:3

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

it is actually haunting me that I forgot to wave. if he looked out the airplane window, he wouldn’t have seen me…..

Go outside and wave real quick. He can not see you from wherever he is just as well as he could not see you from his plane. It's still nothing, nothing will change, but a process would occur.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

I’m actually kind of glad aspartame is the latest food additive boogeyman for crunchy people, not because I think it is terrible for humanity but because it is a major migraine trigger for me and makes me violently ill. It’s hidden in so many things for no fucking reason, liquid medicine, mints, drinks that aren’t even marked diet. There are so many times I’ve bought something that had sugar in it and looked at the ingredients and realized it also had aspartame in it OR drunk something and gotten sick and realized it was on the ingredient list. It’s my fault for not checking but there are so many other artificial sweeteners that don’t have that controversy behind them and don’t have so many people reporting adverse effects but it’s like aspartame manufacturers are pitching their product left and right. It’s kind of nice to see products marked with ‘NO ASPARTAME’ now.

now that the world cup is out of the way can we focus on me instead

this fucking girl on bumble sent me like three shy anime girl images and said like “uhmm… hi you seem really cool 😖😖 i’m so nervous” and it fr pissed me off so bad i deleted the app

all the people saying “you fumbled this girl! i want her” how does it feel to be a sucker

(writes something) god this sucks so bad. this is awful. i'm the worst writer ever. this is nothing. (rereads it a while after writing it) oh dude this is fire. i'm the god of writing. (writes something again) god this sucks so bad. th

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

can we focus on the gnome for a second

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

these are the people i have to share a highway with

I love yall. Whoever you are. I'll always love you person reading this.

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek