he's a vampire until he meets the others, much like in canon.
Rom: Even funnier than Quark, because of Rom's general affability and dopiness. Unlike Quark, I think he would remain a vampire until the end of the series and it's just kind of a running joke in the background. Quark finds Rom drinking blood less disgusting than Rom drinking root beer.
Jadzia: Vampirism works pretty well with her arc of being a joined Trill- she was recently turned and is still figuring out the rules of engagement and how to balance vampirism and Starfleet. Julian is infatuated with her about it and she isn't interested. Curzon is her sire and still running around and that provides fodder for an interesting dynamic. Is Ezri someone she turns by accident? I'm unclear on that part but I think there's interesting potential, particularly for it to give early seasons Jadzia more to work with. (Later seasons Jadzia doesn't need it as much.)
Garak: Garak was my initial number one because I always want to hit him with more angst. Tain was his sire, but not his biodad, which adds a whole other layer to "admit you're my father," especially if Tain killed his real father. How long has Garak been alive and doing this? When was he turned and what memories does he have of life before? In The Wire, he runs out of his secret source of blood and has to come clean to Bashir about it, who has been trying for a year to figure out if he is a vampire or not without success. Works extremely well with his whole oh-ho-I'm-just-a-simple-tailor whoops actually-I'm-very-dangerous-in-the-dark-don't-mind-the-sharpness-of-my-smile thing. I'm ranking it lower than initially thought though because at the end of the day it's interesting but doesn't change much; works out pretty much the same as in canon.
Kira: Kira has that thing with Kai Opaka about how she worries the Prophets won't forgive her for all the blood she's spilled and just imagine how hard core that scene would be if she drank the blood instead, and violence is a part of her she cannot excise. The Resistance feeding on the Cardassian soldiers they kill is fucking metal. But then what happens when you don't have Cardassians as acceptable targets anymore? What if that's part of what splinter sects like the Kohn Ma were radical about, was who or how they drank from after the withdrawal? Did Cardassians bring vampirism with them or is it a Bajoran thing? What if Starfleet can offer a cure and Kira et al have to decide if they want it? Endless room here. Also offers further fuel to why she is so unable to face her father's death.
Odo: At first I was going to put Odo on the bottom of the list because vampirism is such a physical, primal thing and he's so divorced from his own body's needs and capabilities, and then I realized that's the genius of it. Odo is the stranger in a strange land who doesn't know how his anatomy works or what he's capable of until they find the Founders, who are like surprise, you can do so much more than you realize but you need to drink the blood of solids in order to do it! Drinking blood replaces linking as what the voice of the founders distracts him with during the occupation arc. The fear and disgust the others on the station have when they learn the truth. Makes changelings even that much more untrustworthy and frightening and witch-hunt-worthy. Does Odo become a regular blood drinker? Is it worth it? Or does he commit to always denying himself? How does this affect his ending?
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