we swing between love and sadness

A steady line of soldiers marching off to our own battle. That was the only thing I could compare it to, but we were never meant to fight. It was the very fate our parents had worked so hard to protect us from. The sound of tiny feet marching across the stage might as well have been a thousand horses thundering across the battlefield for how loudly it seemed to echo across the otherwise silent seaside. A silence that was occasionally punctured by the soft sob of one of the little ones, quickly subdued by another for fear of what the consequences would be. I stood between Xaden and Garrick as we faced our parents. It was intentional, I realized. When they rearranged us into a neat line, they placed us in the same order they had placed our parents on the macabre stage they built. We were meant to silently stare into the eyes of the people who risked everything to protect us and to build a better future for us. Our parents were meant to know that they had failed, not just as revolutionaries, but as parents. As their children, we were very clearly meant to understand the message. If we didn’t fall in line as obedient Navarrian soldiers, we were next. 

Last night was awful, though my brother and several others were older than I was, I was still one of the oldest of the 106 children. We had to split up, working our way around our makeshift prison cell, quietly comforting the younger ones with empty promises. It was all a guise to hide the fact that we were actually making sure each of them understood that they were to carry the runes created by Colonel Mairi and no matter what happened, they had to hold them without anyone seeing. We didn’t really understand what they were supposed to do, but no one was better with runes than Sloan’s mother. This was the only plan of our parents that we were allowed to know about, the fail safe they had created as the last line of defense. Now we could only hope it worked. 

I held mine clutched in my left hand, letting the feeling of the rough surface of the stone ground me and remember that I had to keep it together. Xaden’s arm brushed against my own as he stood to my left, the front of the line. I glanced over at him. Anyone could see the tilt of his chin and the blank stare on his face as the stoic soldier my father would expect and the steady leader we needed, but I knew him well enough to see the cracks. His jaw twitched with the effort to remain closed, the gold flecks in his eyes shone brighter with the barely noticeable moisture he fought against, and he leaned slightly closer to me. The weight of the unknown rested on his shoulders as the oldest. We didn’t know what would happen to us after this, but we were told by General Sorrengail that we were to stand here and witness our parents' execution. They were every bit the monster our father told us they were. 106 children and one woman who was carrying the final child born from the rebellion. We were spared only to be forced to attend the execution of our parents. The woman, whose name I hated that I couldn’t recall, was only granted a temporary reprieve. I guess murdering pregnant women is too far even for the monsters who were determined to protect their own people at the detriment to the entire rest of the continent. 

General Melgren and General Sorrengail stood at the front of the stage as they addressed the crowd gathered in front of them. Gods, these people were absolutely vile. I felt Xaden brush against me again, a silent reminder to stay calm. I tried to take a breath, but it caught in my throat as some of the soldiers shoved my father and General Tavis forward. The leaders and their seconds standing on the stage, one declaring victory over the other. Cheers broke out and my anger surged. Garrick was pulling me back before any of our guards noticed the movement. I looked up at him and saw that he was trying to copy the same resolve that Xaden had mastered, but his sorrow showed more clearly. He stared down at me intensely and he gave a subtle shake of his head. I clenched my jaw as I turned back to face the front. My hands were trembling with the fight to not scream or break something. How could these people be here attending an execution as if it were a play? How could they not see they were being lied to? Garrick intertwined our fingers and gripped my hand in his, squeezing tightly. It wasn’t just my father standing there, but his too.

Melgren seemed to feed on the theatrics as he gave a dramatic retelling of the apostasy or the secession as he called it. His fictitious tale was carefully crafted to paint our parents as the monsters, the enemies that lurked in the shadows seeking to destroy Navarre. Not once did he mention venin, the real creatures we should all fear. 

“Today, we shall finally achieve peace, in the years to come we shall celebrate Reunification Day; however, today we have the duty of ensuring that this evil will never again seek to destroy the home we have built.” As Melgren spoke, his dragon moved behind him for the first time. This monstrous beast moved as if he were joyfully anticipating what was to come. He crept closer and I felt the terror overtaking the anger. This wasn’t fair, we didn’t do anything wrong. My father just wanted everyone to have a chance at a home that was safe under the wards and protected from the venin. He wasn’t a monster, he didn’t deserve to die like this. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. A silent steady stream began to fall as I caught the eye of my father. My throat closed up around the apology, but he gave a small smile, glancing between both of us. Then, just before it happened, his face went blank. I felt the heat instantly, screams echoing around us from the spectators in front of us to the children next to us. Chaos was erupting all around us and I vaguely registered the burning on my left arm, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t blink. My eyes hadn’t left my fathers face. The man I’d known my entire life. He wasn’t perfect, but when he was suddenly left with two kids who were lost and abandoned by their mother, he did his best. Even when the apostasy happened, he tried to balance his duties as a general and a father, something I never gave him credit for. He never lied to us, this war was dangerous and he knew he may not survive it, but he always reminded us of how brave we are and that together, we would be okay. I don’t know how he could think that, because even though I could feel my brother next to me, it felt like the entire world was collapsing. Powerful flames consumed the entire stage, mercilessly destroying everything they touched without any resistance. The smell of seared flesh would’ve turned my stomach even if I didn’t know it was the same man who always smelled like leather and mint to hide the smell of the churam we knew he smoked. I kept staring at the space he had occupied, even when there was nothing left. 

“You three, this way.” The commanding voice of the guard seemed muffled and far away. When none of us moved, they stepped towards us and forcefully pulled us apart. I only had a split second to shove the rune into my pocket before chains locked around my wrists. Garrick, Xaden, and I exchanged confused looks, but we didn’t dare say anything as we were dragged towards the castle.

They led us through the back entrances until we were far below the main levels of the castle. We finally stopped in what looked to be the Wardens office at the end of a hall of cells. The office was void of any personal touch and the basic furniture had all been cleared from the center of the room where General Sorrengail stood waiting for us. Garrick and I were brought to the back wall where the guards held us including two additional guards on either side of us, while Xaden was shoved to his knees in the center of the room right in front of the General. 

“Hey!” I yelled at the guard, the thread of control I held over my anger snapping. The guard to my left acted immediately, striking me hard. 

“Stop!” Xaden said, at first I thought he was speaking to me, but when I lifted my head, I saw he was staring at her. “Why are they here? This wasn’t part of our agreement.” 

One look at Garrick told me he didn’t know anything about this either. 

“You aren’t the one in control here. They are here to ensure that you uphold your end of the deal and that as your fathers were the leaders in your rebellion, that I make myself perfectly clear when I say that at any point, if any of you step out of line in the Quadrant, you will no longer be spared.” Xaden wasn’t looking at us, only at her as she relayed the terms of whatever secret deal they had. “For the last time, are you certain this is what you want, you are willing to bear this responsibility?" 

He didn’t hesitate before responding, “yes.”

“Very well.” She turned towards the desk and pulled out a long dagger. Panic filled me once again, as I thought I was going to lose my brother the same day I watched my father burn. Garrick and I both tried to get free, but clearly everyone in the room knew what was happening, but the two of us, that’s why they placed extra guards on either side of us. The chains and the guards had us completely incapacitated, but the guards still doled out a few retaliatory blows as payback for the minimal damage we were able to inflict before the General commanded them to stop. 

“You are not to harm them. You are to keep them restrained and nothing more. If you are incapable of peacefully restraining two teenagers then I will replace you with guards who can.” The scathing remark had them tighten their grip, but Garrick and I were left with only minimal cuts and bruises. 

The General paused before she brought the dagger to the back of Xaden’s shirt. What the hell was going on? If she wasn’t going to kill him what was she going to do and why did Xaden know about it? What deal had they agreed to? 

I gasped as she carefully carved a small cut into his right shoulder. He didn’t flinch as if he was expecting it. She did it again and again, while he gave no reaction. I looked at Garrick in horror. His jaw twitched as he too was losing control over his anger. Methodically she moved across his back, making small cuts the entire way. They were deep, ensuring they would scar. Xaden didn’t react until she moved closer to his spine, she had left 27 marks so far. His small flinches and subtle intakes of breath became more and more pronounced as she mercilessly continued to mar his back with her hatred. At 52 he groaned, though I could tell he was holding back. 

“Please! Stop it.” I implored her, causing her to pause and look at me. I could feel the blood running down my face from the cut on my cheek, but if it was mercy I was hoping for, she wouldn’t give it. Xaden kept his gaze on the floor and I watched as a few drops hit the ground in front of him. I didn’t know if it was sweat or tears, but I wanted so desperately to stop this, to do something. 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76.

“Why are you doing this?” Garrick spoke for the first time, his question directed at both Xaden and General Sorrengail, but neither of them answered. 

His question triggered a memory and I suddenly gasped, understanding at least part of the deal Xaden made with her. It was an ancient Tyrrish custom, a blood oath. He was bearing the punishment of each and every child of the rebellion in exchange for our lives. 

“You monster!” I screamed at her, hurtling the accusation with the ferocity I wished I could shove the dagger through her heart. She was taking our own customs and using them as an excuse to punish Xaden. “Why do you hate us so much?” She froze, as if the words had some impact on her, but the mask was quickly sealed into place as she continued her mission. 

By the time she reached 107, I was crying and pulling as far forward as the guard allowed me to, as if I could just get close enough I could help take some of the pain. Xaden wasn’t moving aside from the tremors rippling across the muscles in his back. The pain had to be overwhelming, but he was silent.

“Let them go.” The General said and the guard holding me immediately let go, causing me to fall forward. As quickly as I could I crawled on my hands and knees until I reached Xaden. My hands were shaking as I gently cupped his face. 

“Why would you do that?” I whispered, though it held no accusation, only admiration and fear. He was my big brother, so he would always be my hero, but today he saved the lives of 107 innocent children. He didn’t respond and I didn’t need him to. Garrick had a bowl of water and a rag from somewhere. He looked at Xaden with a grimace before beginning to clean his back as best as he could. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him, even though I knew there was no taking away the pain. He leaned into the touch. I remember only a few weeks ago when we stood in my fathers study, arguing that we were old enough to fight, but today didn’t feel like it. Today felt like we were just kids and we were completely outmatched. Silently we sat together on the floor in the depths of the castle, clinging to each other and trying to hold ourselves together. 

“They’re here for the girl.” One of the guards informed the General. I looked up at her, shaking my head and pleading. “The others will be here shortly for them.”

“It’s time to go.” She said, her face resolute and void of any emotion. 

I turned to Xaden. “I don’t want to go, please.” His face looked tortured. 

“You have to be brave. Okay? We’ll see each other soon, I promise.” His voice broke at the end, betraying what we both knew to be true. Five years wasn’t soon. “I love you.” He pulled the three of us into a hug. A hug I so desperately needed, we all desperately needed. It let our enemy see us in a moment of weakness, but without it, we wouldn’t survive. “Don’t let them break you.” He whispered quietly so no one could hear, but the three of us. “It isn’t over.” 

I felt the guards pulling me away and I snapped. Screaming and fighting with everything I had left. I screamed for my brother and I screamed for Garrick. I kicked and scratched and thrashed, but the guards hauled me away as if it didn’t matter. I screamed for my father even though I knew he was dead and he was never coming back. I was alone. Xaden couldn’t help me. Garrick couldn’t help me. General Melgren and King Tauri won. They dragged me down the halls and tossed me into the back of a cart. I continued to fight, but now the General wasn’t around to give them orders, so as the driver pulled away, the guards in the back beat me until my world faded to black. 

I woke up gasping for air and dripping with sweat. As I sat up, I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. My entire body hurt from the bruises the guards left behind. Panic surged as I thought about how bleak the next five years would be all alone. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re home. We’re okay.” Garrick's voice cut through the confusion and I became aware of his arms around me, pulling me back against his chest. “It’s just a dream.” He said. 

“No, it wasn’t. It was Calldyr.” I didn’t need to say anything more than that, he knew. 

“I’m right here,” he said, planting soft, soothing kisses against my neck. “I missed you so much. Not being able to talk to you or be there with you was-” He stopped short. 

“Torture?” I supplied, knowing that’s what he was going to say, shifting my head slightly so I could look up at him. 

“When Xaden told me Violet was missing, I told him we had to stop. We couldn’t just leave and attack the school, we had to think and make a plan. Then, when he said you were missing too, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t fucking breathe and there was no thinking about anything other than you. Nothing else mattered.” 

“I thought I was going to die there.” His fingers froze in place. “I had to make it up to Xaden and Violet for how awful I’ve been to them, so I wanted to protect her. I knew if I taunted Varrish, I would buy time for you and Xaden to find us.”

“You made a mistake. A mistake that was pretty understandable. No one wants you to torment yourself for it.”

“I’m so scared they’re going to take everything from us again.” Something about the quiet and comfort of my old bedroom opened up a vulnerability I hadn’t allowed in years. 

“They won’t.” He was always so confident and sure. 

“You don’t know that.” My voice rose slightly. 

“I do. We have more dragons, more soldiers, and we can fight. We can beat them.” I groaned and stood up, turning back to face him.

“You sound just like him.” His face softened as he stood up and came around to cradle my face, immediately knowing I was talking about my father. 

“It’s not going to be the same. We can win this time.” I stepped back and shook my head. 

“No, Garrick, you don’t understand!” I shoved against his chest and he let me. “It doesn’t matter, not when they can take it away in a second. All the power we hold, the signets we have, every single advantage that you say is what my father was missing, they have the power to take it away.” I was yelling at him, angry that he didn’t get it. He didn’t try to stop me as I turned away from him, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I couldn’t do anything! They were torturing her and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. She was screaming and being tortured just because she was protecting our secrets.” The memories and feelings came rushing back. Suddenly the familiar walls of my childhood bedroom disappeared and I was bound to a chair far below the ground. “I was completely useless and powerless. Now we’re home. It’s you and me, Xaden, Bodhi, Imogen, and now all these new people that I care about. All of the things I never let myself think we could have again and there’s nothing I can do to protect us. We’re going to lose it again.They’re going to burn us all.” His arms came around my stomach, pulling me back against him as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I don’t want to lose you.” My voice came out in a whisper as I let my head rest against his bicep, clinging to him. 

“You’re safe here and I’m not going anywhere. No matter what happens I’ll never let you go. We’re in this together, wherever it takes us.” I turned around in his arms, reaching up to kiss him, savoring the moment.

“What are the chances they let us skip this meeting?” I proposed. He smiled against my lips. 

“While I was afforded the privilege of joining you in your bedroom, I think skipping the meeting to have sex would be pushing the limits of my very scary best friend.” 

“You could totally kick his ass.” I teased, eliciting a smirk from Garrick. 

“Let’s save that particular battle for a different day.” 

I sighed and stepped back, but kept his hand in mine as we made our way down the hall to Xaden’s room. 

I didn’t bother knocking, knowing they were all waiting on us. Violet was sitting in the chair while Xaden and Bodhi were both leaning against the desk. 

“We need to talk before we go down to meet with the Assembly.” Xaden said. “Violet said she had something to share.” 

“Brennan said they’re getting reports that we’ve completely caught them off guard, but Melgren is demanding a meeting with Xaden, myself, our leadership, and you.” Violet’s eyes catch mine. 

“Why does Melgren want to meet with my sister?” Xaden was immediately defensive, his eyes shifting between Violet and I. He and Violet were the most fearsome duo of our generation, clearly our leaders, but Xaden couldn’t see a reason why Melgren would want to meet with me. 

“He knows.” All eyes snapped to me. Garrick grip on my hand tightened. 

“What the fuck? How does he know?” Xaden’s voice held no anger, as he stood up from the desk and closed the space between us. He wasn’t angry, he was terrified because he knew the same as I did, Melgren wasn’t going to give up until I was back under his control. He would have the same idea of trying mind manipulation on the venin that anyone here had let me try. 

“I had to. The night we were taken, I tried to make Nolan go back, but I already had too much of the serum. Then when Varrish was torturing us, I used it as leverage so he would leave Violet alone.”

“Did you tell him how it works?” I nodded. He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. 

“FUCK!” 

“I’ll go-” Bodhi didn’t even let me finish my sentence. 

“You’ve done enough self-sacrificing. We talk to the Assembly and then we make a decision as a group, but no part of that will involve you going to Melgren.” 

“Agreed.” Garrick’s grip let me know that even if I tried, there was no leaving him behind. 

“Xaden?” I stepped toward him, reaching out for his back, but he spun around and pulled me into a hug so tight I couldn’t breathe for a moment. His chin rested on top of my head as he held me as tight as he could. 

“I love you.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just hugged him back. I knew he felt overwhelmed and this vulnerability wasn’t something anyone outside of this room would ever see. We were the few he could trust and he would need our support to make it through this. We are preparing for a war and in all likelihood, not everyone in this room would survive it. It was one last hug as the children of Fen Riorson. Now, we had to make our own destiny in our war. Our father had trained us to be battle smart and tough, so moments like this were rare, but treasured and remind us what we are fighting for. 

The arguing began the moment we walked in the door. Garrick, Bodhi, Imogen, and I stayed silent while Xaden and Violet tried to reason with the Assembly with the support of Brennan. They didn’t trust Violet, the Scribes, Dain, or any of the cadets we had brought with us. It was a massive security risk and they weren’t prepared to be a school. It was all just a lot of complaining to me and I was forever thankful Xaden was born first. He made it all seem so easy. They are all so much older and more experienced than he is, but they follow him, not just because our father was King, but because he never faltered in his duty to lead or his confidence that he was the one for the job. As a result they eventually conceded, allowing the professors to use the extra rooms for classes. The very crowded guest wing was also now functioning as barracks for all the cadets. It wasn’t perfect, but I smiled walking through the now over crowded halls alongside my brother. 

“He’d be proud of you, of this.” I bumped against his shoulder and gave him a smile. 

“Says the badass who withstood days of torture and nearly dying.” I could hear the slight edge to his voice. 

“He would’ve chewed me out for how I’d treated you and Violet. He always hated my more hot headed tendencies.” I had spent more than a few times getting yelled at in my father’s study for being unable to keep control of my anger. 

“That’s because you two are the same person.” He pointed out. 

“Yeah right!” 

“No, I’m being serious, that’s why your marriage to Drake was supposed to be a contingency plan. He always knew you were in love with Garrick and he knew you’d never be happy with anyone else.” I stopped and so did he. 

“What? He never told me that.” 

“He didn’t want to get your hopes up, but he would’ve done anything to make sure you could be with Garrick. He never wanted you to have the life he had.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” I asked, though I already knew at least part of it. We never mentioned our mother that left in the dead of night when we were 8 and 10 or our parents political marriage. 

He laughed. “I was more than a little jealous that you were going to steal my best friend.” 

“I am not going to steal your best friend.” We still hadn’t really addressed our fight after he found Garrick and I sneaking around. 

“I was mad at first, but more so because you didn’t tell me. I know things have been different between us lately, but knowing you didn’t feel like you could share something so important with me really hurt. Then when you went to him first about your signet, I realized just how far apart we’d grown.” 

“Gods, she really has turned you into mush, hasn’t she?” I teased him, eliciting a very dramatic eye roll from him.

“I’m trying to apologize here!” He groaned. 

“Oh is that what this is. Maybe people are right, you really are kind of emotionally stagnant.” 

“We were raised in the same household, do you really think you somehow managed to learn emotional intelligence when I didn’t?” We both laughed, something it had been far too long since we had done together.

“I’m happy you have him. I’m sorry I couldn’t or wouldn’t be there for you like I should’ve been.” 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t exactly the easiest to deal with and I was pretty awful to Violet.” 

“Truce?” He stuck his hand out and I took it immediately.

“Truce.”

“Now get to class before you get in trouble for being late.” He shoved me along and I followed with the rest of the crowd until I caught up with my squad for our runes class. Runes were something I learned about as a child from my father, since it was part of our culture which made me leaps and bounds above the rest of my class. 

I’ve never excelled in class until now, so I spent most of the class day dreaming about the perfectly sculpted specimen that was somehow my boyfriend. He was unfortunately out with Xaden on scouting, so I wouldn’t see him for a couple days. I decided to seek out Violet who was with her sister Mira acting pretty suspicious. She was giving me very short answers, which was new, since our bonding session in the torture chamber, we had actually become pretty close.

“Why are you trying to get rid of me?” I inquired. 

“I’m not.” Even Mira grimaced at how obvious the lie was. 

“Right, well if you think Xaden is annoying as a bodyguard, you’ll find I’m worse. You can tell me or not, but I won’t be leaving your side.” She groaned, but didn’t try to get rid of me until we had made it to the field that was currently our makeshift flight field. 

“You have to promise not to tell Xaden, he’s going to be pissed.” She begged, once it was just the three of us.

“I thought you said this was a family mission, Violet.” Brennan was approaching with a couple small packs.

“It was, Riorson was just not minding her business.” Mira hadn’t warmed up as much as Violet, but honestly, I didn’t dislike her. It took guts for her to leave her post and her mom. 

“Let’s not forget you’re all here at our home, that we have so graciously opened to you.”

“An offer we are eternally grateful for; however, I belive this plan in particular is-”

“You sneaking behind my brother's back to get the luminary because he’s ridiculously overprotective of his lightning wielder girlfriend?” I interrupted Brennan. I glanced at each of them with an eyebrow raised. “Great, well either I’m coming with or I’m telling Xaden.” 

“Why should we let you come with us? Until a few weeks ago, you hated Violet.” Her sister’s tone of voice and glare made it clear how little she trusts me.

“Hate is a strong word, besides, turns out she’s pretty badass. Plus, Xaden is right about Tecarus. He will hold you to anything you say and do everything in his power to make sure you don’t leave. I know how he thinks, you could use my help.” 

Brennan sighed, “she’s right. We could use her help.”

I looked to Violet, since this was clearly her plan. “Let’s go.” She smiled, which I returned. 

The flight to Cordyn was short and we were met with a drift before we even landed. The lead flier came close enough that I could see his smirk before making a sharp descent. 

“Show off.” I muttered, rolling my eyes. 

“He is no more so than the mate you have chosen.” My dragon annoyingly pointed out.

“That’s different.”

“Why, because you love him?” 

“Why don’t you focus on a more gentle way to land.” I suggested after dismounting.

“They were expecting us.” Brennan notes while Mira helps Violet. 

“I’ll see what they have to say, make sure she knows what to say and what not to say.” I added the last part quieter, so the three fliers in front of us couldn’t overhear. 

“Hello there, gorgeous,” Drake greeted as I approached closer. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?” He gave a very overdramatic bow. 

“We’re here to negotiate for the luminary.” I replied, crossing my arms across my chest in a very undiplomatic gesture. 

“I do believe that Xaden made it quite clear that he was not willing to meet my uncle’s demands.” 

“Do you see Xaden anywhere?” He laughed, but stopped short when I didn’t join in.

“Oh this will be fun.” He teased, stepping to the side to reveal my very pissed off older brother. 

“You aren’t where I left you Violence,” he directed the comment at Violet who had come to stand by my side. 

“She isn’t some obedient dog, Xaden. We are more than capable of-”

“Capable of what? Stupidly leading people into danger? You nearly died a couple of weeks ago, are you really ready to risk your lives again?” He shot back at me.”You’re unbelievable!"

“United front, guys.” Brennan growls, reminding us all that this isn’t the place to publicly argue. 

He follows behind me with Mira while Xaden and Violet walk side by side to argue quietly, leaving me to walk with Drake, my ex-fiance. 

“Stop looking at me like that or I will ensure that you will never feel pleasure again.” I threatened him as I took in the smirk still plastered on his face.

“Kinky, not sure Garrick would approve though.” 

“Did you know about that as well?” I asked.

“That you were in love with him or that your dad always wanted you to marry him, not me?” Of course he knew.

“I didn’t want to make the choice for you. Plus, I tried tell you several times that you two were in love, but it usually ended with you hitting me and then using me for sex to forget that you were in love with someone you couldn’t have.” He groaned as my fist found the very parts he was accusing me of using. 

“You were using me just as much. It was always the agreement. We had to be together, there was no point in being miserable.” 

“It was a joke, princess. The point is, yes, I always knew you loved him and you didn’t ask, but I’m happy you’re with him now.” His smile was genuine and I couldn’t help but return it. 

“I’m assuming you don’t have anyone and that’s why you’re staring at my future sister-in-law’s ass.” I whispered, so that she wouldn’t hear. His only response was a wink. “She’s definitely your type.”

“Equal parts devastatingly attractive and terrifyingly lethal.” He looked me up and down as I laughed. I never loved him, not in the same way I loved Garrick, but I did miss him and maybe now we can be friends. 

“You’re good with shielding, right? So Cat doesn’t drive you insane?” I tried to keep my voice light and quiet as I kept one eye on Xaden who was walking far enough ahead and very immersed in his conversation with Violet. Drake nodded slowly. “Good, keep them up. I have an idea that I want to try. I need you and Cat to help me, but absolutely no one can know. If it works, I think we have a chance against the venin.”

“If it doesn’t?” He prompted. 

“Then I’ll burn out and die.” I was going to try this with or without his help. The venin were far more powerful than us, but I’ve been trying really hard to master my mind manipulation. My theory is if it works on humans, then maybe I can try it with venin. The only way to know was to try it, for that I would need Drake and Cat was the best person to help with mind work. 

“Of course, don’t all good plans have a possibility of not only failure, but death.” I sighed, realizing I would have to figure something else out. “I’ll do it.”

“Really?” I fought to keep my voice low and not draw Xaden’s attention.

“You’re going to do it no matter what anyone says, because you’re a Riorson which means you’re stupidly reckless and impossibly determined. I might as well help so I can at least attempt to keep you from throwing yourself off a cliff.” His tone was joking, but I could see the apprehension hidden underneath. 

“If it means there's even a small chance it will save everyone, I have to try.” 

He looked over at me and smiled, “it will be an honor to serve my princess.”

A/N: This has become a mini series, but can also be read as a standalone.

Part 1 Part 2

Also 5.5k and lots of angst. Hope you enjoy!

Violet had apparently been researching how to raise the wards in Aretia and now we were making plans to break into the Archives. It was completely insane and had far more chance of failing than success. Everyone else seemed to think this was completely fine.

I could tell Xaden was at least a little reluctant. He trusted Violet, but not Aaric, who was vital to Violet’s plan and apparently actually the prince in disguise. I agreed with him, at least on the latter. I still wasn't confident that Violet was going to keep our secret, especially after she told her entire squad, which was far too many people who knew. She could’ve gone to her mom last year after Resson, but she was also the reason we were even there in the first place. 

"There are so many things that can go wrong with this plan. She really doesn't have any clue where the journal is, what it looks like, or what protections are around it. We are risking everything for this plan just on her word" I have really tried to like her, but every time I looked at her I see not only the striking resemblance to the woman who spent hours carving into my brothers back, but also the reminder that it was her inability to control her mind that got Liam killed. No matter how many times Xaden said it wasn't her fault that doesn’t change the fact that  if he never told her about the supply drops, then Liam would still be here. I couldn’t understand how he could possibly trust her after everything. I wanted him to see the version of her I saw. I knew it was wrong and I honestly knew it wasn't going to work, but I pushed anyway. Using my second signet I tried to force the thought of distrust into his head. The impact was almost immediate, his shields slammed up so hard I physically stumbled. He was expecting it, damn his signet. 

"Knock it the fuck off." He growled, rounding on me and towering over me. Bodhi was the only other person that knew the double meaning behind that and he glanced between us anxiously. We’ve been at each other’s throats constantly and I knew it was frustrating for him. "This is Violet's plan and it's the best we have, so shut up and do what you're told." His condescending tone set my teeth on edge and made me feel like a scolded child. Fire sparked momentarily in my hands before Bodhi cut it off, stepping between us. 

"You're both right. It's not without its risks. We all decide if we want to do this. Anyone who doesn't want to go down there and risk dying can stay. Even if we do this and we get out, if someone catches us we're dead." Violet spoke up, unease filling her tone. I have to at least give her credit, she was far more humble than anyone else in this room. 

"I'm in," her best friend, Rhiannon said first.

"Oh you know I'm in!" Ridoc agreed as well. 

"We stick together." Sawyer added. One by one everyone affirmed their decision to go for these journals that were the key to our survival. 

"I'll follow you anywhere." Xaden declared before immediately turning his gaze to me expectantly. Last time he was here on leave, after RSC, he was soft and gentle. For the first time since reuniting I felt like his little sister again, just like I had imagined it would be like being together again after five years. He saw Violet on the parapet before I made it across and she had changed him. I later learned about the deal he made with her mother, Violet’s safety in exchange for our chance to redeem ourselves in the Rider’s Quadrant, but that didn’t stop me from hating her. He had to keep her safe or we were all dead, but sometimes it felt like him taking care of her had replaced how he used to take care of me when we were kids. I didn’t really need him to, but after being on my own for years feeling like an outsider and always being on guard, I craved the safety of my big brother. Growing up it was always the four of us. We had our own little club that we didn't let anyone into, except Liam when he was around. I was strong and important, but then Violet came in and changed everything. It was stupid and childish that I was jealous of her, especially considering I was now dating Xaden's best friend and he was definitely still pissed about that. He was getting tired of how I constantly challenged her and it had put more than a little distance between us, something I hated more than anything. Not to mention the additional danger she was posing for both of them this year by constantly pushing against Varrish. The most infuriating part was that I still had to help protect her, because no matter how much I hated her, if she dies, he dies. 

"Fine." It was the best I could offer. I could see in Xaden's face it wasn't enough, but he didn't say anything. 

Violet and Jesinia made a plan of what roles we each played and that was when my little resolve I had to keep a lid on my emotions broke. 

"I'm on guard duty with babysitters? I can help and you know it." The demand was directed more at Xaden. The look he leveled at me told me how much he just wished I would go along with the plan as if he was the most agreeable person on the continent.

"I'm not letting you screw everything up by setting fire to the Archives." He was slightly taller than Bodhi, so he was able to glare at me over his shoulder. 

"And you said my brother was the asshole." Aaric chimed in. 

"Perhaps they aren't all that different." I didn't mean it, not really, but I said it before I could stop myself. 

"Either shut fuck up or go back to your room. You're acting like a child and I don't have time for it. Violet is the one who is actually helping us accomplish the mission so she makes the plan." He towered over me, shadows swirling around my legs and his voice seething with anger that matched my own. The assertion that the daughter of our enemy was doing more to help my home than I was sent me over the edge. 

"I fucking hate you." I had never said those words to Xaden other than during stupid sibling spats. We didn't fight like this, but the pressure over following in our dad's footsteps and the tension between us was too much. We didn’t really get the opportunity to talk about everything that happened and now all of his leave time was spent with Violet. 

Bodhi pushed me back, trying to put distance between us. "We have to go now. You two need to cool it." It was silent for a minute until Violet continued with the final assignments as her friend Jesinia handed out Scribe robes to all of us. My rage continued to simmer as I silently dressed in the robes I was given. 

I didn't speak again until after Bodhi, Ridoc, and I had taken our position as guards. 

"So, the whole brooding anger and insanely hot physique is a family trait?" Ridoc inquired, breaking the silence with his usual brand of humor. 

"Did you always plan to be Violet's court jester or did you have higher aspirations?" I shot back. 

"I'm going to take that as a yes." He replied with a chuckle. 

"You two should really talk." Bodhi interrupted before I could reply to Ridoc. He was looking at me imploringly and I know the constant tension between Xaden and I had drained him.

"He's too busy with Violet and he probably doesn't want to talk anyways." I also didn’t want to talk because I was tired of the fighting too. I was scared and stressed and exhausted, but it felt like all of my emotions funneled into anger. 

"No, he does but you're both so damn stubborn that you're just going to keep tearing each other down. I'm tired of it. We are at fucking war and we could all die at any minute. We almost did. Liam did. So the both of you need to stop being idiots and start acting like you're a family." He couldn't yell, since that would defeat the whole point of a secret mission, but I heard him loud and clear. “You should give Violet a chance. She is going to be around no matter what, so you might as well find some way to give her the opportunity to show you she isn’t her mom. Resson wasn’t her fault either.” 

"Okay, I'll talk to him tomorrow before he leaves." I could see it wasn't enough for Bodhi. "You're right, okay. I'll talk to him, I promise." 

"Who doesn't love a happy ending?" Ridoc chimed in, successfully made both Bodhi and I laugh. 

"I could use a happy ending right about now." I sighed. 

"Gross." Bodhi fake gagged.

"After we get out of here, you are more than welcome to join me in my room." Ridoc smirked over at me. 

"Sorry, you're not my type." 

"Because I'm not a brick wall of tattooed muscle or is your type limited to one specific man who isn't here."

"Both." I replied, returning his smile. I did really miss Garrick. The letters weren't the same and I couldn't even tell him half the things I wanted to. Most of his letters to me came with more black lines than words. The separation from him only made the feeling of isolation even worse, especially while I was fighting with Xaden.

"Well you're both gross and we're almost out of time, so get ready." Bodhi's remark got us all to stand at attention. Our silence was tense as we all stood, waiting for them to come out. The bells began to toll and there was still no sign. “I’m sure they’re fine.” His voice lacked any of the reassurance he was trying to convey. 

“Fuck, they’re not going to make it.” Ridoc said, just before they all came barreling out. 

“Everyone to your places, now.” Xaden commanded, cutting off any questions we wanted to ask. Our talk was going to have to wait a bit longer.

After the small detour to be seen in the commons with Ridoc and Bodhi, I quickly backtracked to catch up to Violet and Xaden. The entire way back I was trying to come up with a sufficient apology, but none sounded right. I knew the best real way to show him I was sorry was to make more of an effort with Violet. I don't really trust her and I don't even really like her, but I also hadn't tried to do anything other than find reasons to hate her. 

My heart sank when I saw her alone. "He left?" There was no hiding the disappointment in my voice. 

"Yeah, he has to get the journal back for Brennan to translate." She said cautiously. I could tell she didn’t really want to be alone with me, she even seemed a little scared. I really have a lot of making up to do. 

"Oh, right. We should go then." I turned to walk back to the dorms with her when a voice interrupted us. 

"Violet?" It was Nolan, her mender friend, but I only slightly relaxed, still keeping my hand near my dagger. She may know him well enough to trust him, but I didn't. 

She greeted him warmly and I could only hope he didn't hear the nerves dancing at the edge of her tone. 

"Cadet Riorson," I gave a polite nod. "I know you've been under a lot of stress lately so I brought this for you." Normally, my total distrust of anyone in leadership here would keep me from drinking with Violet, but given what was sitting in her bag I decided it was best not to push it. We had to be as discreet as possible and get out of here quickly. I took the mug from Nolan and drank, feeling surprisingly comforted by the feel of the warm liquid. 

"I hardly ever see you apart from Lieutenant Riorson on Saturdays. Where is he?" Something about his tone caused me to glance at him suspiciously. Then when Jack Barlow and his friends appeared, I stepped closer to Violet. He may have just saved her life, but there was no way he didn't hate her. He was probably plotting her death and while I hadn’t warmed up to her yet, I wasn’t letting that happen. 

"Is everything alright? Nolan asked her, his eyes also following Jack as he crossed into the opposite wing. 

"It's fine." She replied, taking another sip of her drink and I followed. When I moved the cup down I saw her staring into the mug with her brows knitted in confusion. 

"Violet?" I questioned wearily, but I felt it too. Fuck. Nolan was staring at her bag. He knew. I didn’t have any time to think, I just reacted, forcing my breathing to slow and mentally reaching for the man in front of me. 

Revealing my second signet to anyone was likely a death sentence, but if we didn't get out of this we were dead anyways, so I had to try. I concentrated hard, focusing on the vision of him walking away and back to the Healers Quadrant. I stumbled slightly as my balance gave. He was talking to Violet, but his voice was hazy, so I couldn’t really hear him. I pushed harder and his words cut off, his attention turning to me. Fuck, this was it. He knows and now there's no going back. The connection into his mind swam in and out of focus. I reached, trying to pull more power from my dragon, but the thread snapped. I was cut off. I stumbled again, but this time my legs gave out and it was all I could do to throw my arm out to keep my head from hitting the stone. 

The pain in my head was overwhelming and the very first thing I became aware of when I woke up. Maybe it was whatever they drugged us with or from pushing myself too hard trying to stop Nolan. I tried reaching out to my dragon and felt the empty response, which means no fire and no mind manipulation. Several voices come into focus and my body immediately jolts to attention at the sound of the two most identifiable, Violet and Varrish. 

I opened my eyes and immediately noticed I was bound to a chair directly across from Violet who thankfully looked mostly unharmed. The room around us filled me with dread. Blood was caked on the walls and floor. We were unarmed and bound in a torture chamber. This wasn’t like RSC, this was a torture chamber built for real world interrogations. 

Mallory. The memory of RSC and the vicious murder of my squadmate slammed into the forefront of my mind. I forced myself to push it down before the panic became overwhelming. If I dwelled on it now Violet would meet the same fate and I was not letting that happen. 

"Glad to have you join us Cadet Riorson." Varrish sneers at me. 

"Fuck you." I spit at him, but this time he doesn't go for me. It's Violet he backhands at full force. I grit my teeth. I can't do anything, but watch. If he knows it's getting to me, he's going to keep pushing. This is one hell of a way for Violet and I to mend our relationship. 

"One of you will tell me how you got this journal and who it was that helped you. I have an entire week to get it out of you and I will do so by any means necessary." He moved behind her so that I had a completely unobstructed view as he broke her fingers one by one. She screamed in agony and I fought hard against the binds on my wrists and ankles. The chair had no give, meaning it was bolted to the ground. 

"Leave her alone!" I screamed.

"Tell me." He demanded, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. "Very well." He continued to snap her bones. The overwhelming feeling of helplessness brought tears of frustration to my eyes. I couldn't tell him. It would risk my brother, Bodhi, Imogen, Garrick, and everyone else in Aretia. After a while, the temptation to tell set in. I couldn't watch Violet get tortured like this. Xaden already hates me, he's never going to speak to me again after he finds out I let this happen to her. I had to find a way to get his attention.

"You don't want to ask how an intinsic survived right under your nose?" The response was immediate. Violet crumpled to the floor as he let her go. Her broken arm hit the ground first causing her to moan in pain and my stomach to turn as I saw the bone press against her skin. 

"Yes, Nolan did tell me that he suspected you were an intinsic after you tried to stop him a few nights ago." Fuck, had it really been that long. The hunger and thirst that dominated my senses told me that wasn't hard to believe. 

My breathing sped up as he prowled closer to me. "You could let me show you." 

"While I applaud your efforts to have your power returned to you, that is a rather weak attempt." He came to stand behind me. "I'm more interested in how it works. That much you can explain to me. I'm sure Cadet Sorrengail would appreciate the reprieve." 

"Don't." Violet's voice was raw and she couldn't move. This was the only piece of leverage I had. 

"I can manipulate people's minds. Force thoughts into their heads and make them do what I want." If we ever made it out of here alive, I was signing myself over to be a weapon. 

"Interesting. When did this signet manifest?" The glint in his eyes let me know that he was fully invested in all I had to say. It was over, no matter if we made it out of this room or not, he was going to do whatever he had to do to mold me into a weapon for Navarre. Violet had to get out of here alive, then I would be alone and I would die before he broke me. 

"A few weeks after the fire manifested." I was giving as little information as possible. I knew I was fucked either way, but at least this way I can prolong it and keep him away from Violet.

"You've kept it hidden this whole time?" I nodded. "Who else knows?"

"No one." I couldn’t help but glance at Nora, the truth sayer, standing in the corner. 

"Lie." She responded immediately and Varrish struck me. 

"I suppose I should have expected you to lie about this. You isolate yourself because you're so afraid of the ones you love getting hurt. You're petrified of being alone. Shocking for the daughter of the famous Great Betrayer to be so weak." It was my turn to take blow after blow. Violet’s protests went completely ignored. "You've hid this long enough we cannot kill you simply for being an intinsic, but I can break you and you will become quite the weapon for General Melgren." It felt like hours. My entire body was in agonizing pain. The worst was when he pinned my leg to the ground at an awkward angle and stepped on it over and over again until it snapped, even then, he twisted and pushed on it. He didn't even pause as Nolan came in to mend Violet. She was still weak with dehydration and huger, but her body being mended gave her the strength to talk back. Varrish didn't relent. He knew she wasn't going to tell him about what we had done. I knew that as long as his attention was focused on me, she was safe. Xaden would come for her, I just had to buy time. "You girls have a few more days before Lieutenant Riorson violates his leave to come to search for you. Then, perhaps he will tell me what I wish to know." He let the threat hang in the air as he left. Fuck. He was smart and I fucking hated him for it. Xaden would fall for this trap without hesitation. He said it himself, he would follow her anywhere. 

"Violet, I'm sorry." I said after a while. "I'm so sorry. I-" Breathing hurt. Forcing air through my broken ribs was agonizing, but I had to tell her. 

"It's okay." She replied softly. 

"No, it's not. You're the best thing that ever happened to Xaden. I've been jealous and I judged you for what your mom did. Which isn't fair when you've never once judged me for what my father did." I tried to shift in the chair, but caught sight of the bone protruding from my leg. My stomach rolled as I forced myself to look away. "Please forgive me." There was more I wanted to say, but I felt so weak and my brain was so hazy. 

"Of course. If we survive this, maybe we can be friends. Have a sleepover." The laughter quickly fell into coughs for the both of us. 

"No boys allowed." I smiled at her, genuinely. Everything I thought about her was wrong and I feel horrible that it took torture for me to see it, but I could only hope that she would keep Xaden happy. I now know I can trust her with my home and my people. 

We didn't speak again. Varrish and Nolan were a revolving door. They mended and beat Violet over and over again. Nolan never mended me. Occasionally Varrish would turn his attention on me, that was the closest Violet came to breaking. The pain was never ending, but we both held strong. We could survive this. Xaden wouldn’t be alone, he would have Garrick and Bodhi at least. If it came down to it, I would make sure they got Violet out. I owed her and Xaden that much at least. 

My right eye was the only one that would open anymore and even that was a struggle. I forced it open at the sound of a familiar voice, but not the one I wanted to hear.

Violet immediately started to struggle. We both knew what was coming and without shields he would get everything.

He had the decency to look shocked at her appearance, his eyes only momentarily drifting over to me. Varrish continued to impress upon him the importance of getting Violet's memories. We were traitors and the entirety of Navarre was in danger from us. Ironic coming from him, but I kept my mouth shut.

“They’ve requested all leadership to assemble immediately.” Nora interrupted, urgency clear in her voice. Xaden and Garrick, it had to be them. We just had to hold out a little longer. 

“Help me, please.” She begged Dain and I knew it killed her to do it. His face was taut with tension and I knew that it was useless. All I could do was watch as he placed his fingers on her temples, both their eyes closed in concentration. 

After a few moments he pulled back with a gasp. “You’ve been smuggling our weapons to aid another kingdom.” 

Fuck. It was over. He had seen everything.

“Violet, it’s not your fault.” I said, trying to offer some reassurance. 

“They need all of us now.” The woman interrupted again, but Varrish wasn’t listening. He stepped on my leg and I screamed as the pain ricocheted through my joints.  

“Please, Dain!” Violet begged but he kept his face devoid of emotion.

“Let me see the dagger so I can compare it to the one in her memories.” He asked Varrish, who complied after warning him not to kill Violet. 

My world swam in front of me, but I tried hard to stay focused on what was happening in front of me. Dain placed the dagger against Violet’s throat. Muttering to her about trust. He was really going to kill her. 

“No! You fucking asshole!” I screamed and fought against the chair with every ounce of energy I had. The pain was blinding but if I didn’t do something, anything, Violet would bleed out in front of me, just like Liam and just like Mallory. I couldn’t let that happen. The woman was calling more urgently for Varrish and I reached for my power I already knew wasn’t there. They had ensured we continued to drink the mixture that severed the connection. “Violet!” I was hysterical, but my efforts were useless.

I heard the squelch of knife of flesh and I panicked. “No! Violet!” The shock clouded the vision in front of me. Varrish was the one bleeding, not Violet and Dain was cutting her free. She wasn’t dead. She’s fine. Dain was cutting her free. “What?” I asked, voicing my complete confusion as to what just happened. 

“I don’t know if we can fight our way out of here, but if you don’t move we’re dead.” He moved toward me and I flinched out of instinct, but all he did was cut away the binds. I could see the emotions written so plainly on his face, he never knew about any of it. His father had lied to him just as much as he lied to everyone else. 

“I can’t.” I looked down at my leg. “Take her.” I implored him. Varrish wasn’t dead, but he was slumped against the wall. They had time to get out. “Neither of us can walk and you have seconds to get out, so take her.” He nodded, handing me the dagger and moving forward to help Violet. He lifted her up and pulled her arm around his neck to help her walk. 

“No, we aren’t leaving her.” She tried to protest, but she was cut off by the woman, Nora, blocking the doorway. 

“Move and I’ll let you live.” Dain promised, offering the bitch a mercy she definitely didn’t deserve. 

Violet was leaning against his back but her gaze was locked on mine. I gave her a weak smile. I had a dagger and I was no longer bound to a chair. That was something. 

“I make no such promises.” She was dead before I could fully register that he was really here. Xaden was here. Violet was safe, he would make sure of that. 

My eyes felt so heavy. I don’t know that I had slept at all since we were captured, just when I passed out from the pain. I tried everything to keep watch over Violet and I did, I kept her alive. Now, she was safe and I could rest. 

“Hey, hey. Open your eyes, babe. Please.” Gods I never thought I’d hear his voice again. His hands were on my face and I immediately felt the tears well up. 

“Garrick.” I melted against the feel of his hands on my cheeks. Safe. I was safe. Even if I died now, at least I wasn’t scared and alone. 

“Hey beautiful. If you miss me that much, just ask next time. I can be wherever you are in seconds.” I laughed and opened my eyes to see him staring at me with unyielding intensity. There was no trace of laughter in his face as he watched me, his eyes taking stock of the injuries he could see. His jaw clenched and his fingers tightened as if I was going to disappear. 

“That bad?” I knew the answer. As far as I knew, we had been here for five days and I couldn’t even guess how many cuts, bruises, and broken bones I was suffering from. My leg was by far the worst of it though. The heat radiating from the open wound was definitely indicative of an infection. 

“Here.” It was Dain. He stood next to Garrick with bandages and a splint. “It’s not enough, but you can stabilize her leg.” 

“I’ll do it. Garrick, I need to know the path is clear when we move. Aetos don’t make me kill you. Help Violet.” Xaden knelt down in front of me while the other two did as he asked, Garrick more reluctantly than Dain. He gripped the sides of my face and kissed the top of my head hard before leaving. 

“I’m sorry. I-“ I wanted to apologize for everything but my throat felt like sandpaper. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect her.” I couldn’t get out enough words to say everything I wanted, but I hoped he could see my sincerity. “I was awful to both of you. Xaden, but you didn’t deserve it and neither did she. I tried to keep her safe, I promise.”

“Were you going to sacrifice yourself to get her out?” His voice was tight with emotions I hadn’t heard from him in 6 years. I nodded. “Don’t ever do anything so stupid again.” 

“You love her.” 

“I love you too. You’re my sister. I can’t lose you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, something so out of character for him that I didn’t notice his subtle movements as he used his shadows to reset the break in my leg. I screamed so loud, I barely heard his whispered apology. He worked fast, wrapping the splint and securing it to my leg. It was messy but as he pulled me to stand I could at least hold myself up a little. I still had to put nearly all of my weight on him, but I could manage. 

“Aetos, you know everything now. If you’re going to follow, fucking follow.” That was more like Xaden, though the fact that he was trusting Dain to carry Violet was still confusing. 

“Xaden, we have a problem!” Garrick called from the top of the steps.

“What kind of problem?” Every step hurt like hell, but it was either push forward or stay in that dungeon forever. I kept pushing, knowing I was getting closer to Garrick. 

“A general sized one.” We rounded the corner to find him with a sword to his throat, General Sorrengail stood above him. 

I surged forward ignoring the new sparks of pain, but Xaden held me back, something that wasn’t exactly a difficult task, but I fought as hard as I could. 

“Who’d you kill?” She asked, her eyes flickering between Xaden and her daughter who was just behind us in Dain’s arms. 

“Everyone.” His answer was clearly what she wanted because she immediately dropped the blade. This time Xaden let me go when I half stepped, half fell into Garrick's arms. I was vaguely aware of the conversation happening around us, but all I could focus on was his arms around me, holding me up. We both clung to each other without a word. His fingers threaded through my hair, pulling me close. I felt so weak and I was still disconnected from both my dragon and my power, but I was safe with him. I breathed in the smell of him, letting it overpower the smells that had dominated my senses for the past several days. The damp smell of the stone and the sharp smell of blood. Our blood. 

“We have to give people the choice.” Violet begged. My attention returned to the conversation. “Tell them the truth and let them decide.” 

“Violet, they're not just going to leave everything because you tell them the truth.” Xaden reasoned.

“No, she’s right.” I said, feeling more confident now that I was safe. 

“Clearly you’ll need to be mended when we get home.” Xaden remarked, glancing at me in mock concern.

“Look, do you want me to trust people or not?” I challenged.

“Well, there’s a middle ground between asking you to trust my girlfriend and revealing our secret rebellion to the entire quadrant.” 

“Right, because you both are famously known for your pragmatism.” Garrick chimed in.

“I thought we agreed you weren’t going to take her side all the time just because you’re together now?” Xaden turned to him with a genuine look of betrayal. 

“Oh you’re right, sorry, didn’t mean to make you jealous, babe.” He leaned forward teasingly as if he were going to kiss him until shadows shoved him back. I felt some of the tension lift, as I felt the laughter rumble in his chest. 

“Fuck off. Look, we’re running out of time. I trust you.” He told Violet and she looked at Dain expectantly. What an odd group we were.

“I guess my last official act as wingleader will be to call a formation.” He resigned.

Less than an hour later we were mounted on our dragons and flying toward Aretia with more dragons and riders than I ever could’ve imagined. Home, we were really going home. 

Yes, little one. You did it. 

The feeling of being reconnected to my dragon and my power again was enough to give me the strength, with the help of my brother's shadows, to drag myself up onto the seat. I smiled as I let sleep pull me under.

Part 4

Part 1 if you're interested, but not required reading.

I gasped in surprise as I was dragged backwards and a hood was shoved over my head.

Breathe. I told myself, trying to force the panic down despite knowing I was being led across the school grounds and into the dungeons where I would be tortured. After Resson, there was no way this would be a normal RSC. The goal was to break me and Aetos would make sure they did everything in their power to do exactly that.

By the time I was sitting in a room with my squamates and we were each bound to a chair facing each other the panic was constricting my breathing. The lack of power and the silence in my head only brought that panic front and center. We were completely and entirely alone.

"I think you've all been kept waiting long enough. Let's begin, shall we?" I barely had a second to consider why Varrish was the one leading our RSC exercise before his fist hit me so hard I was momentarily blind. The anger erupting from my squadmates sounded like it was coming from under water. My breath caught as he followed it up with a kick to my sternum. Momentum propelled me backward and my entire body weight fell first on my bound wrists and then my head. Everything was blurry, but he didn't give me a single second to recover before he pulled me back upright. His pace was relentless as he delivered countless blows. Every inch of my body was screaming in pain. Eventually, my eyelids felt heavy and I could barely keep them open. "Oh, no. Keep your eyes open. If you pass out, I will start on your squadmates and I will make them suffer." I sucked in a painful, shallow breath and forced my eyes open. He smiled and I snapped, slamming my head forward with every ounce of force I could muster. Pain shot down my spine as my head fell forward against my chest without so much as brushing him. His laughter was humiliating and simultaneously fueled my anger. "How pathetic. Just like your father. All the fury and yet none of the power."

His hands threaded through my hair, slowly scratching his fingers against the scalp and I braced myself for the pain. Suddenly his grip tightened and he pulled hard. My head was forced back so I was staring directly into his eyes. I hoped my dark eyes mirrored the hatred in his. I'm not scared of him. This is just for a few days, I could survive. Every muscle in my body was taut with tension as I waited in anticipation for what he would do next. A gleam of sliver caught my eye and I looked to the dagger clutched in his hand. It was small, but sharp. Small green emeralds decorated the hilt just barely visible across the top of his hand which I knew was covering the small star engraved in the hilt.

"I was stationed at Samara, so I was unable to attend the executions. Tell me, did he scream? What did his burning flesh smell like?" The metal was cold against my collarbone. I didn't dare breathe with the pressure of the blade. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to imagine I was anywhere else. "Did he tell you this blade would protect you, that it would keep you safe?"

The memory of the last time I saw my father swam through the haze of my mind.

"I can help!" Xaden argued on his own behalf.

"I can help, too." I added.

"No, you can't. You can help by going with your aunt." Our dad's tone did not leave much room for argument, but that didn't stop either of us from pushing.

"You just gave us daggers to kill venin. What's the point if we never get to use them?" He ran his hand over his face in frustration. I saw the deep plum bags resting there. Sleep wasn't something he had time for anymore, not when so many people needed him and we were losing the battle.

"Those daggers are the last line of defense. If you have to use them, it means I have failed. So, no, you will not be staying. Neither one of you are ready for war." He turned to Xaden. "You will take your sister with you and you will meet Bodhi and Garrick at your aunts house. That is where you will stay until it is safe. That's an order."

"No, sir. She can go, but I'm not leaving." Xaden wasn't quite as tall as he was, not yet at least, but he was trying to stand to his full height.

"You don't really want to send us away to keep us safe. You're just tired of the inconvenience of being a father. I suppose we should be grateful that you're giving us the decency of a goodbye. It doesn't matter though, you're still abandoning us, just like her." My words had an immediate impact as he visibly flinched. As always, he paused, trying to formulate the right words.

"It's not fair and if you don't let us stay, we will never forgive you." Xaden stood by my side, a united front against our father as we tried to break him down. I held the dagger tightly in my hand, feeling the bite of the tiny emeralds embedded in the hilt.

"Your aunt will be here shortly. Make sure your things are packed." He turned his back to us and we both stormed out, knowing we had lost.

Guilt turned my stomach. I would give anything to take back the words I said. The last words I ever spoke to my father. He was right, I wasn't ready for war. The day I watched my father burn in front of me was a day that hardened me. It was the day that prepared me to be separated from my brother for five years. Everything I went through, alone, in that time prepared me for the hatred and brutality of the Riders Quadrant. Nothing prepared me for the screams of men, women, and children as they were ruthlessly slaughtered in their own village. Nothing prepared me for the chaos of everyone I loved being caught up in their own battles all around me while I was hopelessly outmatched in my own battle. Nothing prepared me for what it was like to see the creatures from my childhood nightmares living and breathing right in front of me. Above all, I was completely unprepared for the absolute soul crushing agony of losing one of my best friends. My father was right. We were not ready for war and yet it didn't matter, because now we were the ones who were responsible for holding the secret and we were the ones entrusted to protect the people of not only our home, but Navarre.

Pain blinded me, exploding across cheek and spreading white hot like wildfire down the side of my face. The scream I let out didn't even sound human. I had forgotten where I was, completely caught up in my own memories. I could feel the blood pouring from the gash he had carved in my cheek with my own blade. The one my father gave to me.

"I'll be back soon." He sneered, his hot breath making my skin crawl as it blew the wisps of hair across my face making it slick with my own blood.

He left without another word. The door slammed and I jumped, but I didn't break. I wouldn't let him see me break.

"We will be fine. You can't take this on your own." The blood obscured my vision, so I couldn't see his face, but I recognized the voice of Tate, the squadmate who took the longest to stop hating me for the rebellion mark curving from my wrist to just past my elbow.

I couldn't speak, the bite of my teeth against my lips was the only thing holding me together, so I simply nodded. We both knew I wasn't just going to let Varrish torture them on my behalf, but I also knew that I wasn't going to be able to withstand this for much longer. It felt good to know I wasn't alone.

"He can't really do this, can he? I mean, this is just RSC, so he can't just-"

Tate cut off the naive thinking of our more gentle squadmate, Mallory. "Did you hear him ask about any of our secrets?" He let the question hang in the air for a few moments before continuing. "He is just trying to torture her, for fun or hate or whatever else, but I know that we are not just going to let that happen." They all nodded. "Listen, I know you keep a lot of secrets and that's okay. Honestly with how we all treated you in the beginning, I don't blame you, but just know that we have your back."

I hated being vulnerable and feeling so weak, but the support of my squadmates means I'm not entirely at the mercy of Varrish. They continued to talk to each other, trying to distract from our current predicament. I tried to listen, but it wasn't enough to distract from the pain radiating throughout my body. We slept in turns or at least we tried to, but it was nearly impossible to relax our bodies enough to rest when we were constantly on edge waiting for Varrish to return.

Tate's yell cut through the fog of sleep and I jolted upright forcing a shockwave of pain. Varrish was standing over him, blocking my view, so I could only imagine what he was doing.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Please, leave him alone!" I didn't care that I was begging. This torture was for me and I would be damned if I let anyone else suffer.

"There she is. I thought I would have to flay his entire finger before you joined us." His smile sent chills down my spine, but I didn't break eye contact as he moved away from Tate. Blood dripped from the tip of my dagger, still in his possession.

"Leave him the fuck alone." I growled.

"My signet isn't one I usually share openly, but you should know, it allows me to see one's fears and weaknesses. Yours is the terror you feel at the realization that you aren't strong enough to protect everyone. You know that your father would be disappointed in you and that you shouldn't have survived this long. You can't protect your friends and you're too weak to help anyone." Emotions swirled in my brain. Shame that he was sharing this in front of my squadmates, guilt over the deaths of Liam and my father, anger at how easily he had pinpointed everything I fought to push aside, and even the resignation that he was right. I was so selfishly caught up in my own thoughts, I didn't see him move toward Mallory, but I didn't miss her yelp as he plunged my dagger into her stomach.

The dagger wasn't long enough to do catastrophic damage at least not until he dragged it across her abdomen eliciting an ear piercing scream. We were all yelling now, but Varrish simply turned towards me. "Leading a revolution has consequences that I fear you have yet to truly understand. I will be watching you and waiting for the mistake that will inevitably happen." He left without another word, but at least it sounded like our interrogation was over. We could get Mallory to Nolan and she would be fine.

Our platitudes were useless and after an excruciatingly long amount of time had passed, they were becoming harder to muster. We couldn't lie to her anymore. This wasn't over and help wasn't coming. It felt just as it did with Liam. She was dying and I was helpless to stop it. This time, it was directly my fault. She did nothing wrong and yet she was killed just to punish me. I couldn't even tell her how sorry I was. I couldn't say anything. I just watched as the life slowly bled out of her. She talked about her parents and her home. She asked us to tell them how much she loved them. She told us how much she loved each of us and how much she treasured being in our squad. The guilt felt suffocating. How long did it take for someone to bleed out? I knew there was no hope of saving her, but I just wanted her suffering to end. After a while, she couldn't talk anymore, when she tried only spurts of blood came out. Her short blonde hair was stained with it by the time her breathing stopped. Tate was the only one aside from me that didn't cry. I couldn't. The guilt was all consuming.

The worst part was how short the time span was from the moment Mallory took her last breath to the moment they open the door and dismissed us. They removed her body before they untied us. We were each given a cup that I knew held the antidote to whatever they had given us what must've been 3 days ago. None of us spoke as we emptied our cups. I didn't protest when Tate pulled my arm around his waist, letting me lean against him. There was no way I would be able to make the long trek back to our dorms on my own strength and right now I just wanted to get out of here. His blood smeared across my shirt from his injured finger. I forced myself to look at it, just like Mallory, it was my fault.

We had specifically been instructed to go to our dorms, not to class or to the healers. My room was the last on the hall and our only other living squadmate, Mason, opened my door, while Tate went to help me inside. He was stopped by the shield Xaden had put up before he left. I used it to my advantage and slipped inside, shutting the door behind me without another word.

I felt my dragon probing against my shields, but I kept them locked tight. I wanted to be alone right now. My body gave out as soon as the door clicked into place. I laid on the floor in a heap and gave in to the sobs. I screamed and I cried and I let the grief tear me apart. My chest ached and nothing I did would soothe it. Breathing felt impossible and pain flooded in from every angle. Eventually the exhaustion kicked in and sleep took over.

I let out a small scream the moment I felt the hands on my shoulders. My entire body was on edge and tensed for an attack I wasn't prepared to withstand.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I-" My heart fluttered at the soft sound of his voice. "I came as soon as I heard you were back.

When I picked my head up, he was sitting back on his heels a short distance away with his hands frozen in mid-air. So many different emotions were displayed across his face, but the one I felt the most was his pity. Bodhi was always gentle, even in training, but right now he was looking at me as if the mere weight of his gaze would cause me to shatter. I hadn't seen myself in the mirror, but I felt the cuts and bruises that littered my skin. It was hard to know, but I felt like at least a couple of my ribs were broken. My lower lip was painfully split and my right eye was completely swollen shut. The worst was the pain in my face. I remembered a mender coming in at one point to close it just enough so I could withstand more torture, but I'm sure it still looked awful.

"I didn't break." I whispered, my voice betraying just how close I had come. The resolution to hold it together during every ounce of vitriol thrown at me had completely crumbled the moment I stepped into my room. I didn't have the energy to stay strong anymore.

"It's okay-"

"It's not!" The force of my words through my broken ribs cut me off. I started again, but more softly this time. "I knew they were going to take the opportunity to torture me just because they hated how close my father came to destroying every dirty secret they tried to hide. I'm supposed to be like him, but I wasn't. He didn't even flinch while they burned him alive and I-" Anger flared "They killed Mallory. Varrish gutted her and left her to bleed out right in front of me and there was nothing I could do. He never even asked me to say anything. He just wanted to prove that he can destroy everyone and everything. In one weekend, he proved everything I'm terrified of. I'm not strong enough to protect anyone and I'm obviously not of any value to the war."

"RSC is all about trying to break you. Not just spill the secrets that you're given, but to make you confront all the doubts you have about being good enough to be a rider. You are more than strong enough to be a rider. Not just because of your signets, but because you are a damn good leader. We can't do this without you." He put his arm around my shoulders and let me rest my head against him. "You'll get through this, I promise." We stayed like that for a while until eventually I got up to take a shower and change into some clean clothes. The water burned, but I stayed until the red turned to pink and finally ran clear. Bodhi was still there when I finished. "Do you want me to stay?" I weighed my choice, torn between wanting to prove my strength and being terrified of being alone. After a few moments I nodded. He didn't say anything else and he gave me space, but with the warmth of his presence I finally felt safe enough to sleep well.

I told Bodhi I was fine the next morning, so he left me to get ready on my own. While, I wasn't looking forward to going to class, it was better than sitting here and being consumed by the memories of Mallory's last moments. I gathered my things and opened my door to head to class, but before I moved farther a glint of silver caught my eye. The dagger my father had given me was laying on the floor right outside. It was a clear threat that while we may have survived RSC, but this was far from over.

I picked it up and sheathed it at my thigh, deciding that it would be a reminder, not of the torture Varrish forced us to endure, but of how we would be the ones to win this war.

"Again." He demanded despite the fact that we had been sparring for well over an hour at this point and he had pinned me every time.

"Garrick, I think we've trained enough, at this point when someone does try to kill me, I'm going to be too exhausted to do anything but pass out." I tried to reason with my trainer who had been assigned to me by my older brother.

"Again." He repeated, pushing himself up and dragging me with him. I stumbled slightly as I tried to get my legs under me, falling forward against his chest. I immediately felt the butterflies that I always felt whenever we got a little too close. Garrick has been there my entire life, mostly just because he was Xaden's best friend, but also because he cared about me or at least I hoped he did. He was usually the first to come looking for me when the boys were being a little too mean or rough. When our parents were killed, Xaden had the entire world on his shoulders all of a sudden, so when I couldn't bring my fears about the future to him, I went to Garrick. He held me and promised that no matter where we ended up, he would take care of me. Where Xaden and I always struggled with fiery tempers, Garrick was always the voice of reason, not quiet and optimistic like Bodhi, but reasonable and rational. I can't remember a time before I loved him, but I was always too scared to tell him. Maybe it was the newfound confidence since I'd joined the Riders quadrant or maybe it was the fear that I wasn't going to make it, but for a moment I was just brave enough to reach forward on my tip toes and kiss him.

He pushed me back almost immediately, "what are you doing?" It wasn't an accusation, just confusion, but the words hit me harder than any other hit he landed tonight.

My throat felt so tight that I couldn't force any words out. I just ran. My legs were already on fire, but I pushed through the pain and ran like it would dispel the earth shattering pain in my chest. White hot tears slid down my cheeks as I raced through the courtyard and up the stone steps. It was late enough that no one was out and I was grateful that I didn't give anyone another reason to target me. The tower was empty when I arrived, so I allowed myself to fall to the floor and succumb to my broken heart.

I ruined everything. Of course he didn't like me back. I was so stupid to think that there was a chance he would see me like that. Fuck. Since he was a Second Year, I could avoid him in class and in the halls, but there would be no avoiding him during our training sessions. That is unless I told Xaden and other than reliving what just happened, there is nothing I would want to do less. All I could hope is that he just would pretend like it never happened. Or maybe I could try to avoid him.

I was honestly planning to stay up here all night. No one really came up here, so it was pretty quiet, until I heard footsteps ascending the stairs. Expecting another one of the never ending attacks, I armed myself with one of my daggers and faced the opening at the top of the stairs.

"You look like shit."

"Not a smart thing to say to someone holding a weapon." I shot back at my cousin, but sheathed the dagger and returned to my spot on the stone wall.

"Garrick said I should come check on you, he thought you'd be up here." Well that's even more humiliating.

"I'm fine."

"Clearly." He sighed and took off his jacket, placing it around my shoulders. I didn't realize how cold I was until I felt the warmth cover my bare shoulders as I hadn't exactly stopped on my way out for shoes or my jacket. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked and didn't push when I simply shook my head in response. "When you're ready you can come stay in my room if you want. Can't have you dying because you're not sleeping."

"I've had enough humiliation today, I'll go to my own room to sleep." I wasn't planning on it, but I knew without the lie, he wasn't going to leave me alone.

"Good, I'll walk you over and then check with Liam to make sure you actually stay there." I glared at him, but he was used to it by now.

We sat in silence for a while until I eventually stood to go to the barracks, feeling totally exhausted. True to his word, he walked with me the entire way and I knew he would be asking Liam in the morning so I let myself collapse in my bed. I didn't even bother changing, just stored my daggers close at hand and let sleep take over.

Garrick's POV

"We may be friends, but if I ever see her crying again because of you, I will kick your ass." Bodhi's threat was so unlike him, but I didn't doubt he meant it.

"I didn't mean to. She just kissed me out of nowhere and I panicked and then she left before I could say anything." The thought of her crying because of me made my stomach turn.

"Well then, tell her that."

"I've been trying, but she's been avoiding me all day. I'll tell her during our training session this afternoon." I'd been rehearsing in my head what I would say to her, but none of it seemed right. I still wasn't really sure what I felt, but I did want to tell her that I was just caught off guard and I never meant to hurt her. I really cared about her.

Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. She was well over half an hour late to our training session and despite the fact that I had seen her just a couple hours ago at dinner I was terrified something happened to her. She had been attacked several times at the start of the year just for being the daughter of Fen Riorson, but it only got worse after Threshing. The unbounded cadets were jealous of her dragon and believed she was unworthy.

I knocked on her door several times, only becoming more frantic when she didn't answer. It was warded so I knew I couldn't get in unless she opened it. Xaden had warded it so himself and Bodhi could get in, but not me. Maybe he knew about her crush on me.

"I don't want to talk to you." She snapped as soon as she ripped the door open. I thought Bodhi said she was crying, now she just sounded pissed, like it was my fault she decided to completely change everything about our relationship out of nowhere.

"Fine, but you're late for training. Let's go." Fuck, that wasn't what I was supposed to say. I was supposed to be apologizing.

I saw the anger crack for a moment and her eyes watered slightly, but she clenched her jaw and steeled her face before shoving past me into the hall. Great. I came to apologize and now I've made it even worse. After shutting her door for her, I followed after her into the training room.

We didn't talk during warm ups outside of me making corrections to her form as she practiced combinations on one of the training dummies. We still didn't talk while doing wind sprints or even after when we moved on to leg work. By the time we started sparring the silence was deafening. She was pushing hard, even for her.

"Okay, that's enough for tonight." I said after she took a particularly hard hit to the side.

"No." She shot back instantly. "Again." She demanded, despite being clearly worn down.

So, we went again and when she got fed up with me pulling punches she scoffed and moved back to the training dummy. Her pace was unrelenting and there was no stopping her, so I just sat down on the mat trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to say to her.

She was Xaden's sister. I wasn't allowed to think about her like that. Then the apostasy happened and we suddenly weren't just kids anymore, we were soldiers in a war or at least I was, she was a Lady being prepared to one day be a Duchess. She was promised to a man who would be fitting of that title, until she wasn't. Even then, I couldn't let myself look at how beautiful she was, because I had to hold her as we were suddenly orphans and I was making her promises I wasn't sure I could keep. Then she was gone and I didn't see her until five years later. She was breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted so desperately to tell her, but I couldn't because Xaden made me promise to train her and protect her. He didn't need to ask me to do that, I would've done it anyways, but he trusted me to look after her, to make sure no one hurt her. Yet, here I was, now the one hurting her.

I heard her sniffle slightly between hard smacks to the dummy. When I looked over, I saw blood smeared across the front. Her knuckles had split and she hadn't slowed down at all.

"Okay, you're done." I said, moving to stand, but she had whirled around to face me before I was even on my feet.

"If you didn't like me, why do you always take care of me? I know I sound pathetic right now, but I don't care. I need you to tell me. Do you only pretend to like me because of Xaden? Have I just been his annoying little sister this whole time?" She seemed to regain her composure as she stood straighter and wiped her tears angrily. "Nevermind, you're right, we should just pretend this didn't happen. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" I cut her off. Her hair blew backwards in a shockwave from how fast I had crossed the room. I wove my fingers through the smooth dark waves and held the back of her head as I bent down and kissed her. I still didn't know what to tell her, but I had to make sure she knew that none of that was true. Despite the increasing fear I had that something would happen to her if I let myself act on the feelings I've fought so hard to keep buried, I kissed her like none of it mattered. We could figure out the rest, but right now all I could think about was how good it felt to finally hold her.

The moment shattered when she shoved me with such an unexpected force I stumbled backwards.

"What the fuck, Garrick?" She screamed. "Do you know how I felt when you pushed me away after I finally decided to kiss you? I've been in love with my entire life. As stupid as it seems I've dreamed about kissing you since we were kids, but I always thought you would never like me like that. Still, I risked it and then you broke my heart. Everything I was afraid of happened in the moment when you pushed me away. You don't get to just kiss me like you didn't reject me yesterday. So fuck you." She tried to push past me again, but this time I caught her wrist. I wasn't letting her leave broken hearted again.

"I'm sorry. You're right, that isn't fair. Can I explain?" I felt so out of my element, looking into her dark eyes, begging for her to give me a chance that I didn't deserve. She held out her bloody hands without a word. "Okay, you sit, I'll get the bandages."

I was welcome for a moment to gather my thoughts. I didn't want to mess this up again. I sat down in front of her with our legs touching, I took her hands in mine and set to cleaning them. "I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I whispered, still only looking at her hands. I now felt even worse about my reaction to the kiss yesterday, because I've always trusted her, always felt safe with her and yet this vulnerability was terrifying. "You're kind and fiercely loving. You're so brave and strong. I know everyone tells you that you're all the same things Xaden is, but it's different with you. He's bigger and way more brooding." She laughed softly making my heart skip a beat. "But you're trusting and loyal without question to anyone who deserves it. It's so easy for you to know right and wrong, even when we've always had to live in the grey. You've lost so much and been betrayed so many times. I know you don't really want to talk about what happened in your foster home, but I know that despite all of that, you still trust people. I wish I could love people and trust you like you do. I've been so scared of losing you or hurting you that I didn't ever let myself consider what a life with you would be like until after you kissed me. Hell, I didn't even consider much of a future at all and I still don't really know what will happen, but I know that I want you with me for whatever it is. I'd also really like to kiss you again, but I don't want you to hit me, so I guess I'll ask this time." I chanced a glance up to her face, relieved to find that she was smiling.

"Next time you want to tell me something, don't send Bodhi to check on me. You're a thick-headed idiot, but I love you." She leaned forward and as she maneuvered so that she was sitting in my lap I completely forgot how to function. "You can kiss me now."

And I did. Pushing away any thoughts or feelings other than the complete and total bliss of losing myself in her.

When I woke up, the sun was shining in brightly from the windows, which were now covered with bars. The bars were only a few inches apart, so there was no chance of slipping through the gaps.

"Are you hungry?" I turned to see Aemond sitting on the sofa where he slept last night.

"No." I replied, shifting in the bed slightly so I was sitting.

"It's not poisoned." He said, taking a bite of the bread on the tray in front of him. When I didn't respond, he took a bite of the porridge as well.

"Not all poison is immediate. You could just be waiting for an antidote while I suffer a slow death." I challenged.

He sighed, "very well. My mother brought some dresses for you if you wish to change while we wait."

"So you can take the antidote while I'm changing behind the screen?"

"You're quite impossible." He remarked. "Though, I never said you had to go behind the screen." He added with a smirk.

"It's not as if you need to ask anything of me."

His face hardened immediately, "I told you, I will never touch you without your permission."

"Aegon will not allow that. He will expect you to take my maidenhood."

"I already have a plan for that." He replied. I raised an eyebrow at him after he didn't elaborate. "Has your mother explained to you what happens?"

My cheeks flamed and all I could do was shake my head softly.

We were both spared the embarrassment of further conversation by the announcement of his mother at the door.

"You may enter." He said and moments later the doors opened to reveal the Queen Mother in a long velvet green dress.

"Aemond, your brother would like to discuss some things with you before the ceremony." He bowed to his mother before flashing a quick glance at me and leaving myself alone with Alicent. "Shall I help you dress for your wedding?" Her tone was not one of questioning, so I simply stood and followed her over to the pile of green dresses. "You needn't be afraid. Aemond has always been my gentle and kind boy." She said while selecting the most ornate of the dresses. One embroidered with countless tiny flowers and golden beads.

"He murdered my brother." I replied once again.

"The same brother who maimed him?" She challenged.

"We were children. Luke never meant to-" I paused realizing I had said exactly what she wanted.

"Just as Aemond never meant to kill Lucerys." She continued to speak as she helped me into the heavy dress. "Your grandsire was always terrified that his own family would go to war against each other. I think he was right and I'm sure your mother prepared you for that. You have the opportunity to prevent that by marrying Aemond and keeping peace. I know you don't want to and I know you're scared, just as I was, but I promise, no harm will come to you. You can still live a happy life with children you adore."

"You used to be my mother's closest friend." I said through teary eyes as she lead me over to a seat and began running a brush through the tangles in my hair.

"I did and I wish we would not have grown so far apart. Women follow the lead of men. I chose to follow Viserys and do my duty to my country. Your mother chose to follow her desires with your father rather than her husband."

"My mother chose to be happy, to find love and to allow Leanor to do the same. I understand that it was wrong, but it never had to become this. You could've chosen to be happy too." I caught her eye in the small mirror.

"You are a clever girl, but you are still young. You cannot break tradition that has lasted thousands of years. Thousands of men, women, and children will die in this war because your mother decided that her heart was more important than their lives. You can chose to follow the same fate or you can chose to find happiness in the life you have been given." She carefully pushed the last pin just a little too far and I felt it scrap my scalp. A threat that did not go unnoticed. She always hated me and that would not change as I married her son.

My stomach twisted into knots and my heart felt like it would explode out of my chest, but I forced my emotions down and held my head high. I would not cry in a room full of my enemies. The Usurper held my hand on his arm as he led me toward the man who murdered my brother. The blood pounded in my ears as we were married. I couldn't hear anything the Septon was saying. I wanted to scream and run, but I knew I would never be allowed to leave. I considered killing Aegon and ending this war, but I knew Ser Criston Cole, the man my mother had given a job to, would cut me down before I came within inches of victory. Aemond studied my face carefully as our hands were bound together. His eyes seemed to hold concern and pity. As much as I wanted to close myself off to him, I knew Alicent was right, if I did my duty, then perhaps the rest of my family could survive this. I couldn't let anyone else die. Aemond was gentle as he placed a hand on my cheek and slowly leaned forward to kiss me. My first. It seemed to last an eternity as he held our lips together before pulling away and taking my hand in his as we walked through the crowd of people out the front doors.

Once the doors shut behind us, he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry." I looked up at him in confusion, he was my husband now, he could do as he pleased, why would he apologize for kissing me?

"Let us go feast and celebrate the end to this fighting!" Aegon announced as he marched through the doors. He seemed to be the only one under the impression this would end the fighting, but as the King, no one challenged him.

Aemond stayed by my side for the rest of the evening, though apart from dancing, he never touched me. I started to become slightly comforted by his presence as many men who would be generals in the war to come approached me with thinly veiled threats of what was to become of my family. I was comforted until Aegon proudly proclaimed that it was time the bedding ceremony.

"My King, as we discussed, I would like the privilege of bedding my wife in privacy, if it pleases you." Aemond replied.

"Ah, yes, of course. My brother wishes to conquer alone. Very well." He waved us off and as we walked closer to his, or I supposed as it was now, our chambers I began to feel more and more afraid. The moment I stepped inside the room and the doors closed, I completely froze and the tears I tried so hard to force back came tumbling down my cheeks.

I could see Aemond out of the corner of my eye begin to strip off his clothes and tossed them next to the bed. I turned away before he took off everything.

"Once you change into your night clothes you hand me your dress." I didn't respond, but simply took off my dress and handed it to him, sneaking a quick glance only to find that he was also wearing his night clothes. He took the dress and tugged hard, tearing the fabric around the neck of the dress and tossed it on top of his clothes. I still hadn't moved from the spot I was glued to. "Visenya." I snapped my head up to meet his gaze. "I truly meant it. I'm sorry for today and I will not tonight, nor ever, force you to lay with me."

He walked over to the couch without another word and laid down. I was unable to completely relax, but I made my way over to the bed and settled into the sheets. Perhaps, he was right, maybe I wouldn't be harmed here.

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder and immediately shot up, slamming into someone. He grunted softly, but still was the one to apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's okay."

"Aegon will be here soon, so you get dressed, while I take care of this." I noticed he was bleeding from a small cut on his torso. He noted my confusion. "When a maiden lays with a man for the first time, she bleeds. Aegon will expect to see that we consummated our marriage."

"Oh."

"It's alright. Toss your night dress over when you change, I'll need that too." He was quiet and also clearly uncomfortable. I nodded and climbed out of bed to go put on one of the green dresses from Alicent, tossing my night dress over as he asked.

I came out and saw that he was now dressed as well, but our clothes from last night and this morning were in a messy pile next to the bed. The sheets were all tangled together and I saw the blood on them.

"Thank you." I said softly, chancing a glance at him. He looked as though he was going to say something else before the doors burst open and the King entered.

"I trust you enjoyed your evening, brother." He said, coming in and walking toward the bed. His lips spread into a wide grin as he took in the scene before him. It turned to a smirk as his eyes found me. "and you, Princess. Did you enjoy yourself?" I wanted to remain brave, but something in his eyes caused me to shrink back, almost instantly bumping into Aemond, though I didn't remember seeing him move toward me.

"Can I help you with anything else, my King?" He said from behind me.

"Yes, I would like for you to fly to Storms End and inform Lord Baratheon that I require the presence of him and his men here to begin preparing for battle. Lord Hightower expects the bitch to attempt to rescue her little girl." He directed the last part at me.

"I did not expect to leave my wife so soon."

"When you return you will have plenty of time to make little lords and ladies. It will be a quick trip." His request was given as a King and therefore not one to be refused, so Aemond left. "I shall have your meals brought here until your husband returns tomorrow." Aegon added to me before he left the room.

It was a relief to finally be left alone and not feel constantly on guard, though as much as I was unsure at the beginning I was starting to feel even a little safe with Aemond. Perhaps he truly didn't mean to kill Luke and maybe he did regret it. I spent the day reading books that were left in the room, though I was not truly absorbing the words I consumed, it helped to pass the time until the evening.

The sheets were changed when the servants brought dinner, so they were clean as I settled into bed. I missed my family, but I now had some hope that I would see them one day.

Once again I awoke to the touch of someone and for a moment I thought it was Aemond until I remembered he was gone. I tried to sit up, but quickly realized I was pinned down. I screamed when I realized it was Aegon.

"Perhaps we will make some bastards of our own." He sneered as he roughly kissed down my neck and forced my dress up. I kept screaming and violently thrashed, trying everything in my power to get free, but it was no use. He was the King and as such, no one would be coming to my aid. The more I fought back, the harder he hit me until eventually I couldn't fight back anymore, all I could do was cry.

The next day no one came to bring me food or change the sheets. There was no bath and no new clothes. I didn't move, because everything hurt and I realized how stupid I had been to think I was ever safe here. Sleep came in short periods if terrible nightmares and the waking world was no different. I was terrified he would return, so when the doors opened again, I scrambled off the bed and shoved myself into the corner, ignoring the ripples of pain throughout my body.

I heard him inhale sharply before calling out my name, but I didn't move or make a single sound until he came around the side of the bed and saw me.

"Stay away from me." I croaked my throat raw.

"Who did this to you?" He growled.

"You know. That's why you left, so he could have his turn. You lied to me and tricked me so I would think I was safe, so I would trust you."

"I didn't I swear." He stopped "Did Aegon do this to you?"

I didn't bother to respond.

"I'm going to help you escape. Stay here. If you want to change clothes, you can. I'm going to figure out how to free your dragon and then tonight I'm getting you out of here." His voice held an uncharacteristic edge, but I wasn't naive enough to believe him again.

The only thing I did was take one of the new dresses and change out of the clothes I was wearing before sitting on the sofa. This time, I didn't get a book, I simply stared at the window, watching as night fell. When Aemond returned he didn't let the doors close behind him, but instead waited in the doorway and asked if I wanted to go for a stroll. The guards on either side of the doors reminded me that I did not have a choice, so I stood and made my way over to him. We walked in silence for a while before we rounded a corned and he pulled me into a secret passage.

"I know you have no reason to believe me anymore, but I had no idea. I am so sorry for what my family has done to you, for what I have done to you." He pulled a cloak over himself and handed one to me. "Some of the dragon pit handlers are loyal to your mother and when I told them what Aegon had done, they agreed to help you escape. It's this way." He held up a lamp and I followed behind him as we made our way through the passage before finally coming up just outside of the Dragonpit where my beautiful dragon was already waiting. "Go quickly." He said while looking around for other people.

"He's going to kill you when he finds out what you did." I said, causing him to turn to me.

"I know, but I'm going to do my best to stop this war from happening."

"Thank you, Aemond." I truly meant it. For the things he had done, I should hate him, but I could see that he hated himself just as much as I did. He was trying to be different and risking his own life to save mine.

"I am truly sorry." I wanted to hug him, but I was also still so scared, so I just gave him a smile before mounting my dragon and taking off. Aemond had given me enough of a head start that I knew I could make it home, but I still kept going as fast as we could until I landed in the courtyard at Dragonstone.

I must've looked as bad as I felt because the guards rushed me inside and several took off to wake my mother and Uncle, though it was Jace who found me first. As soon as I saw him, I collapsed into sobs. He held me gently as I cried.

"Visenya!" My mothers voice broke halfway through my name and I turned to see her sprinting towards me with my Uncle just behind her.

"I left him. I'm so sorry. I-" My words were incoherent, but she shushed me and pulled me into her arms.

"Oh my sweet girl, it isn't your fault. You're home now. You're safe." I was so exhausted after hugging each member of my family and after some time, my mother sent them off until only Daemon, Jace, Rhaenys, and Corlys remained.

"I know you're tired and hungry, but we have to ask you what happened. Can you tell us?" Daemon asked as I sat next to my mother who hadn't let go of me the entire time.

I nodded and told them everything starting from Luke's death at Storms End, all the way through Aemond helping me escape.

My mother wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I told her what Aegon had done. Jace's face hardened with anger, but Daemon only made on small movement as his hand reached for the hilt of Dark Sister.

"We will speak soon of what we will do, for now, you get some rest." Daemon said, only the slightest edge to his voice.

Corlys and Rhaenys left first. Daemon hugged me and then Jace, each one reminding me how happy they were to have me home. Then, my mother and I left, making our way to my room where a feast was already waiting. She helped me bathe and dress in my own clothes. As I ate, she brushed my hair, softly running a hand over it each time.

"I think Aemond truly was sorry. While I was there he protected me. Thats why Aegon sent him away, I think he knew, Aemond never would've let him hurt me." I said to her.

She sighed, "Aemond is a clever man."

"Alicent said the same of me." She paused for the slightest moment before continuing to brush my hair.

"Do you care for Aemond?" She asked, catching me off guard.

"No, of course not, I just-" I stopped. It was far too complicated to describe how I felt for Aemond. He killed my brother and took me hostage, but maybe a part of me did care for him.

"It isn't anything you need to decide for tonight. For now, you sleep for as long as you wish. You are safe at home." She tucked me into the bed and kissed the top of my head before walking toward the door.

"Wait!" I stopped, feeling too silly to speak my thoughts aloud. I was brave and strong. "Never mind."

My mother smiled knowingly and came back to the bed to lay next to me. She ran her fingers through my hair and softly sang songs of Old Valeryia until I fell asleep.

A/N: Thank you all so much for the support on Part 1. I had no idea so many people would enjoy it! I can continue it if people want that or this could be a good place to end it as well.

I stood in the hall of Storms End, waiting for what seemed like hours, my hand never moving from the hilt of my sword. Luke knew Aemond wouldn't give up, so he flew off first and I was to follow after a while.

"My Lord thank you for your time as a gracious host. I will return home now." I gave a small curtsey to Lord Baratheon and turned to leave just as the doors opened.

I knew immediately by the look on his face that something was horribly wrong. All the earlier arrogance and even the anger he had directed at my brother was gone from his face. He looked shocked and even, perhaps, a little afraid.

"Uncle, I was just-" He cut me off without even glancing at me.

"My Lord, I ask that you would detain the Lady Visenya until I bring her with me to Kings Landing." He had regained some of his composure, enough that Lord Baratheon paused.

"I cannot get involved with this war in such a treasonous manner."

"I'm afraid Rhaenyra Targaryen will be angered with you regardless after the death of her son just above your home." I charged at him so quickly that he was the only one to react in time to stop me.

"You killed my brother!" I screamed at him, attempting to strike him with my sword, but he simply overpowered me and pulled it from my grasp. It clattered along the floor as he tossed it aside. I continued to try and fight against him, but he was twice my size and it was useless.

"I already told you boy, I will not have bloodshed in my home. You will take the girl to Kings Landing at once and your brother will provide me the protection you promised." Lord Baratheon commanded.

"Let me go!" I screamed, fighting as he dragged me along with him, out into the courtyard where my dragon screeched and fought against her chains. I heard a much louder roar and turned to see Aemond's dragon, Vhagar. I saw the unmistakable crimson around her jaws and my heart clenched. "You monster!" I sobbed, feeling helpless and entirely alone. He didn't respond, but kept pulling me toward the beast that had murdered my brother and his dragon. My fighting did nothing to detour him as he lifted me onto Vhagar above him, pushing me up as he climbed until we were both sat in the saddle. He pulled out some rope from one of the bags on the saddle and bound my hands in front of me, securing them to the saddle, so I had no escape. "I hate you and I swear to you that you will die screaming." I growled at him, mustering every ounce of hatred I could, despite knowing he could feel my body trembling.

"Sōvēs." He said, ignoring my threat, and commanding his dragon to take me to the home of my enemies.

"Vhagar killed Luke and Arrax. Now you're taking me to you mother and grandsire to have them kill me. I suppose that makes you a coward." I taunted him as he carefully helped me off Vhagar with surprisingly gentle hands.

"They're not going to kill you." He said, still not looking me in the eye.

"I wish they would." I muttered, finally drawing his gaze. His eyes softened slightly as he took in my tear soaked face.

"I'm truly sorry about Luke, I didn't intend-"

"Then you're stupid. You chased a child and a young dragon with a hundred year old dragon that was one of three dragons that burned half the country during the Conquest. You don't control her. You're simply too arrogant to see that and now my brother is dead." My hands were still bound and the top of my head barely reached his sternum, but I could tell, I struck a nerve. His jaw tensed and his eyes rapidly searched my face as he considered a response.

Eventually he said, "he took my eye."

"Now you took his life. I hope your revenge was worth it." I tried to use my shoulder to wipe away the tears that had fallen. I would not cry before the King and his advisors.

That is exactly where Aemond took me. It was just before dawn as he marched me into the council room. Aegon wore the crown of his namesake as he sat in the chair directly in front of me. On his right sat his grandsire and his hand Otto Hightower, Ser Criston Cole who was presumably his Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, my uncle, Lord Larys Strong, and a Lord Jasper Wyld. To his left was his mother, though she had no true seat on the council. Next to her was Grand Maester Orwyle, and finally Ser Tyland Lannistor, who had once competed for my mothers affections. I glared at each of the traitors before me with all the wrath of my birthright as a Princess.

"Uncle." I said with no move to curtsey.

"You will address your King with respect, bastard." Cole commanded.

"It's alright, she's had a difficult night I hear. Her elder brother and his dragon lay in pieces at the bottom of Shipbreaker Bay." Aegon taunted and I felt my heart twist painfully at the brutality of his words, but I steeled myself to give no reaction. "Shall we have her executed?" He suggested and I hated that I shrunk back against Aemond. Perhaps I imagined it, but I thought I felt his hand tighten against my arm.

"No. We will not kill her. There has already been enough bloodshed." Alicent spoke for the first time. "Rhaenyra will see reason and bend the knee."

"She will not and you know it. You betrayed her when you stole her throne and now you have allowed the murder of her son." I decided that if I was going to be executed then I may as well speak my mind.

"Your grace, if it pleases you, perhaps it is best to keep the girl as a prisoner, to persuade Rhaenyra to bend the knee." Otto Hightower added in support of his daughter.

"What of her dragon?" Tyland Lannister inquired.

"I shall arrange for the beast to be killed." Ser Criston replied, glancing at Aegon for approval to which he nodded.

"No!" I tried to shoot forward, but Aemond was expecting it and held me even tighter against his chest.

"We will keep her dragon chained in the dragon pit, as they already have more dragons and we could use the addition. As for Visenya, I will take her as my wife and either her mother will bend the knee and I will reside on Dragonstone with my wife or she will refuse and Visenya will remain here with me." Aemond spoke with all his usual confidence and I realized in his silence on the way over here, he was made this plan.

"I will not-"

"You will obey your King or I swear it that you will suffer the consequences. Mother, you will prepare the plans for the wedding and it will be held in two days." Aegon commanded with only the fraction of the authority he believed that he possessed.

"Your grace, are you sure that it is wise to bind your brother to a bastard?" Otto questioned.

"The hand does as the King commands and you will not question me again." Aegon spat. "Aemond, you shall keep her in your chambers. Ser Criston, double your men outside and have them to seal the windows. Dear niece, I will have the ladies prepare a dress fit for a Princess." I glared at him, though it had no effect. He held all the power here and I was simply a prisoner at his mercy.

Aemond pulled my arm and led me out of the room. We made our way through the halls without either of us saying a word until we reached his chambers. He removed his sword and left it by the door before opening the door for me to enter.

Once it shut behind us and I heard a latch snap, he turned to me. "I'm going to remove these. Don't do anything stupid, please." I didn't respond, but I also didn't try to resist as he undid the ropes around my wrists. "Tomorrow, I presume my mother will have more clothes for you, but for tonight-" He tossed me what I presumed was his small clothes. He didn't wait for my response as he went behind the screen to change his own clothes. I had only taken a small step forward to search for a weapon or an escape when he spoke again, "I would be disappointed if you didn't try, but I assure you, there is no escape and the guards have removed any weapons." I huffed in frustration, but he was right, I would not be giving up. "Are you decent or are you still searching for a plan?" He asked after a few moments.

"Just a moment," I replied. I was in fact searching for a plan and had made no moves to change. Though he seemed to be remaining on the other side of the screen, I hid around the corner as I removed my soaked dress and small clothes, only now realizing how cold I was. His small clothes fit as I expected they would, the sleeves down far past the tips of my fingers and the hem pooling in excess around my feet. "Alright." I said, poking around the corner.

He erupted into laughter the moment he saw me. I scowled in response, folding my arms, uncomfortably around my stomach while also gathering as much of the fabric as I could to cover myself. I also ensured as much distance between us as the room would allow. I had never been alone with a man, not even Daemon or my father, it was always to preserve my maidenhood for my husband. My mother had explained it to me some, as her only daughter, but she ensured me that she would share more with me before my wedding. She promised to marry me to a gentle and kind man, a man I loved. Aemond was none of those things and while he may have spared my life tonight, he also took the life of my brother.

His laughter quieted as he took in my face. "I will not harm you." He said raising his hands. "I know that you have no reason to believe that and I know that you hate me, but I swear to you that I will not force you into anything. I only suggested us to be wed so that my brother would not kill you or worse."

I bit my lip as tears fell once again, "You killed Luke and took me prisoner, why should I trust anything you have to say?"

He glanced at the door and took a few steps closer to me. I immediately gasped and shot backward, only running into the wall. He noticed and retreated quickly. His voice dropped to a whisper, "No one will believe you if you repeat this. I truly mean it, I am deeply sorry and I never meant to kill Lucerys. I will regret my actions until my very last day." I watched his adams apple bob as he swallowed. "The only thing I can do is to try to make it right with you. I know that you could not be allowed to return to Dragonstone; however, I knew that by offering up a marriage, my brother would spare your life."

I shook my head. He did tell them not to kill me, but I still couldn't trust him. I was completely alone here and if I was going to survive here, I couldn't let Aemond or anyone else trick me.

"I'm going to sleep over there, okay?" He pointed sofa between us. "You can take the bed." When I didn't respond he took a small step forward and when I didn't react, he continued forward. He was approaching the sofa from the right, so I moved to the left and continued to face him as I stepped toward the bed. Only when he was settled on the sofa did I climb onto the bed. The warmth immediately surrounded me as I cozied up under the blankets and settled back against the pillows. The relief was short-lived as I was once again confronted with how entirely alone I was. I wanted nothing more than to be comforted by my best friend, but the only offering I had was the emptiness he had left behind. He was dead and would never again be of any comfort to me or anyone else. I turned to my side and pulled one of the pillows against my chest, quickly burying my face into it to muffle the sobs that escaped. I completely broke down as I thought of the rest of my family. Had someone told my mother and brothers? Would Uncle Daemon come looking for me? Would they accept the demands of Aegon or would I be doomed to suffer alone, married to Aemond for the rest of my life? The sobs continued until I had exhausted myself into a restless sleep.

"I will go and lead Aemond away, it is me he wants. Stay here until you are sure more than enough time has passed, then depart for Dragonstone. I will meet you there." He shouted against the rain and thunder.

"Luke, no. We go together!" I begged, already knowing he was never going to listen.

"I am your brother, it is my duty to protect you. I was the one who took his eye and now I will pay for it." He placed his hands on either side of my head. "I will return home, I swear it." He gathered me into a tight hug. "Now, hurry and hide before Aemond comes." He shoved me gently away from him. We both climbed onto our dragons and with one last look took off in opposite directions. I flew just above the castle and back down to the opposite side before quickly climbing off of my dragon and returning to the hall where Lord Baratheon waited.

"Clever girl. Leave the fighting to the men and we shall see which of them survives." He looked as though the idea brought him joy while my entire body was vibrating with terror and adrenaline.

I shut my eyes and was immediately met with the picture of Luke and Arrax soaring through the pouring rain. The sky lit up with flashes of lightning and I watched as Luke frantically searched the skies around him. After another bright flash, I saw Vhagar looming over him. He quickly veered to the right before shooting upwards at a speed that only the small and nimble Arrax could achieve, perhaps the only advantage over the much larger and battle-wise, Vhagar. I could nearly feel his tempered relief as he scanned the clear skies above the storm. He visibly relaxed before devolving into a scream as Vhagar erupted from a cloud with jaws expanded wide enough to easily devour both Luke and Arrax. I watched in horror as the explosion of crimson dispersed to reveal the chunks of flesh that were all that remained of my brother and his beloved dragon. A scream ripped from my throat and I thrashed to escape as the massive beast turned to consume me next. My arms were pinned to my sides and my legs pressed against my dragon as Vhagar descended upon me.

"Visneya!"" I jolted upward, narrowly missing a shape looming above me. I scrambled backwards until I collided with the headboard, though I wasn't sure what exactly I was escaping from. "It's alright. You're alright." Aemond came into focus as I realized it was his hands on my arms, not the jaws of his dragon. and my legs were tangled up in the sheets of his bed, not the straps of my saddle.

"Get away from me!" I screamed, still panting and slightly disoriented from the nightmare. He jumped back as though I had slapped him and it was only then that I took in the genuine concern displayed through his furrowed brows and tight lips. His sapphire eye glinted against the candlelight, free from the patch he normally wore.

"I'm sorry. You were screaming and I-"

"Why didn't you let them kill me? I do not wish to live like this." I begged him. "Truly, if you are sorry, you will set me free either by my dragon or by your sword."

"I can't." He said, his voice cracking.

"Then do not pretend that you care." I spat. "You are just as much of a monster as that beast that you ride."

"Very well." He inclined his head and returned to his spot on the opposite side of the room. Though I could tell he was still watching me carefully.

As I laid back down in the bed, it was not lost on me that despite my screams, no one came to my aid. I was to be left alone with no one, but the monster who had taken the life of my brother over a childhood thirst for revenge.

Part 2

I figured it out first, being the pessimist, I immediately noticed when my mom's energy started fading again. One night after picking me up from a party when I was drunk, I confessed my fears to Conrad. He's the realist, so he didn't immediately believe it, but after paying closer attention, he saw the same things I did. Neither of us talked about it after that. We both just drank a lot and shared cigarettes in the quiet of the night. Jere was the last to figure it out. I think it's because he was always the optimist, just like our mom. Immediately, he wanted to confront her about it, just yelling it out at dinner one night.

"How could you not tell us the cancer is back?" He accused.

"What?" Belly and Steven asked at the same time.

"Kids, let's go into the living room okay?" My mom responded gently. The four of us got up and moved into the living room, while the Conklin's made their way upstairs.

I was already very tipsy, something I had learned to cover well, but tonight there was no hiding it as I snapped. "You can't leave. It's not fair. I hate you. We are all falling apart because we are just kids and we can't carry everyones fucking secrets. It's suffocating. You were so mad at dad for making us lie about his girlfriend and you're doing the exact same thing. Except you just want to lie to us and then just disappear one day. You are so selfish. Did you ever stop to think how we would feel? How it would feel for us?"

"Stop." Jeremiah warned, stepping towards me while Conrad wrapped an arm around our mom.

"No, I'm so tired of all this bullshit. Did you ever think how we would feel when one morning you just didn't wake up? When we went in to check on you and found you dead?" She flinched, but it felt so good to finally just explode that I couldn't stop as the tears burned my cheeks. "Then we would be all alone with a deadbeat dad and no one else. No one to take perfect little Jeremiah to his practices, no one to to sit up worrying about Conrad when he stays out all night with some girl and no one to-" My throat closed up, but I tried again, "No one to-" It was like my entire body gave up at once. My voice broke, my knees buckled, and I fell to the floor sobbing. 

My mom was holding me within seconds and soon after both of my brothers joined in. We were all just holding each other and crying together. She knew I hadn’t meant any of the things I had said in the same way she never held onto anything I said to her when we were fighting when I was younger. I always got so angry when I was hurt or scared. Now, I was all of the above. My mom was dying of cancer. Thirty seconds ago I was overflowing with emotion and now I just felt numb. I don’t even really know what I was going to say. There were so many things I had looked forward to doing with my mom. Things I would never get to do. 

“We need you.” I cried. 

“I’m right here, sunshine. I’m right here.” She said, squeezing us tighter.

We stayed like that for a while, none of us saying anything else, just quietly crying and holding each other tightly. My mom was the first to break the silence, kissing each of us on the tops of our heads and then declaring "that's enough, crying for now. We are going to do our best to enjoy the time we have left together." She stood and moved toward the kitchen before turning back to us. "Who wants to make some waffles?" She smiled, one that none of us returned, but we did follow her into the kitchen.

She started pulling out the ingredients while softly humming a cheery tune. I took the middle stool while each of my brothers sat on either side of me.

"Jere, will you get the eggs, milk, and butter from the fridge?" She asked, setting the dry ingredients onto the counter.

"Sure, mom." He gave her a small smile in return

"As for you two, you can choose to sit there and sulk or you can help us make some delicious waffles." Conrad and I shared a look before getting up and helping get the rest of the materials together.

The motions felt empty. Our Saturday mornings as kids were always filled with tantalizing smells, warmth, and laughter. Now, it felt like all I could think about was every moment with her could be our last. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed with a drink and make everything else go away.

I felt the powdery substance coat my face and spun around to see my mom and Jeremiah laughing, each with a hand covered in flour.

"Seriously?" Conrad spoke up, voicing my thoughts.

"What's the matter? Scared of a little competition?" My mom teased with a mischievous smile.

Conrad reacted first, diving for the eggs and handing one to me, but not before Jeremiah hit me in the face with even more flour. I quickly retaliated by launching an egg that landed with a satisfying crack, spilling goopy yellow onto his mop of hair. Conrad threw an egg at my mom that connected with her shoulder as she attempted to put the island between the two of them. I think Jeremiah found the sink first, coating all of us with streams of cold water, which only made the flour that my mom dumped on all three of us stick like glue. In just a few minutes we had created a disaster in the kitchen, but it was once again full of laughter and warmth.

That was how we spent our last week at the summer home and the following two months after that. Conrad and I both drank less, but we still spent most nights smoking on the porch together. Eventually, the quiet days spent in her bed outweighed the days of laughter. She was so small and weak that we were scared to touch her, but she never lost her joy. One night, she got a burst of energy so we made popcorn and brought the mattresses into the living room to make a giant bed where we cuddled together watching her favorite movie. She slept on the couch while the three of us shared the giant bed. My mom fell asleep first and the three of us stayed up a little longer, just watching her sleep, no evidence of pain on her face for the first time in weeks.

I woke up first the next morning and I just knew.

"Mommy?" I whispered, my voice cracking and the tears already dripping onto her face as I tried to gently shake her. "Mommy please. I'm not ready yet." I begged, my movements becoming more forceful. "I'm really sorry. I'll be better I promise, just please please wake up" My voice rose to a scream at the end. The sobs shook my entire body as I desperately called out to my favorite person in the entire world even though I knew she was already gone.

I wasn't sure which of my brothers was holding me, but he led us both out of the living room and onto the porch. He held me against his chest and gently ran his fingers through my hair. I could feel him sobbing with me. Eventually I heard the door close and we both looked up to see Conrad with puffy eyes and tears on his face.

Desperation, self-hatred, anger, and an all consuming loneliness swirled around fighting for control in my brain making it feel like it was about to explode. I couldn't trust Rafe, he was too indecisive about how he felt and right now I needed someone I could count on to help me.

It was already late morning and the sun was beating down on me as I walked along the side of the road. I knew it wasn't just the summer heat that was causing the sweat to pour off me, the shaking in my hands reminded me of what was really happening. Despite the tremors I kept a tight grip on the statue I had swiped on my way out of the Cameron residence. Honestly, I had no clue what it was, but I knew it was enough to trade for some coke.

My body was on auto-pilot, simply doing what was necessary to get the fix I needed to survive. I'd only really been to Barry's as a kid with my dad and I'd never had a conversation with him. My words were slurred and desperate, but he willingly traded the statue for the drugs and didn't say anything as I quickly set up several lines for myself, desperate to get as much as possible to make everything else go away.

The relief was instant and everything seemed to melt away. The anxiety I felt moments before faded to the background and it was as if nothing else mattered. It seemed like I was floating as I slumped over, slipping off the couch onto the floor. My eyes fluttered shut and everything else disappeared.

Rafe's POV

I was angry at Cassie for what she said, yet I couldn't escape the sinking feeling in my stomach. She was in real trouble and as far as I knew she had no one else left to turn to. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I really cared about her and I didn't want anything to happen to her.

When I spotted her older brother JJ across the dance floor with my sister, I knew I needed to put aside anything I had with him and ask for his help.

"Hey." I said as I got closer to him and I immediately received a look of disgust from him.

"What the hell do you want?" He snapped.

"It's about Cassie."

"Yeah, I heard about you two." He scoffed. "I should've known you were the one to corrupt her. Hope you two have a great time together."

"I think she's in trouble." I replied, trying to shove down the anger bubbling up, our rivalry wasn't important right now.

"Seriously dude. She come over to my house last night and she was really messed up. I swear, I never would've given her the shit if I thought she would get so addicted so quickly. She was shaking and sweating and crying. I found her going through my stuff looking for more, but I wouldn't give it to her. I told her she needed to get help, but she freaked out on me and left. I know I shouldn't have let her leave, I just- I think she might really be in trouble, man." He was just staring at me for a while and I could tell he was weighing trusting me against his need to protect his sister.

"Where do you think she went?"

"I don't know, probably somewhere to get more, but I don't know where that could be. Do you know if she knows anywhere?"

"Yeah, yeah, my dad would sometimes make us sit in the car while he got some from that dickhead, Barry. You're driving." I nodded and led him to my car. He followed me to the drivers side and shoved me against the door, immediately punching me hard. "I won't forget that you were the one who gave this to her in the first place."

"I know, I fucked up."

"Good. Let's go." He let me go without another word.

As we drove, I saw JJ picking at his nails and tapping his leg anxiously. He noticed me watching him and glared at me.

"Why do you care anyway? Besides trying to fix the guilt you feel." He taunted.

"I actually like her, shocking as that may seem. I should've just told her how amazing she is. Maybe if I would've told her how beautiful and incredible she is, she wouldn't have-" I stopped, not sure why I was sharing this with JJ Maybank of all people.

"Yeah." He said absentmindedly. "Did she tell you why she wanted it?"

I paused, not sure if I should tell him, but then I decided if we found her safe, she would need his help and he needed to know how she felt. "She said she was lonely. She thought you and your friends didn't care about her anymore now that Sarah was around." He visibly flinched at the words. "She told me about your dad too." He just nodded this time. "I told her before she blew up, but I really mean it. I think she needs real help, like rehab kind of help, and I will pay for it."

"We don't-" I could tell he wanted to be proud and refuse the help, but stopped. "I can take care of her." He said instead.

"I know, she will need you with her if she's going to beat this. You've brought her this far, but you don't have to do it alone." This time he looked at me and gave a slight nod.

When we pulled up to the house, JJ was out of the truck before I had stopped it. I wasn't long behind him, but he was already pounding on the door.

"What?" Barry snapped as he answered the door. "Country Club," he said as he saw me. "If you're looking for that statue I pawned it earlier today. Should be more careful what whores you allow in your palace."

I didn't try to stop JJ from punching him, but I knew even if I did try, there was no stopping him.

"Where is my sister you douchebag?" He roared.

"That bitch came to me." Barry shot back defensively.

This time, I took a swing at him. "Stop talking about her like that. Answer him."

"Look man, I can't have the cops showing up at my place, but I ain't having no dead girl on my conscious, so at least I called an ambulance." He blurted out after a moment of silence quickly followed by JJ clocking him again.

"What do you mean?" My blood ran cold at the words "dead girl."

"She OD'd, so I dropped her at that abandoned house on James St and called 911 then I left."

"You just left her!" JJ dropped him and immediately followed him to the floor landing blow after blow. I quickly pulled him off.

"We can check the hospital, let's go." I grunted as I tried to pull him out of the house, but after a moment he stopped and followed me out to the truck.

This time neither of us spoke as I sped toward the hospital. My knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel as tight as I could, trying to push aside the picture of her lying motionless on the floor of an abandoned house with pale skin and blue lips. I knew JJ was thinking the same thing as we pulled into the hospital parking lot, both of us sprinting across the asphalt and through the front doors.

"Cassie Maybank. Is she here?" JJ blurted out before he even reached the desk.

"Yes, she-" He didn't wait for anymore information and neither did I. We pushed through the emergency department doors and he immediately went left, so I went right, pushing the curtains apart for each section, desperately searching for her.

"Here." I heard JJ's voice crack as he called out to me. I ran toward the direction where I heard it come from and found him frozen at the foot of her bed. She was just as pale as the picture in my head and her lips were the same haunting shade of blue. Doctors and nurses were talking loudly, shuffling around her bed. One of them slammed a needle into her thigh while another was pounding rhythmically on her chest.

Neither of us moved, as everything around us seemed to be in hyperdrive. The machines beeped loudly and in my limited knowledge, I knew that wasn't the sound of her heart beating.

"No." JJ muttered softly. "She-"

I didn't know what to say. I felt the same way. She couldn't be dead. She had to be okay. I felt my chest closing in on itself as the reality sunk in. This was my fault. I did this to her. If she died, it would be entirely my fault.

"Turn her on her side," someone yelled just before she vomited all over the floor, choking and gasping for air.

I reached over and squeezed JJ's shoulder with shared relief. She was alive at least.

A/N: This is a mix of show and book (SPOILERS for both), plus some of my own interpretation. Obvious Ramsay warnings are in place, but I tried not to be too graphic.

She was facing the man that was now her husband, yet all she saw was a monster with a wicked grin. His eyes full of hunger as he scanned his prey. The greed shone as he triumphantly held the hand of not only his wife, but what he believed to be a token of his alliance with the Lannister family. No longer a bastard, but a Lord, now married to Arya Stark.

Reek watched on as the girl he, as Theon Greyjoy, had once chased around the halls of this castle with joyous laughter was now forced to reside alongside him in Hell. Only he knew the horrors that she was to face in this new life. Ramsay had broken Theon, but he had not killed him. He would maintain the facade of Reek, but he vowed to himself and to her, that he was going to get the both of them out of Winterfell and away from this vile monster.

After the ceremony, Ramsay led his new wife behind his servant, Reek, to their new bedchambers. He turned toward his new wife with a wicked grin as he leaned forward to kiss her for the first time.

The girl fought hard not to recoil when his lips first touched hers. It was the first time she had ever kissed someone and this was not at all how she imagined it.

Her hands shook as she fought with the clasps of her wedding attire.

"I don't like to be kept waiting," her new husband said as he leered over her shoulder. His patience was thinning rapidly.

Hot tears spilled from her eyes as she tried and failed to remove the gown. The sound of the fabric tearing caused both the other occupants in the room to jump, while Ramsay simply shoved his wife onto the bed.

Every part of him wanted so desperately to help her, as she cried. He had done so many times throughout their childhood together and as much as he wanted to save her now, he knew that in this moment, it was safer to not intervene. He had learned first hand how horrific Ramsay was when he was angry and had witnessed what Ramsay did to those who defied him. Theon knew that he had to make a plan to get them both out of their home and as far away as possible, but in order to do that, Ramsay had to think he was entirely in control. He tried to remain composed, but he couldn't help, but weep for Jeyne. He would've given anything to spare her the torture that Ramsay was inflicting upon her.

Jeyne knew Theon was only a few feet away from her, yet it brought her no comfort. He had cried, but done nothing to stop her husband from raping her. She was angry with him, yet even that was overshadowed by how entirely empty and vastly alone she felt.

Every inch of this castle was familiar to her, she had grown up here alongside her best friend, Sansa Stark, who's father was the former Lord of Winterfell. As a little girl, she had ran through these halls full of laughter and life, now they were cold and only echoed her cries each night. She scarcely ate or slept, only doing so when Ramsay would force her. She wanted to die, anything was better than living each day in fear and pain. There was nothing to look forward to. All she was to do in life was to bear heirs for her vile husband. The thought of bringing a child into this home frightened her and yet she had no choice. Her life was supposed to be serving her best friend, as they married handsome men and had beautiful babies. It was full of joy, hope, and possibility. Now all she knew was despair.

Ramsay grew increasingly more angry as the Lannisters made no move to support him beyond spreading the lie that he had married Arya Stark. His father was dead as was his brother and step-mother. Now all he needed was an heir of his own, then he could truly move forward with claiming more power. The girl had yet to be with child, so he feared that she was finding a way to prevent it. He ordered Reek and Myranda be the only ones who were allowed to interact with her. He was sure that this way, he could trust nothing would be done to prevent him from attaining what he wanted.

Theon was hopeful the moment he discovered he would be bringing Jeyne her food. For the first time he would have a moment alone with her and he could share the plan he had come up with. However, when he came to her room, she didn't believe him.

"You're just trying to trick me. I know you are his servant and you're just as awful is he is," she yelled at him.

"I swear to you, that I am not. Ramsay is going on a hunt tomorrow, that is when we will escape. He will never hurt you again." Theon wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or relief, but the girl fell forward into his arms. As gently as possible, he held her close, only gingerly touching the raw skin on her back from where the whips had torn away the skin.

When Theon left, she tried not to allow the hope to consume her, only to push back at the clutches of despair that threatened to overwhelm her. That evening after returning from her husband, Jeyne slept, not without nightmares, but with the slightest glint of that future life of possibility she had once thought certain.

The shadows from the quickly setting sun creeped across the floor of her room, ebbing away at the hope that had built in her heart despite her best efforts to block it out. She was no longer pacing, but simply laying in her bed when her door opened and Theon called her name.

He was quite sure that neither one of them were going to make it out of the castle, his only hope was that they would die in the process before Ramsay could get a hold of them and inflict untold horrors. Though, he did not share this information with Jeyne, only holding tight to her hand as they wound their way through the castle they knew better than anyone else. This advantage allowed them to stay hidden except for one moment in which he was forced to quickly turn back around a corner and pull her against his chest to hid from a passing guard.

Her heart thumped just as rapidly as his own as they waited in still silence for the guard to pass. They were so close. Theon started to consider that they could possibly escape and survive.

As Theon pulled her up to the top of the battlements, she looked at the impossibly long jump. She knew the snow would provide some protection, but it was still a dangerous jump. They both only hesitated for a moment before her took her in his arms and jumped.

In the moment her feet left the stone, she felt free, no longer trapped at the mercy of a monster. She was at peace, knowing either they would die or they would be safe.

The peace she felt shattered the same moment her ribs did. Her scream was muffled by Theon's chest as he landed on top of her in the snow. She had not expected such an agonizing impact and for a few moments struggled to breath.

Theon didn't have time to feel horrible for hurting her, he heard the shouts of the guards from where they had just jumped from. Their only choice was to run as fast and far as they could. He grabbed her arm and pulled hard until she was standing. Without a moment to adjust, he dragged her along towards their only hope of survival, Jon Snow.

Part 1 Part 2

The two of us walked side by side out of the police station. We didn't dare say a word the entire time he was ranting about the money it had cost him. We knew the only thing that was protecting us from the rage radiating off our father was that we were in a police station surrounded by people. Each step away from the building brought us closer to danger. I was already starting to feel ill from withdrawals, since it had been hours, but even that feeling didn't compare to the dread I felt.

JJ hesitated at the door to the truck and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was, there was no way to escape. He had never been this angry before and we were about to get in a small car with a single bench. Once we got in the truck, we were only safe until we got home. Then, there wouldn't be anyone around to witness the inevitable assault.

My dad slammed his door shut and we got the message, so JJ opened the door and slid into the seat next to my dad. JJ had only just shut the door when I felt pain radiate from the side of my jaw. He never hit us in public, so I wasn't expecting it. My entire body shifted sideways into JJ from the force of the impact.

"What the-" JJ was cut off when my father leaned over me and hit him, except the only place he had to go was into the window.

"Please!" I squeaked, completely terrified at the unexpected escalation. He was always terrifying and often unpredictable, but only in our house. Now, we weren't safe anywhere.

"Thirty thousand dollars!" He roared, just throwing hit after hit blindly. It was such a small space, we were both trapped and he knew it. He was just throwing his fists around as hard as he could and landing hits on both of us. "Do you know what you did to me?" He was so angry, I thought it would never end. My entire body hurt and I didn't know how much more I could take, but then he stopped, just as suddenly as he snapped. Without a word, he started the car and drove off toward the house. JJ and I were both frozen for a few moments before we righted ourselves in the seat. The tension still hung in the air, so thick that I didn't dare move for fear of setting him off again. I felt JJ's fingers brush against mine, attempting to reassure me, but neither of us spoke or looked at each other.

When we got to the house, he said "get out" and then stormed off into the house, knowing that we would eventually follow him.

"Just stay behind me," JJ said to me as we both walked toward the house. I just nodded, knowing he would try to protect me, like he always did, but there was no stopping him and we both knew it.

He was snorting a line of coke when we walked in, surrounded by trash and bottles of varying levels of fullness. I shut my eyes and tried not to think of my how badly I wanted some of that coke. All I had to do was make it a few more hours, then I could find Rafe and get more. This time I would hide it better.

"Pretty boy has the good stuff, doesn't he, girl?" He was looking directly at me and my stomach dropped. "I know that look, you want some. You were shaking and sweating when I picked you up. Soon you'll start throwing up. Means you're addicted, doesn't take more than once or twice. Here, take some." He set up another line.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I could hear the confusion in JJ's voice, so I knew he didn't figure it out yet. There was no way out of this, he was going to hate me.

"JJ, I-" What was I going to say? I felt the panic rising in my chest and my eyes burned with tears.

"Don't be shy, girl. I know you're desperate for more." My dad was enjoying this, he truly hated us and I had no idea why.

"I don't I-"

"What is he talking about?" This time he was angry and I turned to see him looking at me.

I opened and closed my mouth several times, but I had nothing to say.

"Oh you didn't know? You always like to tell me how you're the one who always takes care of her and looks after her. How could you not know your sister has been snorting coke and sleeping with that Cameron boy."

"No!" I argued. "We didn't, I mean, I-" I couldn't form a freaking sentence.

"Is that true, are you doing drugs and sleeping with Rafe?" I swore the walls were getting closer with each passing second.

"No, I mean, yes. I-" He looked so angry and it was so much like our dad, for a moment, I thought he would hit me too, but I pushed that thought away and tried to continue. "Just let me explain-"

"Explain what?"

"I didn't sleep with Rafe." I said in a small voice.

"But you did snort coke?" I nodded and shifted my gaze to the floor. White hot shame flooded my entire body only adding to the heat I felt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was just lonely and you were with your friends and I just-"

"So this is my fault?" He shot back.

"No, I just-" My dad wasn't saying a word, just watching the two of us go back and forth with the same expression as watching a football game on TV.

"You're just like him." I let out a small gasp, not expecting him to say something so harsh.

"I'm not, I-" He was already turning to leave. I tried to grab his arm, but he just pulled away and left without another word.

"He's not wrong." I couldn't be here anymore, I needed to get out. So, I stormed out too, grabbing my bike as I left.

I didn't even realize where I was going until I stopped in front of the Cameron house. When I realized, I didn't' have my phone, so I couldn't text Rafe, I settled for trying to remember where his room was. I finally found it, the window facing the water on the second floor. So I picked up a couple rocks and threw them toward his window, immediately hissing in pain. Thankfully, he heard the first try and opened his window.

"Shit, I'll be right down." He said before shutting the window. It was only a few seconds later when he appeared in the doorway, but I was already regretting coming here, so I was turning to leave. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come, I'm just going to go."

"You can't go anywhere looking like that, at least come let me help you get cleaned up."

"No, it's fine, JJ-" I stopped, normally JJ would help me, but now, I doubt he would even want to speak to me. I bit my lip hard, trying not to cry, squeezing my eyes as tightly as I could, but the tears spilled out anyways. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I jumped in shock when I felt Rafe pull me close to his chest. The sobs burst out of my chest despite my best efforts. He didn't seem at a all detoured, he just held me until the sobs gave way to silent tears without saying a word.

"Do you want to come upstairs? No one's home." His voice was uncharacteristically gentle and his eyes were soft as he scanned over me. I just nodded and followed him up to his room. "I'm going to get some first aid stuff, I'll be right back."

"Just some paper towels are fine, I don't need anything else."

He laughed lightly, "I'm getting you some actual medical stuff, I'll be right back."

I looked around the room that wasn't all that different from the last time I was here, maybe a bit messier. While I waited, I looked around for some of the coke he had. Nothing was in the closet, so I was checking the bedside drawers when he came back.

"What are you doing?" He wasn't accusatory, but he seemed confused.

"Getting some coke. My dad took what you gave me and the rest of my cash, but I'll pay you back, I promise. I just really need something." My voice sped up, but was still slightly scratchy from the crying.

His brows furrowed and he set the box from his arms onto the bedside table. "I think you need to take a break from the coke."

"What? Why? I'm not addicted or anything, just with everything with my dad and JJ, I just need it." I said defensively.

"Cassie, I'm not one to throw stones, but it does really sound like you're addicted and maybe just take some time before-"

"Fuck you, Rafe, you were the one to give me this shit in the first place."

"I know and I wouldn't have if I thought you'd get addicted. I just get high sometimes, but I don't ever need it, not like this." He gestured to my shaking hands and I angrily crossed them over my chest.

"You know what, I'll get my shit somewhere else, screw you Rafe." I tried to shove past him, but he stopped me.

"Get out of my way." I growled, but he didn't back down.

"Cassie, you really need some help." He pleaded.

"I need help?" I asked incredulously. "You're the one who hangs around high school parties and lives at home because you're too much of a fuck up to do anything else. You'll never have any job other than working for your dad, who hates you. It won't ever matter, because you know Sarah is going to get everything anyways because she's his favorite and he knows you're entirely worthless. You just want to help me because you want to feel better about yourself. You know that you don't have any real friends or anyone that cares about you, so you want someone you can fix, who will depend on you. Wake up, Rafe, if you weren't rich, no one would give a shit about you." I launched the verbal attacks at him with all the emotion and hatred I had toward myself. This time when I went to leave, he didn't stop me, he just stood there motionless.

A/N: the main character started to become more defined as I wrote this part (and the next one 😆) so I ended up just making her an OC, so her name is Cassie.

Part 1

I gave Rafe a quick smile as I passed by him to serve a nearby table. He glanced up at me, but didn't return my smile. Instead he looked rather nervous.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" I asked the customers in front of me while pulling out my server book to write down their order.

"I cannot believe you slept with a Pogue, dude and you're not even going to tell us her name?" Kelce's sentence pulled my attention away from my current task.

"There's no way she was that easy, especially not for you." Topper added.

"Excuse me, I said do you have any gluten free croutons for the salad?" The woman had the audacity to snap her fingers in front of my face after I had apparently waited too long to respond.

"I'm sorry, give me just a moment." I muttered as I was already walking away from their table.

I heard Rafe say something about the bathroom to his friends. Soon after we made it inside, his footsteps quickened, following me toward the utility closet.

"What the hell Rafe?" I exploded the moment the door shut behind us.

"Its not my fault you Pogues sunk Topper's boat."

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about and how does that have anything to do with you telling your stupid friends we hooked up?" I shot back.

"Pogues vs Kooks, that's how it's always going to be." He stated as if it was one of the fundamental laws of nature.

"I thought-" I stopped. "You know what forget it. What's the actual price of a bag?" I shoved my hand out expectantly, noting how it was already trembling despite the fact that I had a line before my shift this morning.

"You don't have to pay me." He said, already handing me a bag.

"Here's $40. I'm not owing you anything." I shoved the money against his chest and stormed out of the room before he could give it back.

I was so stupid to think he might actually be any different. He really is just a stuck up kook who thinks he's better than everyone else. Why did I let myself feel anything for him?

I hid in one of the staff bathroom stalls while I quickly snorted a line before returning to my shift so I didn't lose my job. It wasn't much longer before my boss sent me home early because multiple customers had complained about incorrect orders and slow service.

As usual JJ was not here, but my dad was, which meant I had to face him alone.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He asked from the couch as I walked in.

"I got sent home." I replied, walking into the kitchen to look for something to eat.

"Rent's due." He said as he came into the kitchen behind me.

"I don't have much, they sent me home after only a couple tables and tips were shit today." It wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't a lie either. Anything was better than telling him I spent almost all the tips I earned on coke. Only he was allowed to use our money to buy drugs.

"Empty your pockets." I jumped, having not realized the he was right behind me. I turned around to face him, shrinking back against the counter as he trapped me by placing his hands on the counter on either side of me. My throat immediately dried up as I tried to think of some excuse. "Now!" He yelled, backhanding me hard enough that I immediately felt my lip split.

I forced my trembling hands into my pockets and pulled out the $37 I made in tips and the bag of coke I got from Rafe. He immediately snatched the wad of cash and stuffed it in his pocket. As soon as his eyes landed on the small plastic bag hanging from my hand, he laughed.

"Damn, I always thought JJ would be the one to turn to the hard stuff." Hot shame creeped up my neck and across my face. "What would he think if I told him about this?" He took the bag from my hand and dangled it in front of my face.

"Please, don't!" I begged. I couldn't fathom how angry JJ would be with me if he knew. I suppose it would at least get him to acknowledge me, which is more than he's done in weeks.

"Why not, huh? Don't want him thinking you're some degenerate like your old man?" He sneered, clearly enjoying having something to hold over my head. "Nah, I think I'll wait and see. Maybe I'll tell him, maybe I won't." He turned and left without another word, letting the door slam behind him.

I only waited a few seconds before running to my room and shutting the door behind me. The sobs escaped before I could stop them and my legs gave out. I heard the door open and immediately covered my mouth, not sure if it was my dad or JJ. Neither of them were a particularly great option, so I stayed where I was, crying into my hand until I didn't have anything left.

Eventually I got up and crawled into bed, simply kicking my shorts off and going to sleep without changing.

I woke up to JJ pounding on my door.

"Yeah, I'm up." I called back. He immediately came in. "That doesn't mean just come in!" I complained.

"Sorry." He turned away from me to face the door. I just scoffed and got up, grabbing the same shorts from last night, but quickly throwing on a different tank top. "Pope wants us down at Heyward's this morning."

"Me?" I asked, immediately hating how it sounded.

"Yeah, John B is missing, so we needed some extra help."

"Oh." I'm just the extra fill in. "I'm ready." I said, trying not to let the hurt seep into my voice.

He turned back around to face me, freezing as soon as we were face to face.

"Did he do that?" His thumb gently brushed over my lip, causing me to wince slightly and he pulled back instantly. I just nodded. "I'm sorry, I should've been here."

"It's fine." I said flippantly. "Let's go." There was a part of me that was happy to see that he cared, but I also thought of what my dad found last night and I still didn't know if he would tell JJ about it. If he ever did, I knew JJ would hate me the same way he hated our dad and I couldn't bear that.

JJ, Kie, and Pope were talking about some fight they got in last night with Kelce, Topper, and Rafe at the movies that they didn't invite me to. I was pissed that once again they were leaving me out, but I also realized that must have something to do with what Rafe was saying about a Pogue sinking Topper's boat.

"Pope, there's someone here to see you." Mr. Heyward interrupted their conversation and we all looked up to see Shoupe hovering behind him, handcuffs in hand.

If you would've asked me the person I thought would've been least likely to sink Topper's boat, it would've been Pope. Topper himself was more likely to sink it than Pope. He was an honor student and basically a Boy Scout. The rest of us broke the rules on a daily basis, but not Pope, he was always the voice reason. There was no way he did this and we were all following after Shoupe as he led Pope to his car in handcuffs, trying to tell him this.

"It wasn't him!" JJ yelled so his voice could be heard above all of us talking at the same time. It worked and we all turned to him as he said, "it was me." He was walking toward Shoupe and still talking, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. The blood was pounding in my ears and I couldn't hear anything over the ringing. It wasn't that I didn't think JJ did it, that was more believable than Pope, but I couldn't believe that he was going to be arrested. We had been so distant lately, but there was no way I was letting my brother go to jail.

"No, let him go!" I launched forward and because I had stood so still and silent, no one expected it and there was no one to stop myself as I started pulling on Shoupe's shirt and hitting him. Instantly he let go of JJ and tried to grab my arms, but I just kept hitting.

"Cassie, stop!" JJ yelled, but couldn't do anything with his hands in handcuffs. Pope was frozen in place and Kie looked on helplessly. Mr. Heyward was the only one to act, but he was only successful at stopping me momentarily. "Cass, please, don't!" JJ was begging me, but it was like all the emotions I had shoved down were coming out at once.

I felt the cool metal on my wrist before I heard it snap shut. "Cassie Maybank, you're under arrest for assaulting a police officer." Shoupe was out of breath, but was able to use my handcuffed hand as leverage to pull it behind my back and secure the other side of the cuff to my other wrist.

"You can't do that!" JJ yelled.

"Both of you, just calm down, this is not helping," Mr. Heyward cut in.

"I'm just going to take her down to the station to cool off. If she cooperates, she can go free when your dad comes to get you." Shoupe said, while pushing me into the back of his truck. I stopped fighting, both because it wasn't worth it and because I just realized how much trouble we were both in. JJ slid in next to me and we shared a look, knowing the wait in jail was going to be nothing compared to what our dad was going to do to us when he picked us up.

A/N: This is set in season 1 and is before he goes psycho.

"What are you doing here?" He asked with a smirk, not moving from his spot on the couch.

"Looking for the real party, can you help?" I crossed my arms over my chest, which also helped conceal my shaking hands. I was trying not to think about how low and desperate I was, seeking help from Rafe Cameron.

"Damn, I thought you were too good for us, or is it cool now that Sarah has replaced you so you thought you'd go dark side?" I tried to keep my face neutral, not showing how truthful his words were.

"Do you actually care? I'm here to buy some coke, if you're not selling, I'll go somewhere else."

"$100 a bag." He leaned back with a smirk, knowing full well I couldn't pay that. "First one's free with a little quality time."

"No way in hell," I scoffed.

"I'm not a perv, just hang here with me for a little while, answer some questions, and I'll give you the bag for free, I'll even show you how to hit a line, unless you already learned that from your dad." I pushed away the thought, I wasn't like him, I was just going to take a little something so I didn't feel so crappy. Just this once.

"Fine," I conceded, plopping down on the couch next to him.

"First, why are you doing this?" He asked as he cut the lines with a credit card that probably had a limit high enough to purchase our house.

"Since when are you interested in my life, thought you didn't associate with Pogues."

"Only the boring ones. Plus, that was the deal sweetheart, coke for questions." He held out a rolled up $20, but pulled it back slightly when I reached for it. His eyebrow quirked, waiting for my answer.

"Because I'm lonely." I answered, taking the bill from him and quickly snorting the entire line.

My nose immediately burned and my hand flew up to cover it, feeling sure it would start bleeding at any moment.

"Here, it helps" Rafe offered me his glass of whiskey that I was fairly sure would only help by making me drunk, but at the moment that sounded great, so I accepted.

"Does your dad hit you?" He asked after I finished off the glass.

I poured more into the glass and drank some before I answered. "Yeah."

"Guess we have some things in common." I turned toward him in shock. "My dad's just as much of a dick, he just hides it better with money."

This time, I didn't bother to pour more into the glass, I just drank some from the bottle and passed it to him without a response.

"I'm sorry your friends treat you like shit." He passed the bottle back to me.

"I'm sorry your dad's a dick." I replied, taking another sip.

We sat in silence for a while, just passing the bottle back and forth. I wasn't really sure when I passed out, but when I woke up I was laying in a bed, under the covers. My head felt like it was going to explode before I even opened my eyes. I groaned, really regretting my idea to get drunk and high.

"Don't ask what's in it, just drink." I opened my eyes to see Rafe Cameron wearing only boxers and holding a very suspiciously colored liquid. I immediately looked down to see if I was still wearing clothes. "I told you I'm not a perv. I slept over there." He pointed to a window seat with lots of fluffy pillows and a blanket.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I asked, taking the cup from his hand.

"Because you're sad and lonely. It's not really fun to pick on people that are already sad and lonely." He smirked and I glared at him. "Drink." He tilted the cup towards my mouth and despite the lingering worry that he might be poisoning me, I drank.

"That's awful," I coughed after only a small sip.

"Well, thats why you shouldn't do drugs or drink underage."

"You supplied me with both."

"Only because you asked. Now you should finish that and then I'll drive you home." He turned and walked toward his closet.

I sipped some more of the awful drink and tried not to stare at him. Rafe Cameron, evil rich kook. Who also happened to be really attractive, athletic, and apparently even kind of nice.

"You know, you're pretty hot yourself." He said, turning around quickly and catching me staring. I ignored him and continued finishing the drink.

"Come on, I'll drive you home." He unceremoniously pulled the blankets off me and didn't even wait for me to answer before going to the door.

"You just want to rub this in JJ's face." I accused, despite following him out to his car.

He turned around so suddenly I didn't have time to stop so I just bumped into his chest.

"There are certain benefits, yes." He smirked and looked me up and down.

"You're dropping me at my house, not the Chateau." I demanded as I climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

"Fine."

"Fine," I shot back childishly causing him to laugh. It took me a few minutes to realize we were in fact going to the Chateau and not my house. "What the hell, Rafe?"

"Relax, I'll park down the street, but I'm not dropping you off to be alone with your dad."

"You're a lot less confusing when you're just being an asshole."

"Maybe you'll have to come back again." His tone was light, but he sounded like he meant it. "You actually aren't all that awful." HE parked and I sat frozen for a few moments.

"Thanks, Rafe." I said before opening the door and getting out. "You're not terrible, either." I added before closing the door and walking toward the Chateau. I couldn't help but peek over my shoulder one last time and to my surprise he was still parked in the same spot watching me walk off. I turned back around and smiled a little to myself.

My head was spinning, trying to reconcile the terrible man I thought only existed with me and the monster that was now becoming public. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he was right, maybe she was lying, but it was quickly squashed when I heard my sister speak. Her voice was quiet and shaky when she first stepped forward.

"She isn't lying." I watched her square her shoulders quickly and take a breath before speaking again with a little more confidence. "He-" Her voice caught in her throat and my heart clenched painfully, desperately wanting to comfort my sister. "He raped me."

My entire world collapsed in that moment. Everyone else fell away and I could only see her. The whispers of the crowd sounded a million miles away. She wasn't looking at me or anyone really, but out into the crowd. It wasn't possible. My father was a terrible man, but only to me. Surely she would've told me if he was hurting her. Or I would've just known.

Her scream cut through my thoughts and I jolted back into the moment. He was attacking her, his hands wrapped around her throat and she was terrified. The guards got to her before I did, their hesitation only momentary as they considered should they protect their King or their Princess. When I reached her I put myself between the two of them, addressing the guards, but aiming my hatred at my father.

"Take him away." I commanded and they obeyed instantly.

I followed them with my eyes, but my gaze froze when I caught a glimpse of my mother. She was watching him and she looked entirely unaffected. I took a steadying breath to quell the rage building in me and turned to the shocked people before us.

"Please give us some time to speak and then I will return to address what will happen next." I had never spoken with such authority, but in this moment I was the leader of these people. "Ms. Safin thank you for your bravery and I would like to speak with you after I speak with my family, if that would be alright with you?" She nodded. "Thank you." I gave a quick nod to the people before turning my back to them and facing my mother and sister. I gestured for my mother to go first and she did with an unchanging expression. Then, I looked to my sister who was staring at the wall with teary eyes and a slight tremble in her body. "I-"

She turned to me and took my hand. "I know," she whispered.

