And mr. Sailorman was a completely different man

"Le Guignon" by Charles Baudelaire, The Flowers of Evil, 1857 ("Ill-Starred" trans. William Sigler)

A reminder that sell-buy dates or best-used-by dates are not the same as expiration dates.

The website puts a link to the USDA site which links to foodsafety dot gov who really wants you to use the app, but you can bypass it.

Also a link to the Canadian government's advisory on best-before dates.

State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.

........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.

There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.

And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.

And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.

Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.

Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.

Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"

The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.

My writing and thought process?

My religion is character depth and development... because I don't like playing with cardboard dolls. The whole appeal of fanfic for me is that it makes me feel like I understand the characters I love much better. My second religion is always have a grounding premise for why the story happens and what drives the plot always, even in stories that are explicitly romantic, smutty, or comedic. No exception.

Because this is the way I operate, sometimes I would come up with a premise involving so and so character and initially think it some small, simple piece.... but then char dev and plot progression more often than not would inevitably balloon my previously thought small, cute, simple piece into something that bears almost no resemblance to the initial idea at all... like... a multi-arc deeply layered, philosophical saga about the nature of loneliness and immortality in a human world... as what happened to Etalon. I really only wanted to write Yuji telling Gojo and the sorcerers that are tailing him: "My father just couldn't stand the thought of his clan not having anything to answer yours, so he got creative. Seriously, if he had been a bit less egoistic and actually let his clansmen know his experiments were finally bearing fruits, he might actually have gotten away with it. But you see, too bad for my father, I took a loooooong time baking in my mother's belly. Sorry I just came out around now. It's given me time to think things through. No offense but… I really don't want anything to do with this whole custody court case drama. I just want to live the good life with my siblings. You understand that right?"

Essentially selling them the story that he's the 10th death painting and the only one that ever finishes baking, thus igniting Jujutsu world war as the three big clans make a go at each other. The story he feeds them is so good that even Kenjaku is duped. Because Yuji really is the product of his eugenic experiments. He is the prized success after a long string of failure. Even Kenjaku would be taken aback when he hears of this and starts thinking… oh man did my baby awaken something unexpected? ... At least.... that was the initial plan....

.... haaa.... most of it is still there just in slightly different form. But the story starts out in a comedic tone with this somewhat flippant Yuji going around throwing people off his tail by giving them some of the most outlandish stories out there about who he really is and what he really is trying to do. And then now I'm writing a mournful baby Yuji who gets to watch his future self slowly surrenders his humanity and becomes a sleeping good to keep the rest of humanity surviving in one of the most horrifying god machine set up out there. It also was supposed to be a lot smaller in scale... but now we have ARCS ladies and gentlemen!!!

That is the joke. Because I am singularly the worst person when it comes to predicting the length and scope of my own writing!!! Because I am prone to getting lost in the character's heads! And my brain likes big, complex concepts far too much! And I demand hard science in a series that is clearly not all that sciency but fuck that shit we gotta ball with real science or else! How the frig do you scientifically explain sorcery? But yes you can so long as you treat conceptual soul physics as an extension of some of the most frontier science of the nature of reality and our place in this universe!!! Is life actually a logic virus on the tapestry of reality? Like a metatastizing cancer that is trying to spread beyond the scope of a singular planet? What is the nature of consciousness? Are we indeed just tiny microcospic part of a material universe in the midst of awakening to its sense of self??

It's funny is it not??!!! 😭😭😭Mama's Boy was supposed to be a oneshot and all!!! But then my brain started asking questions and I can't take no answer for an answer.

Just ask @erimies. Anytime I say, this is gonna be a oneshot, she laughes at me. LAUGHS AT ME!!! 😭

Something funny about Etalon that is not written? Hmm... at one point in the story, Yuji works for a maid cafe. This is his maid uniform:

One aspect I absolutely want to include in Etalon once Choso and bros Because it takes a lot of money to feed 9 dudes who have not eaten for 150 years!!! It takes a lot of money to run a 10 person household period! Baby Yuji is good with a lot of things via inheriting the memories of his future self, but money making is not one of them. Because bad end Yuji, the Yuji of that other timeline, was a bum for a good bit in his life, running away from the jujutsu world, and then when he decided to come back because he could not just sit and watch disasters unfold, he had become someone that governments and organizations cater to on almost every physical mundane aspect of his life. Money was never really much of an issue to him especially because he didn't have anyone he needed to take care of for long. And then he became a god of the wasteland with people revering him and placing tributes around his proximity regardless of his telling them not to... and from there on it just does not improve. So... Yuji is not good with money.

