Rusting Cat

Kara half-hazardly picked up some trousers and an old button down shirt. She pulled up her hair in an easy bun and skipped out on most of her make up. She flew to the office just in time to make it to her morning meeting and only realised afterwards how messy her hair turned by the wind.

She tried to get her hair in order and attempted to drown her misery in work, but felt too deflated to concentrate on anything.

“What’s up?” It was Nia who cornered her at her desk after a daily staff meeting.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked defensively.

“Kara, you look like a kicked puppy, what happened?”

“No I'm not.” Her lie wasn't convincing even to herself anymore.

Nia only raised an eyebrow in return.

“Am I really that obvious?” She sighed. Her hands fell on her desk like a deflated balloon.

“I mean, kinda?” Nia chuckled and leaned against Kara’s desk. “You’re the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, your emotions are pretty out there.”

The declaration felt like a blow to her stomach. She spent her entire life hiding, and now she learns she was never actually capable of it. Was all of her efforts pointless?

“That's a good thing!” Nia tried to reassure her, but Kara wasn’t sure she bought that. “I really mean it.” She reached out a hand and squeezed Kara’s arm. “It means you know who you are. And trust me when I say it, hiding yourself or how you feel is never a good thing, so being like that it's like… a superpower.”

Kara couldn’t help but chuckle at that, feeling slightly lighter.

“It’s true!” Nia joined her. “Not that you are lacking on those,” She added in a whisper, “But this is something else. This is special.”

A few tears had betrayed her and she had to actively stop herself from weeping openly in the middle of the office. Nia flashed her a small smile and pulled her up for a hug. 

“I'm always here for you. You know that, right?” Nia whispered in her ear as she held her closely.

“Thank you,” She whispered to Nia, her voice coming out shakier than anticipated.

“Of course.” Nia didn’t let go until Kara loosened her grip.

— — — 

“I think I might be gay.”

“Hello to you too.” Alex opened up her door wider for Kara to enter.

“Is that Kara?” Kelly asked from inside the house.

“Yeah!” Alex called out.

“Is she staying for dinner?”

“Seems like it!” Alex called back without needing to ask.

Kara made a sound of protest at her sister's based assumption but she just waved her off.

“I'll put an extra pizza in the oven.” Kelly announced.

“So, you're gay?” Her sister turned to her in question.

“Um… I don't know.” Kara mumbled, her thoughts felt too scrambled in her head. Too raw to dissect.

Alex pulled her in for a side hug and squeezed her arm. “It's okay.” She reassured her.

“Oh, do you need a sister's moment?” Kelly walked in, wiping her hand on a towel.

“No, that's fine.” Kara said. “I just… I'm very confused.”

“What about?” Kelly asked softly as Alex grabbed the towel from her hand and took it back to the kitchen.

“Everything.” Kara let out and slumped down on the couch. 

“I've heard the word gay being thrown in, so is that related to that?” Kelly asked and took a seat at the small couch in front of her.

“Yeah…” Kara nodded and averted her gaze.

“You want to talk about it?”

Alex walked in carrying mugs of tea for both Kara and Kelly. She placed a quick kiss on Kelly's crowm before returning to the kitchen.

“Yeah…” Kara repeated, unsure where to start.

Alex walked in again with a mug of her own and took a seat next to Kara.

“You talked with Lena?” Alex asked.

“Yeah…” Was apparently all Kara was capable of saying.

“How was it?”

“It was… terrible. I apologised and told her about the Mxy thing, but she just told me to leave, so I did.” She decided to leave the violent glass throw and the scotch stain.

“I'm sorry, I feel like I'm missing something here. You two dated?” Kelly asked. Alex let out a small laugh while Kara could only study the floor. “And what is a Mixy?”

“I'm Supergirl.” Kara blurred out before Alex could protest. She was tired of secrets, all of them. From herself and others.

“Oh, um,”It was Kelly who was rendered speechless this time, looking confused at Kara with a hint of worry.

“Kara…” Alex directed her with a pointed look but there was little she could do at this point.

Just to make the matter clearer, Kara placed the mug on the table and flew up. She did a small twirl in the air and returned to her seat, emptying the hot tea in one swoop.

“Oh.” Kelly repeated, her gaze fixated on Kara as if trying to process what she just saw. “Okay, I will have to unpack it later, so am I to assume Lena didn't know it until recently?”

“Lex told her.” Kara explained.

“That must've been tough.” Kelly muttered.

“Yeah.” Kara agreed. “Which is the main reason she is very reasonably angry at me.”

“And just making sure here, you said you were not dating?” Kelly asked.

“She apparently only now figured out her feelings for Lena.” Alex chipped in.

“What made you realise it?” Kelly continued, her voice calm and collected.

“A fifth dimensional imp suggested to help me out after he tried to force me to marry him, but apparently he didn't send me to the past, but to this sort of simulation of it where I tried to fix my mistakes and tell her sooner. None of it worked until the last attempt where I was a child helping my other self, but then my other self kissed Lena, and we talked, and I made sure everyone was safe, but then I found out it was all fake.” Kara was out of breath by the time she finished, but she was proud of herself for managing to cover it all.

“That's… Okay, unpacking it later...” Kelly mumbled mostly to herself. “So, just to make sure I understood it correctly and to simplify, you went through an emotional journey and found out more about yourself?”

“I suppose.” Kara nodded timidly. It was funny. She was finally back in her adult body, yet she never felt so much like a child, small and confused.

“Magical simulation. An interesting and unconventional psychological tool, but if it helped you, then more power to it. I can't really tell you what will happen with Lena, but I can assure you that you should be very proud of yourself and the progress you've made. I know it seems hard now, but things will get better.”

“Right…” Kara began to really hate this saying, although hearing those words again she understood the influence Kelly had on her sister. Kara was really glad Alex found someone like that in her life.

“I mean it. And I'm not saying things will magically get better because of some divine right or karma or anything like that. I may not have known you for long but I can safely say that you're not one to settle into despair, you will work to make your life better and by that make it better. You are the one in control and I know you will make the steps, small or large, to create yourself a better tomorrow.” Kelly's words sank into her, filling her up with some of the hope she felt she was missing as of late.

“So what do I do now?” Kara asked in a small voice.

“Whatever you want to do. This is up to you.” 

— — —

Kara went shopping. It's not like she particularly needed more clothes, nor she had too many problems with what she already owned, but she felt like she was starting a new chapter in her life and needed some physical representation of this fresh start. She also wanted to walk around and shop for clothes without the constant inner voice of hers needing to approve each piece of clothing as appropriate to her standards. They were apparently not that ordinary anyway.

Kara bought a handful of new clothes for her wardrobe, nothing outrageous, but still things she liked. She also got a few shirts with special prints including one with a small dinosaur print that looked respectful yet whimsy.

With each day that passed the burden seemed to have lifted a little. The ache for Lena was still there, yet became more manageable with time. Maybe she just became better at pushing those feelings away. She wanted to respect Lena's wishes of being alone – which was what she assumed she was asking for by shouting at her to leave, throwing a glass at her, and cutting all contact with her – but she also desperately wanted to see her again.

It felt like a wound, but one that was at least not as hurtful as the day before. Kara managed her routine, going day by day putting one foot in front of the other. It was harder on some days, especially if she had to fly by L-Corp or Lena's place, or when she passed by the frozen yogurt place on a walk one day. She ended up staring at it for too long that someone asked her if she was going to walk in. She got too embarrassed and ran away.

Kara settled on her couch with a large cup of hot chocolate and channel surfed to find a show to start her weekend to when a knock on her door caught her attention. Kara assumed it was Alex on the other side, who else would come visit her this late?

It wasn't Alex.

“Hi.” Kara stated dumbly, unsure if the woman in front of her was real or not.

“I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but I can use your help on something.” Lena kept her face professional and bare of emotions, only cracking slightly on her last word.

“Of course. Anything.” Kara opened up her door widely and gestured for her to come in.

Lena hesitated but walked inside, her hands close to her body as if she was afraid to touch anything in Kara’s apartment. Like it was poison or contaminated. She walked a few steps inside and came to a stop. “You said you had an… imp? Someone that can create realistic high probability simulations?”

“Yes, Mxy.” Kara nodded. She tried folding her arms but it felt too confrontational. She then tried to put them in her trousers pockets only to discover she had none in this pair and decided to just lean back on her kitchen island.

“Can you contact this Mxy? I need a simulation to test something.” Lena continued and any hope Kara had this was a friendly visit decimated. Lena used her business tone, direct and sharp.

“Yes of course.” She nodded. No matter her feelings, she owed it to help Lena at the very least. In fact, no matter Lena's feelings towards her, she wanted to help her regardless. Even if Lena were to hate her forever, Kara vowed to always help. “Mxy!” She called out, hoping that speaking his name would actually summon the imp.

Nothing happened. The women looked around the room with anticipation, but the silence only grew louder.

