em

It's not rare for Shane to start a conversation with an abrupt, blunt question. So it really shouldn't have surprised him when Shane interrupted the comfortable silence of breakfast to ask, "did you like fucking women more than men?"

Ilya paused, his spoonful of Lucky Charms (Shane could pry them from his cold dead hands) half way to his mouth. "What?"

"Like before we were together, obviously."

"Shane, you know I love fucking you more than I've ever loved fucking anyone else."

"I know," Shane rolled his eyes and held up his wedding ring. "I meant, like, in general."

"Why are you asking then?"

"Rose asked me once if being with a man was better," Shane explained. "And obviously, yes for me, because I'm gay. But you like both, so I just... I dunno. I wondered if you liked one a little better."

"Hmm," Ilya considered. He tried to answer all Shane's questions as well as he could. "I don't know. I have only been with two men."

"You - really?"

"Yes," Ilya nodded. "Just you and Sasha. It was risky to find men and I like women, so. That was easier. Sometimes men flirt with me but they weren't..."

"Weren't what?"

"They weren't...," Ilya realized his answer then, one he hadn't even been aware of until he thought about it. "They weren't you."

Shane did one of Ilya's favourite smiles. His lips pressed together, a little awkward, one that he couldn't control and he did when he was really pleased.

But of course, now Shane was curious, so he followed up, "how is it different?"

"You have fucked women, Shane."

"I know," Shane rolled his eyes. "But I wasn't attracted to them. You were. I mean, it must of been good."

"With me, always," Ilya smirked and Shane scoffed, but didn't deny it. "It's different in a lot of ways. I can be rougher with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Some women like rough, too, but I can't be too rough. Most women don't like sucking cock as much as you do."

"They don't?" Shane's brows drew together, so adorably confused about how someone wouldn't love sucking cock.

"Not usually," Ilya shrugged. "But it was fine. More time for eating pussy."

Shane scrunched up his face like Ilya didn't just eat him out this morning. Or maybe he was jealous. Like a jealous little kitten when their mama is paying attention to someone else

Ilya suddenly got an idea. A great idea.

"Biggest difference was probably the challenge," Ilya lamented, keeping a close eye on Shane's expression.

"What challenge," Shane eyes zeroed in on him like a little cat on a laser pointer.

"Oh you know," Ilya said distractedly, using all his self control to keep his face blank. "How many times women can come."

"What do you mean?"

"They don't have a, uh, cool down time, you know," Ilya said. It might not have been strictly true. He knew most women needed a little cool down, but much less than men. But he didn't have time for semantics right now while he's trying to rile up his husband. "I mean, they can come over and over and over..."

"I get it," Shane said tightly, stabbing his protein pancake with a little too much force.

"I think my record was like 20 times in one hour."

"Oh fuck off, it was not."

"It was."

It was not. More like 8 times, which was still impressive, in his humble opinion.

Then Shane paused and considered him. He had that cute concentrated face he gets when he's thinking through a play.

"We have tomorrow off," Shane thought aloud. "We could go by day instead of hour because that's fucking impossible. Or, maybe 12 hour periods." Shane taps his fingers against the table and narrows his eyes. "We could keep score with each other."

This isn't fair. This was Ilya's fun game to make Shane jealous and get to fuck a jealous Shane before practice which was one of his favourite types of Shane to fuck.

"What do you mean," Ilya asked.

"We make it a challenge," Shane smirked a little. "Since you miss that so much. Tomorrow. 12 hours. How many times I make you come are points for me and how many times you make me come are points for you."

"Fuck, Shane," Ilya readjusted himself and glanced at the clock. "We have 2 hours before practice. We can get a head start."

"No way," Shane stood up and started clearing the table. "We need to start fresh for tomorrow. No sex today or tonight."

He really should have known that first question was a fucking trap.

Ilya's pulled quite a few of these internet pranks on Shane and Harris always loves them so, eager to get one over on his husband, Shane sets up his phone, makes sure the camera is rolling, and sits down at their kitchen island with his morning smoothie. When Ilya makes his way into the room, Shane offers him a sip of his drink, which Ilya happily takes, with a softly spoken "thank you, любовь." Shane knows he doesn't like his smoothies but they've reached an agreement, where Ilya will always taste it and, in return, Shane won't make him drink a full glass.

