Existential Daydreaming

Need to be taken apart and reassembled like a broken watch . Not in a sex way I just think they should put my joints together right this time

i hate that when you try and look up shit for writing purposes it starts linking suicide hotlines and addiction advice articles like bro i just wanna know the information im not killing myself i promise. now tell me what i wanna know

Starting a new religion. I'm not sure about the belief system yet, but the temples need to include obstacle courses of dangerous death traps that need to keep working for at least 2,000 years.

wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

I truly believe being a tumblr user for longer then 5+ years gives you the resilience of a 1000 suns compared to other social media websites while also turning you into some kind of cave dwelling gremlin creature collecting their favorite treasures through reblogs.

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

so few people appreciate the wisdom I have to offer.........

Is that a miette?

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

@sandstonesunspear

Jesus Tapdancing Christ... THIS is a good welt pocket and the people who designed Simplicity 2895 ought to be blasted well ASHAMED of themselves for the crap way THEY wanted a welt pocket made. *SNARLS*

HOT DAMN