lick it like u like it

whenever i eat mushrooms i think about how one day mushrooms are gonna eat me… i make sure to chew really gently so they’ll return the favor 2 my corpse

Hey op

me, through a mouthful of gently-chewed mushrooms: yeah?

Why

god, it’s so crazy we all have bones… like, just these big hard rods holding our meat up. that’s so fucking wild, i can’t believe it

one of the main reasons i don’t want to get pregnant is i can’t handle the idea of growing bones and not keeping them

this is a very reasonable concern. you go to all that trouble growing new bones and then some shitlord infant steals them out from under you. disgraceful

we no longer have to Make Do

*walking into the apple store* hey Genius Bar if youre such fucking geniuses what should i do with my life, huh?  huh, smart guys?  hm?  please?

why my hand shaky

your skeleton is ready to hatch

this is so fucking ominous thank you

“It would be to expensive to provide for everyone or implement environmentally sustainable practices” really just translates to “the well being of humans and the environment are low on capitalism’s priority list”.

Explain to me how a Polar Bear being happy affects me being happy. I don’t like bears. 

polar bears exist so they can eat people who make dumb comments like this

Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi

those are his hooves you bitch

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there

this is the most dramatic video I’ve ever seen

I’m gagging…

I thought the caption was an exaggeration but it’s not

I cant be mad but like… Jesus

Ive watched this like 3 times

Wow..

i feel like i’m seeing this through 3 pairs of eyes

ok but like this is basically a music video? like damn get into the editing business girl

telling me to shut up is a violation of my first amendment rights, so technically i can speak for as long as i want. anyway, i don’t know the bride or groom but i do have some thoughts on the 4th shrek movie,

That scene in the shining where he breaks down the door but instead of jack nicholson its the doulingo owl

don’t leave animals alone in your home. this could happen to you.

Me listening to George Michael