Shane then carefully wipes off the rim of the glass with a napkin before sipping it himself.

He can see Ilya freeze up in his periphery and Shane can feel every nerve ending tingle as he desperately tries to remain nonchalant, so as to not give the prank away.

"What was that?" Ilya asks, his voice perfectly level, if slightly cold.

"Nothing," Shane tells him, trying not to vibrate out of his skin, trying not to look at the camera.

"Was not nothing," Ilya replies. "What did you do?"

Shane shrugs, "just wiped the glass."

"Why?" Shane makes the mistake of looking directly at Ilya and can feel a thrill shoot up his spine. He's not afraid of his husband but in that moment he can understand why some people are. Ilya looks imposing. His mouth a thinly drawn line, his eyes steely, arms crossed over his bare chest in a way that makes his already impressive biceps and pecs bulge out. Shane's throat suddenly feels dry.

"Hygiene?" It comes out sounding like a question, weak and croaky.

Ilya slowly raises his eyebrows before repeating Shane's answer back to him. "Hygiene," he says. He lets the word sit there between them for a while, as though to give Shane the chance to retract it.

He doesn't.

The footage never gets shared and when JJ asks Shane if he ever went through with the prank, he blushes from the roots of his hair down to his chest. He thinks he says no. He knows it's not believable. JJ doesn't press the matter but the look in his eye makes Shane fear he knows exactly what went down. Although, he can't, can he? How could he?

There's no way he can tell, just by looking at Shane, that Ilya slowly walked over to him and grabbed his glass before tugging at the drawstring of his sweatpants, letting them drop to the floor. He can't know how Ilya took himself in hand and tugged at himself, eyes firmly on Shane who sat at their kitchen island and watched on, frozen, as Ilya brought himself to climax straight into Shane's smoothie. He can't know how he walked over to their cutlery drawer and swirled it into Shane's drink before bringing the glass back over and sitting down, watching Shane expectantly. He can't know how Shane felt like every muscle in his body had locked up as he watched the display, nor how quickly he reacted when Ilya simply said, "drink." There's no way he knows that Shane drained the glass. He doesn't know the intensity of Ilya's gaze as Shane swallowed it down. He doesn't know how he then stood and grasped Shane's face with the same hand he had brought himself off with, hooking his fingers behind Shane's bottom teeth to open his mouth, as though to ensure that he had indeed swallowed it all down, before he spat into his mouth and closed it, tilting his head back to watch Shane's Adam's apple bob as Ilya's saliva slid down the back of his throat. He doesn't know how Ilya patted his cheek before walking out of the room. He doesn't know how long Shane sat there, completely immobile, his cock fully hard and straining against his trousers, before he gained enough awareness to collect his phone and stop the recording.

it’s all fine until during a break someone asks if Ilya caught cold, and Bood chimes in like yeah Roz you sound like shit, you know you can take a day off right? And Ilya is croaking out protests but the team is all supportive and like “yeah cap it’s okay to take a day off, why don’t you leave early and get some rest”

Bood is like Roz don’t even worry about it i’ll be captain for the day and Shane can finish running your drills, your down with that right Holzy?

and ilya is just smirking and staring expectantly at shane who is turning red

and everyones waiting for shane and he finally opens his mouth and croaks out “actually i’m feeling kinda sick too, i think me and ilya are both coming down with something” and they’re just like “oh nooo well you go home too we don’t want anyone else getting sick”

and so they both get sent home and when they’re alone in the locker room taking their gear off ilya says hoarsely “funny…you skate pretty well for someone coming down with something…”

and shane croaks back “yeah well i’m only like this cause SOMEONE was cumming down SOMETHING last night”

and ilya is like “is your fault listen to what you did to me”

and shane is like “oh really? i thought it was just your pack a day finally catching up with you”

and they’re bickering about whose voice is hoarser all the way to the car

they do not learn their lesson and suck eachother off again as soon as they get home

— What are you doing?

“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”