“Mxy!” Kara tried again, but nothing. “Mxyzptlk!”

Lena sighed loudly. “It was a waste of time.”

Just as she moved towards the door, a loud crack in the air around them exploded into a small confetti spray in which Mxy appeared from to the sound of tv applause that came from nowhere in particular.

“That was needlessly dramatic.” Kara commented.

He winked, dusting off some of the confetti off his shoulders. “You finally decided on a proper wish? Is it a pony?”

“No. Why would I want a pony?” Kara was already tired of his antics.

“They're cute.” He gestured to the air on his right when a small white pony appeared in a puff of smoke. “This is Comet, he likes warm days and sweet treats. Isn't he the cutest thing?”

“Mxy, I don't want a pony!” Rao, she forgot how frustrating he could be.

He quickly put his hands to cover Comet's ears. “Sheesh, you don't have to be so mean,” He lowered his face to reach the pony's level as he spoke. “I'm sure she didn't mean it, buddy.” He said before rising up. “Alright, no pony.” He snapped his fingers and Comet disappeared as quickly as he arrived. “What can I do for you then?”

“I am relinquishing my wish to Lena. Help her, and we are even.” Kara said, forcing herself to meet the imp's gaze.

“Alrighty, so what can I do for you?” He turned to Lena. “You have seen the pony, right?”

“I’ve made a machine.” Lena said, ignoring his comment about the horse. “I understand you can create a realistic simulation. I had a few tests, but they are… let's just say inconclusive. I want to be able to test it without any potential harm. And an access to my lab to be able to make alterations and fixes between tests.”

“Easy peasy.” He snapped his fingers and Lena was teleported to Kara's couch, her body slumped and unresponsive like she was knocked out. 

“What did you do to her?” Kara demanded, moving quickly to stand beside Lena.

“What she asked!” He said defensively. “What did you think you looked like while inside each attempt?”

She honestly thought her body was simply teleported in time, but thinking back it made sense her body was slumped while her conscience was elsewhere. Still, seeing Lena like that didn't sit right with Kara. She made herself another hot chocolate and filled up a second glass with water and placed it in front of Lena for when she woke up.

Lena woke up moments later, looking more frustrated than before.

“That wasn't it.” She said,  moving like she wasn't unconscious on the couch just seconds before. “Let's try again.”

Kara sat on the second couch and watched as Lena surfaced time after time, angrier and frustrated than the time before, and dived back into her simulation to try again. Kara wasn't sure what kind of device could drive Lena to such desperation, but she assumed it must've been important. Really important.

“Again.” Lena demanded once more. Kara lost count at the attempt number at this point.

“It doesn't work!” Mxy said. “I can make it appear as if it does, would that make you happy?”

“No.” Lena snapped at the imp.

“You're no fun.”

“Let me try again.” Lena demanded, rising up from the sofa and walking too close to the imp's personal space.

“But what's the point?” He asked, not looking too bothered by the CEO.

“Let. Me. Try. Again.” Despite being the only one in the room without powers, Lena felt the most dangerous one out of all of them.

“Alright, alright.” He raised his hands in defeat. “But I will be making a small alteration.”

“What alterations?” Lena asked, eyeing the imp suspiciously.

“Nothing to interfere with your experiment, don't worry. I'm sure it will be quite clear.”

“What–?” Lena started asking but was cut off by a snap in Mxy's fingers, making her once again go unconscious on the sofa.

“Mxy, what did you do to her?!” Kara demanded to know.

“Just a small change. Nothing you should worry about.” He gave her a small wink.

Like hell she would not worry about it! “Put me in there!” She said.

“Where?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“In this simulation. Let me help her!” She trusted Mxy enough not to hurt Lena, but she couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. Something went wrong and Lena was helpless to stop it.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yes. I think that –” But with a snap of his fingers Kara was gone, her sentence cut short as she found herself in a pretty accurate replica of Lena's lab only with a few changes.

The biggest of which was Lena herself. Her small frame was even smaller as her lab coat got dragged on the floor behind her wherever she went. Like Kara had suspected, Lena was turned into her child self. She was adorable, looking around five or six in her professional clothes with only the lab coat being adult size for no apparent reason.

“Fucking shit!” Lena cursed, her words sounding funny in this small child tone, as a device she was attempting to reach on the high table in front of her was only pushed further back instead of falling down to her open hand. 

“Who are you?” Lena asked and instinctively stepped back the moment she noticed Kara. “Wait, Kara…?”

“Yes.” Kara answered in her high pitched child voice. She was also annoyingly back in this small body.