But he needs to get good with money. Because he is the only one his brothers have in this modern world.

So the running joke of Etalon is that Ten in the mouths of the jujutsu world is this terrifyingly powerful and mysterious sorcerer whose power pretty much breaks the scale and people are so curious and terrified about whatever it is he is up to.... and.... cue the scene change... he's flipping burgers at WacDonald on his second shift before his third shift at the maid cafe, trying to save up money to repair the mountain home he got for his brothers and paying the grocery bills.

And then one day a group of students from this weird school called the Cursed Technical College Tokyo AND Kyoto branches visit his cafe while gossiping about the newest Special Grade Sorcerer known as Ten. Everybody asking what he even looks like and Megumi listing off his known physical traits: teenage boy, pink hair, so high...

What shade of pink? Somebody asks.

That shade of pink. Says Megumi pointing at the maid waitress passing by in the cute costume with the bubblegum pink hair, and everybody in their group looks and everybody thinks...

There's no way right?

back then i made a bunch of these but by now i lost the pic and dont know how to find the original post anymore

so anyway here is the diagram for anyone else who is interested!!

this requires pretty big carboard pieces, if you have a really big box or something you can make it from one piece, but if you don't, you can also just make each of the pieces individually and then tape them together

and then in the end you put it together like this!!

and then when you make a bunch you can put them all next to each other and stack your books like crazy

1. The Setup (Separate Worlds)

Each character is introduced in their own emotional world. We see:

Their wounds, needs, and flaws

What they want vs. what they actually need

Why love is currently not working for them

This stage sets up why the romance matters.

2. The Meet Cute or First Collision

They meet in a way that creates friction, curiosity, or disruption. This can be cute, hostile, awkward, or intense — but it must change something for both of them.

3. Attraction and Tension

They feel drawn to each other, but:

There are obstacles (external or internal)

They deny, resist, or misinterpret their feelings

Chemistry builds through proximity, conflict, or emotional glimpses

This is the slow pull stage.

4. Forced Proximity or Emotional Intimacy

Circumstances push them together:

Working together

Traveling together

Being trapped together

Sharing secrets or vulnerability

This is where emotional bonding starts, even if they don’t admit it.

5. The First Shift (Romantic or Emotional Breakthrough)

A moment changes the nature of their relationship:

First kiss

Confession

One saves the other

A moment of deep understanding

After this, the story is no longer “will they notice each other?” but “what does this mean now?”

6. The Honeymoon or Hope Phase

Things feel good. There’s closeness, trust, or passion. The reader is allowed to believe the relationship might actually work.

This makes the coming conflict hurt more.

7. The Break (The Black Moment)

Something shatters the relationship:

A betrayal, lie, misunderstanding, or revelation

A fear or wound resurfaces

External pressure pulls them apart

This is the emotional low point of the romance.

8. The Growth and Choice

Both characters grow:

They confront their flaws or fears

They choose love intentionally, not accidentally

They become capable of sustaining the relationship

This is where love becomes a decision, not just a feeling.

9. The Reunion and Resolution (HEA or HFN)

They reunite with honesty and emotional maturity. The story resolves with:

A Happily Ever After (HEA) or

A Happy For Now (HFN)

The emotional promise of the genre is fulfilled.

✦ Why This Structure Works

Romance isn’t just about attraction — it’s about emotional transformation through love. Each stage:

Builds intimacy

Introduces risk

Forces growth

Rewards vulnerability

Before I go, let go of the ghost Just let her disappear And then maybe you'll see me While I'm still here I’m still here Before I go, let’s give up the ghost Just be with me instead I know I might be dying But I'm not dead I'm not dead

— "Before I Go," Kimberly Akimbo

Buffy the Vampire Slayer + theatre — 7/?