And here's where I think I'm on firmer ground...

You are inconsistent. You do not need to have a grand unified theory about what to do about Michael Jackson. You are a hypocrite, over and over. You love Annie Hall but you can barely stand to look at a painting by Picasso. You are not responsible for solving this unreconciled contradiction. In fact, you will solve nothing by means of your consumption; the idea that you can is a dead end. The way you consume art doesn't make you a bad person, or a good one. You'll have to find some other way to accomplish that.

Real question:

canon: they died

Canon: and so they never met

Canon: There was tension and pining, but they never even kissed.

Canon: Torture the cinnamon roll.

Canon: When they traveled they stayed in separate rooms

Canon: … and they were roommates.

Canon: They were international assassins who assassinated assassins.

Canon: They had a coffeeshop

Canon: they were mortal enemies and attempted to murder each other on multiple occasions

Canon: They were straight

Canon: They were enemies

Canon: oh he dead.

AO3: You have already left kudos here.