EkoWolf

officially a high school grad🎉

updating years later with the junior college cap. i decorated it last night, after so many doctors told me i’d never be able to return to school

i crawled my way back so many times these past few years after my body took hit after hit. but i did it & im so proud of myself

⟡ “I don’t know when I stopped feeling like myself, but I know it wasn’t all at once.”

⟡ “I keep waiting to miss this life more than I hate it.”

⟡ “I don’t even know if I’m sad or just tired of pretending I’m not.”

⟡ “You ever wake up and realize you’re living a life you didn’t mean to choose?”

⟡ “I don’t hate you. I just don’t recognize who I am around you anymore.”

⟡ “I thought if I ignored it long enough, it would go away. It didn’t.”

⟡ “I’m not asking you to fix it. I just need you to stop telling me it’s fine.”

⟡ “I keep telling myself this is enough, but it never sounds convincing.”

⟡ “I don’t know what I want, I just know this isn’t it.”

⟡ “I’m scared that if I stop, everything I’ve been holding together will fall apart.”

⟡ “I don’t want to leave. I just don’t want to stay like this.”

⟡ “I don’t feel brave. I feel cornered.”

⟡ “Every time I say I’m okay, something in me flinches.”

⟡ “I don’t know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful.”

⟡ “I keep thinking there has to be more than just getting through the day.”

⟡ “I don’t trust myself to make a decision because what if I regret all of them?”

⟡ “I don’t know who I’d be if I wasn’t needed all the time.”

⟡ “I thought being strong would feel different than this.”

⟡ “I don’t want to disappear. I just want the noise to stop.”

⟡ “I don’t know how to ask for help without feeling like I failed.”

⟡ “I keep hoping something will force my hand so I don’t have to choose.”

⟡ “I don’t know how to leave without hurting someone.”

⟡ “I don’t want to be the reason everything changes.”

⟡ “I don’t know if I’m scared of losing this or scared of keeping it.”

⟡ “I feel like I’m watching my own life instead of living it.”

⟡ “I don’t know how much longer I can carry this and still call it living.”

⟡ “I keep thinking tomorrow I’ll feel different. Tomorrow keeps showing up the same.”

ch 3/? polytrix endgame but without a focus on romance autistic!polytrix , ocd!rumi , hurt/comfort , character study

It isn’t supposed to be this way and she knows it. Yet, all she wants to do is give in. She wants to fall into the fog filling her room and for once, let it embrace her. She wants it to carry her somewhere lighter, somewhere softer, somewhere higher. When she’s finally there, surrounded by warmth and quiet, Rumi wants it to rock her to sleep in its effervescent embrace.

There, she will rest.

She’ll remember or she’ll learn for the very first time how to relax; how to exist without all that extra weight on her shoulders.

And when the sun finally rises, only once Rumi is prepared, the fog will lift. Rumi will wake back up with her feet planted firmly on the ground and her mind so strong. She will be okay. She will be whole.

read the rest on ao3

...treerpy (?)

People pleasers are not attempting to manipulate anyone.

They are repeating patterns that once kept them safe during a period of time when they were not safe.

This is not about control. It is about survival.

When a child grows up in an environment where love, safety, or stability are unpredictable, their nervous system learns that attunement to others is protective. Reading moods. Anticipating needs. De-escalating conflict. Making themselves useful, agreeable, or invisible. These are not personality flaws. They are adaptive responses.

People pleasing is a form of self-regulation.

It is a nervous system strategy developed to reduce threat. If I keep you calm, you will not hurt me. If I stay agreeable, I will not be abandoned. If I anticipate what you want, I might stay safe.

Yes, these patterns can become maladaptive in adulthood. Yes, they can interfere with boundaries and healthy relationships. That does not make the person “toxic,” manipulative, or morally deficient.

It means their nervous system learned a rule that is no longer necessary, but still feels mandatory.

Unlearning people pleasing is not about shaming someone into “just setting boundaries.” It is about helping the nervous system learn that safety no longer depends on self-erasure.

You cannot bully a trauma response out of someone.