Sandpaper kisses, Papercut bliss

After Shane and Ilya get married Ilya is so happy to finally change his pfp to be one of him and Shane. To piss Ilya off Hayden also changes his pfp to him and Shane. Cue different NHL players slowly changing their pfp to photos of them and Shane. It basically becomes and unspoken trend that when you enter the NHL you need to get a photo with Shane Hollander to change your pfp as a right of passage.

Tuna melt au where Shane starts freaking out and so to distract him Ilya is like "I got the marble imported from Turkey, custom cut by a local contractor here in Boston" and Shane wants to have a freak out but he's always wondered about the quality of marble from Turkey, he got his counters from Italy and China but he saw options from Turkey and Brazil and wondered. He really should go, but now he's wondering if Ilya will answer his other questions like who was the architect that built this house and where did ilya find that tile that's in his guest bathroom. Basically Ilya using Shane's real estate fetish to keep him from running out during the tuna meltdown.

​a man who has never denied himself anything meets a man who denies himself everything and the hedonist tries to lure the self-abnegator into succumbing to the pleasures of the flesh and succeeds but their rendezvous makes accidentally clear that true pleasure is derived from the perilous destructive nature of intimate connection and eventually true actual love and so we come to conclude that in fact the hedonist is the one who has never allowed himself anything true while the self-abnegator has never strayed from the path of his want and then they put them on ice skates and gave them sticks

One day Yuna sends Ilya a picture of Shane with his little old man pajamas ready for bed and Ilya has been so conditioned by Shane's habits he genuine blue screens at the fact that his mother-in-law just sent him pictures of her son in what has become effectively lingerie in their house

ilya speaks so much russian when they have sex that shane’s tail starts wagging out of habit whenever he hears him use it outside of their bedroom. their car mechanic happens to be russian and when ilya calls the guy to talk about bringing his car in for an oil change shane is approximately two seconds away from dropping to his knees because he knows he’s doing a good job when ilya’s english starts to fail and he switches to speaking russian

shane wakes up from a nap and notices that ilya isn’t in the room, which is incredibly weird because since they arrived in spain, ilya seems to think he’s a part of shane’s body. he gets worried and picks up his phone and sees that ilya sent him a message saying “my beloved sweetheart, i’m down at the dance ballroom learning salsa with incredible ladies” and shane snorts and thinks “that seems like a place where ilya would be”. so he goes after his husband and finds him surrounded by old ladies, dancing with one of them, and one of the ladies notices shane at the door and goes “oh young boy, you haven’t lied, you do have a very good looking husband” and ilya follows her gaze and finds shane and opens a wide grin going “mi amor!” and he apologizes to the lady he was dancing with to go to his husband and another lady says “oh if i was younger that boy right there would be my catch” and ilya turns to her with shane in his arms and goes “ah no, shane is useless with women” and shane slaps him and he keeps going “me on the other hand, i’m for incredible women like you all” and the same lady says “if you didn’t spend the whole hour talking about your husband we would’ve believed you” and ilya fake gasps while shane laughs and goes “don’t say that, my husband already has a big ego” and he smiles and turns to shane who was already looking at him and he kisses his husband while the ladies cheer.

I think one time during the final Boston year Shane chips his tooth and he shows up to Metros practice and the guys are like "Wait did you get clipped in the last game? Where were we?" and Shane is like "Yeah, I didn't even notice it during the game, must've been a stray stick or something. You got tape I can borrow?" Quickly changing the subject because he actually chipped his tooth while voraciously sexting Ilya and trying to get a well-composed photograph of his pecs but he was finding it hard to flex and push his biceps in toward his chest while holding the phone up above his head lying down in bed dildo half-in his ass while Ilya is sending rapid-fire text messages from the back of the Raider's team bus during an 8-week dry spell like—Send hole, Send nipples, tell me you love me, Send me your cock, tell me you want my cock, are you moaning? send me a voice note, yes I'll keep it quiet, volume is low Hollander, did you get the toy in? God I fucking love you. Missed you so much today almost chartered my own flight to Montreal, Yes I know you would be turned off by bad financial decision, God I want to swallow your dick. I want to see your nipples baby want to come all over them make you push your tits together, alright I won't call them tits you are no fun, make it nice for me, baby baby babyyyyyy, my good little— and Shane is rapid fire messaging back and also trying to take pictures and his cock is so hard it hurts and then he drops the phone on his face, chipping the tooth and swearing and the next picture he sends to Ilya is his fat fucking lip and bloody mouth and chipped tooth and despite being a little worried about what happened, Ilya nearly shoots off in his pants, no context needed. Cliff wakes up from a nap and thumps Ilya's back, thinking he's choking on his Doritos.

i just imagine the oldies at david’s mcgill hockey team is jealous as fuck like what do you MEAN his son and son in law are THE HOCKEY GUYS like the best ones. some of them tried to get their child to date a hockey player and didn’t even succeed but david hollander not only is the father of the best hockey player but also the father in law of the other best hockey player??? i swear he’s living the dream of some of his old teammates they hate to see a uni reunion coming

a side effect of the fact that shane and ilya are not just husbands but also best friends is that i do in fact believe that shane calls ilya "dude" sometimes. he's a jock !! he's a jock and that's his best friend and the coolest and funniest person he knows like yes that's his man but that's also his dude !