I kept her hand in mine as we followed after our mother.

Once the door was shut behind us, I turned toward our mother, who was smoothing the skirt of her dress. "Tell me you didn't know about any of this."

"Nikolai, you need to temper your emotions. It does not do well for the people to see their leader acting irrationally. They-"

"Irrationally?" I repeated incredulously. "Mother, even if you don't care about Ms. Safin, though I would hope you do, what about your daughter?"

"We can handle this as a family, they do not need to know about simple family matters." Her voice remained cordial and even, as if she were discussing a normal diplomatic issue.

"Your husband was just escorted away by the guards after choking your daughter. You cannot possibly tell me that your only concern is what people might think."

"I need to go and speak with your father to decide what we will do. I suggest the two of you decide what you need to do to make yourselves calm and presentable."

"No, you can go speak to him, but first you will answer one question: did you know what he was doing?" I stared at her, already expecting her answer, but still shocked by the coolness of her words.

"It has been a difficult time for our country and your father was under a lot of stress. He-"

"You will both surrender your titles and you will be gone in two days. You will never return and you will never contact anyone ever again or he will face charges for his crimes that will be punished by death." This time, my tone matched hers.

She paled, "Nikolai, you cannot possibly believe this woman who poisoned your father."

"She will be held accountable for her crimes, but she will also be given the care that she deserves. You need to leave, now."

She scoffed, but departed without another word.

When I turned toward my sister, she was staring at the doorway our mother had just left with silent tears streaming down her face. The bruise forming around her throat stood out against her pale skin.

"Are you okay?" I asked, though it seemed like an obvious question, I wasn't sure what else to say.

She swiped the tears away and spoke only with the slightest tremble in her voice. "We should speak to Ms. Safin and the others now. Then we need to address the people, to let them know what you've decided. You should have more guards now that you're the king."

"I may be the king, but I will never be a king like him." I stood in front of her, so she had to look at me. "I will care for the people, but you, my sister, will always come first."

Her entire life, she had been taught to be this perfect little princess and always be put together, but in this moment her walls broke and she fell forward against my chest in sobs. I immediately held her tight and did my best to comfort her. I never should've left her and I never would have if I'd known what she was going through. We were in the middle of a war and over the course of just a few days we lost our brother and I had banished our parents, but I knew that I was going to protect her.

I woke up to pounding on my door that was quickly getting louder and more impatient, so there was no avoiding it. I groaned and rolled out of bed, pulling a robe on before going down the stairs.

"I'm coming," I said impatiently, but even that didn't stop the knocking until I yanked the door. "Finn? What the hell are you doing here, it's the middle of the night?" Suddenly more aware of the lack of clothing, I pulled my robe tighter around myself.

"This was in your mail," he held up a piece of parchment with a black hand stamped across the front of it.

"You went through my mail?" I questioned incredulously.

"It's a threat, from the Italian mafia, everyone in my family got one, so we are all going back to Small Heath." He continued as if I hadn't just caught him in the midst of a crime.

"I work for you, I'm not part of your family." I shot back.

"We've been friends our whole lives and clearly they think you're close enough to us to threaten, so you're coming with us, Tommy said to get you and come back to the house." He straightened up, trying to look tough, but it only made me giggle.

"Friends is a bit of a stretch, don't you think?"

"Will you just shut up and get in the car?" He growled.

"Or what, you'll shoot me?" I challenged, eyeing his gun.

"No, but I'm not above kidnapping, so get your stuff and let's get out of here before someone else shoots the both of us." This time, he didn't give me room to respond, just pushed past me and started walking up the stairs to my bedroom.

"Unbelievable," I muttered, glaring at his back, but shutting the door and following him.

He was already putting my clothes in a bag when I walked in.

"Excuse me, who the hell said you could go through my clothes!" I yelled at him, becoming increasingly more aggravated.

"I've seen a lot more than just your panties," he stopped and looked me over with a smirk.

"A mistake that will never happen again." I turned to gather a few more items and hide my cheeks which were burning and no doubt very flushed.

He carried my bags out to Tommy's car once we were done. I begrudgingly followed him and got in the car. As much as I couldn't stand Finn, the mafia wasn't something to mess with and anything that freaked out Tommy was something I was petrified of.

We were both silent for the first few minutes, then, finding the silence unbearable, I reached my hands into his coat pockets and started searching.

"What are you doing?" He gripped the steering wheel tightly and glanced at me before quickly looking back to the road.

"Looking for these." I said, pulling out his cigarette case and grabbing one for myself.

"Just help yourself, yeah?"

"You show up at my house in the middle of the night telling me the mafia is trying to kill me and I now have to go back to Small Heath with you. I think I'm entitled to a smoke." I took a long drag, tilted my head back and exhaled.

"Not my ideal evening either, dear." He retorted, pulling the cigarette from my lips and taking a drag himself before handing it back. Neither one of us said anything else until he was standing in the doorway of a room at Tommy's house. "You can stay here for tonight."

"Got any whisky? Might as well enjoy the finer things before I die." I said dramatically. He set my bags down and returned with a bottle of whisky.

I was already laying on the bed, so he took off his shoes and lay down next to me, handing me the bottle after taking a swig.

"I don't remember inviting you into my bed."

"Technically, it's Tommy's bed." I scoffed and then took a deep chug, coughing lightly after I swallowed.

"These Italians, why do they want to kill you?" I asked, passing the bottle back to him.

"We killed his dad and brother, so now, Luca Changretta wants to kill our whole family."

"And me."

"You're part of our family, no matter how much you hate me, you'll always be part of our family." We had both drank far too much whisky.

"I'm scared." I whispered, taking another big sip and trying to fight back the tears.

"We won't let anything happen to you. I promise." He looked over at me, "I won't let anything happen to you."

"We said we weren't going to do this again." I reminded him as he leaned in closer.

"I've said a lot of things I don't mean." I could feel him smirking against my lips. Mere seconds later he was kissing me and shortly after attempted to swing his leg over mine, only succeeding in spilling the whisky all over me.

"Tommy's going to be pissed." I laughed.

"Then, we better not waste it," he grinned, moving his head down my neck and licking the whisky off my skin.

"I'm going to find him," I said, not leaving any room for an argument as I ran off and quickly lost Remus in the chaos of the battle around us. I remembered Harry saying he was meeting Dumbledore at the Astronomy Tower, so I made my way there first.

I knew it was stupid to run off on my own when I was one of the main reasons why there were Death Eaters attacking our school, but I wasn't about to leave my brother alone. We had lost too much already.

He must've been waiting for me, because I barely had time to stop. My intention was to take cover on the other side of the wall, but I didn't even take a full step backward before I was hit with the full body-bind curse. The pain reverberated through my skull as it collided with the floor and my wand clattered to the side.

"Stupid girl," he growled, stalking over to kneel by my side. I knew it wasn't a full moon, but unlike Remus, his savagery was not limited to that one night. I was his prey and I was unable to do anything to protect myself. "Such a pity, I won't be able to turn you into one of us. Your father was so understanding of his dear friend, do you think your brother would feel the same? What of your friends and all the others who think you're their savior? Do you think they will still worship you if you're a monster?" His finger turned on it's side and he slashed a shallow cut against my cheek. Slowly, his fingers trailed across my throat and over my collarbone before stopping. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek as he leaned close to my ear to whisper, "perhaps, I shall return soon to finish the deed." The curse lifted just in time for me to scream and convulse as he tore through my skin, slowly dragging his claws from just below my collarbone across my chest. My hands flew up to grab onto his arm, but it was futile, I was already dizzy and disoriented. The pain was horrible, black spots danced across my blurry vision.

I saw a flash of red hair and felt the pressure on my chest subside, but the pain did not.

"Ron, get her to Madame Pomfrey!" I recognized the voice of Bill, Ron's eldest brother.

The second he lifted me into his arms, I whimpered in pain, "I'm sorry, just hold on." He carefully carried me along and thanks to the the liquid luck he had consumed earlier that night, every spell shot past us harmlessly."Please, be okay." He muttered under his breath, glancing down at me every few seconds. The black spots closed in from the corners of my vision and his voice faded further away as I passed out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lights were dim in the hospital wing, but I still had to blink to clear my blurry vision. Slowly the shapes around me more clearly became people. Harry was on one side of me holding my head while his head rested against Ron’s as they both slept. Remus was slumped in a chair on the other side and Hermione was in another chair next to him.

Every other time I had woken up in the hospital wing, the pain had at least somewhat subsided. This time, the moment I shifted in bed the pain came flooding back and I cried out. All four of them jolted awake at the sound and I heard the rushed footsteps of what must be Madame Pomfrey.

“Don’t you move. Those wounds are quite nasty and unfortunately the only thing you can do to heal them is rest.” Madame Pomfrey was scolding me before she reached my bed. “I told this lot, they could have a few minutes with you once you woke up but after that they need to clear out so that you can rest.” She was holding out a spoon to me, which I eyed suspiciously. “Tonic for the pain, dear. Drink up.” I obeyed and was grateful at how quickly it began working. “Fifteen minutes.” She said, pointing the spoon at each person before walking away.

“You can stop staring,” I muttered, feeling the weight of the four pairs of eyes on me. When I looked up, I knew something horrible had happened that had nothing to do with what happened to me. “What happened?”

“You need to rest,” Remus spoke first, but I heard Hermione sniffle quietly.

I looked over at Ron and Harry, both of them were hesitant to answer. “Tell me!” I demanded, ignoring the pain in my chest.

“Dumbledore,” Harry took a shaky breath and tightened his grip on my hand. “When we came back they were waiting for us. Malfoy was supposed to kill him, but he couldn’t, so Snape did.”

“What, that’s not, Dumbledore can’t be-“ the pain increased as did my breathing. I tried to sit up again, but this time Remus stopped me.

“That’s enough. This poor girl needs rest and so do you. You can return in the morning,” Madame Pomfrey came in, but this time I noticed her voice didn’t have the same edge it normally did and her eyes were puffy.

“Can Remus stay a bit longer, please?” I begged.

She seemed to understand and nodded. “Very well, but you are not to try to move again.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Harry and Hermione gave me gentle hugs, but when Ron came over, I stopped him. “Thanks for saving me,” I said sheepishly. He flushed red and nodded. “Can you ask Bill to come tomorrow so I can thank him as well?” I didn’t miss the change in his expression.

“Bill, is here too. Greyback got him across the face,” I recoiled instantly. “But it wasn’t your fault.” He added quickly. “He’ll be alright, Madame Pomfrey said he can leave tomorrow.” He could see this wasn’t helping, so he tried again, “don’t go getting a big head or anything, we all would’ve done it for anyone, you’re not anything special.” I didn’t smile, but he didn’t miss the corners of my mouth twitching. “I’ll be back in the morning, get some rest.”

I sat in silence when they left. I knew I wanted to talk to Remus but I wasn’t sure what to say.

“What did he say to you?” He asked, scooting slightly closer.

I bit my lip, unsure of how I wanted to answer that.

“Weren’t you the one who said it’s the person who decides the fate, not the monster?”

“He asked if I thought people would be understanding and still fight for us if I was a werewolf. I know you aren't a monster, but even before, I'm not always sure people would follow me if Harry weren't around. I just screw things up all the time and even now, if I weren't so stupid and reckless, if I would've just stayed with everyone else, then Bill never would've been attacked. If I would've listened to Harry instead of trying to convince him Malfoy wasn't a Death Eater maybe Dumbledore would still be alive. Harry is the one who saves people and I'm the one who gets them killed." I felt the tears burning my eyes, but I really didn't want to cry.

"You are 16 years old and you have an enormous burden that most people will never understand. Harry is certainly very brave, but your kindness, isn't something to be underestimated. I still think you are right about Malfoy, I don't think he wants to be a Death Eater and as for Bill, he protected you because he cares for you, though I might add I think Ron cares for you quite a bit more." His eyes glinted mischievously and I blushed. "You are a remarkably gifted witch who has had a hard life, but people will fight for you because you truly care for them. I know I've told you before, but your parents would be proud of the girl you've become."

"Thank you," I said.

"Now, I'm going to get out of here before Madame Pomfrey puts me in a bed herself. Get some sleep." He bent down to hug me and even though it hurt, I was grateful.

"Oh, hi, Gina." I said, trying to at least somewhat disguise the distaste in my voice.

"I was just going to have some tea while Michael finishes the meeting. Would you like to join me?" I wanted to punch her in the face, but I knew Tommy would rather I kept a close eye on her, so instead I forced a smile and followed her into the hotel.

"Thank you," I said when she handed me the cup of tea.

"I appreciate you joining me, I know that I didn't come here on the best of terms and most of you think I'm manipulating Michael, but I just want to have the opportunity for you to really get to know me." She sat down next to me on the couch with a warm smile.

I still didn't trust her, but she was at least trying, so it was only fair if I gave her a small chance.

"We are just a really close family and a lot of people want to hurt us, so we have to be careful." I took another deep sip of the tea, while she gave a light laugh.

"I've never met anyone like this family. It's as if you're untouchable. You certainly have made quite a few enemies, do you think it might be because you guys are really the enemy." Her voice was just as light, but her eyebrow was quirked.

I took another sip of the tea and felt slightly fuzzy, having to blink a few times before answering. "I-" My mouth was so dry, I took another sip of tea trying to clear it, but the moment I swallowed the tea the cup and saucer fell to the carpet.

My brain was so foggy. I shook it lightly trying to clear it, blinking rapidly, but nothing was working, I could barely keep my eyes open. I looked up at Gina who was smirking.

"Not so untouchable now are you?" She taunted as my body went limp against the couch and my eyes fell shut.

Finn's POV

John burst through the door causing me to tip over the glass of whiskey. Before I could say a word, he grabbed the collar of my jacket and threw me against the wall, immediately getting in my face and screaming. “You told Billy didn’t you!”

“What the hell are you on about?” I already knew what he was talking about, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him.

“He took your sister, bet you didn’t think about, eh? Just whores and snow that’s all you give a shit about now. Didn’t think about anyone else when you were running your mouth to your new best friend, did you?” He slammed my head back, hard. I had never seen him this angry. I looked around the room at each of my brothers who were doing nothing to stop him and then I saw Ada and what he said hit me.

“No, I-I saw her, she left right before me, said she had to go pick something up, but she would meet me there. I thought-“

“You didn’t think!” Arthur was the one yelling now. “I told you not to trust him and you didn’t listen.”

“How do you know Mosley took her, maybe she’s just-“ I stopped, trying to think of some excuse why she wouldn’t be here.

“We checked everywhere, but nothing.” Michael walked into the office with his wife, Gina. “No one’s seen her since she left here.”

“I didn’t know, I swear! I only said we were going to kill the facist, nothing else!” I felt the tears welling up, I couldn’t believe I had put my little sister in danger. I truly thought I could trust Billy.

“John let him go, it wasn’t him.” Tommy said, speaking up for the first time.

“He told Billy!” John argued.

“He told Billy right before both of them left, that was barely two hours before the assassination was planned. There’s no way he could’ve figured out all the details, gotten men in place to take out Barney and kidnap her in that time.”

“So it’s not my fault?” I asked weakly. Tommy shook his head.

“No, someone else betrayed us.” Tommy sighed, sitting back onto the couch and rubbing a hand over his face.

“It doesn’t matter who betrayed us, who took her and where the bloody hell is she?” Ada yelled.

“Whoever betrayed us is the same person who took her. We figured that out and then we figure out where she is. We will get her back.” He reassured her. “Finn, you and Isaiah go with Michael to find Billy, he may not have been the one who betrayed us but he may be able to find out who did. Polly, you take Ada and Gina back to the house stay there with Esme, Lizzie, and the kids. John and Arthur you’re with me. We are going to work as a family and find our sister.”

Once we found Billy, after looking for an entire day, and brought him back to the Garrison to ask him questions, we all decided it would be best if I went to the office with my brothers while they questioned him. I knew they were going to beat him and his was my friend, but if he had any part in my sister going missing, I didn't care what they did to him.

I arrived at the office the same time as Johnny Dogs, so we both walked straight back to Tommys office where the three of them were sitting and talking.

"I told you to stay with Isaiah and Michael." Tommy scolded.

"They're questioning Billy now and we figured it's best I was here to help you guys."

"Very well. Johnny?" He turned to face Johnny.

"I did what you asked, but now one has seen her since she was with Gina," he replied.

"You mean Finn." Arthur corrected.

"No, the last time I saw her was after she left with Finn, she was going into the hotel with Gina."

"Why the fuck wouldn't you mention this before?" John fumed.

"I thought I told you. I didn't think it was worth mentioning twice."

"You don't think Gina had anything to do with it, do you?" I asked.

"What do we know about her? She showed up with Michael just before I met Mosley. She's been pulling him away and trying to pull this family apart." Tommy processed out loud. "Johnny, I need you to go to the house and watch over the women, grab Isaiah and Michael from the Garrison. You can tell Isaiah, but do not let Michael know. Either you or Isaiah must be with Gina at all times, but don't tip her off." He nodded at Tommy and then headed off.

"Finn," I snapped to attention, looking toward him immediately, "relax, this is not your fault. I told you we are going to get her back."

"Tommy, it's been nearly two days and all we know is that it was likely someone in this family that was the mole that handed her over to some psycho who is probably torturing her right now. How is that getting her back" I was desperate and no matter what Tommy said, I was the last person who saw her, I should've gone with her. "I can't lose her Tommy, you made me promise to protect her and I told you I would."

"Finn, you were a kid when I said that. You're barely adults. I promise you we will bring her home soon." His hands were on my shoulders as he spoke and then he pulled me into a hug, something he hadn't done since we were little. It helped, but all I could think of was what was happening to my sister.

Shelby sister POV

My head was throbbing and it took a few minutes before I could open my eyes. When I did I saw a blurry figure sitting across from me. After blinking several times it slowly became clear that it was not just one person, but two, one directly across from me and one off to the side. I immediately zeroed in on the second person sending her the best death glare I could manage with my head feeling as though it was going to explode.

"You evil little bitch." I spat, though she didn't even flinch.

"Go be with your husband, Gina. I will contact you when it's time." She quietly obeyed, smirking at me as she shut the door behind herself. My glare turned to the person standing in front of me. "Miss. Shelby, it's a pleasure to get to know you a bit better."

"It would be a bit more of a pleasure if I wasn't drugged and trapped in a cell." I sassed.

He grinned broadly and leaned forward on his knees. "I admire you. Two days trapped in a cell completely at my mercy and you still manage to keep that fire." Two days? My stomach rumbled painfully, confirming what he said. "Ah yes, I thought you might want some food and water." He stood up and walked to the door, going through it and getting a glass of water and a plate of food, before calmly walking back over to me. He carefully set the food on the floor between us, a juxtaposition to his next act, which was violently throwing the glass of water, so that it hit my forehead and shattered. I gasped as several of the shards cut my face and the water drenched me. "Now, would you like to discuss how you can get some food?" His voice was eerily calm.

I couldn't respond for a few moments. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was terrified. He outplayed Tommy, who was the smartest and toughest person I knew. Part of me knew my entire family was searching for me, but I also knew Gina was with them and probably making it as hard as possible. I was scared she would hurt one of them and concerned what Mosley was going to do to me in the time it took them to find me.

"So quick to give up?" He taunted, sparking a small spark of fury in me.

"I don't want anything from you." I growled.

"I'll be back tomorrow to see if you've changed your mind, darling." He stalked over to me, bent down slowly and placed a firm hand under my chin, squeezing tightly. I didn't let him speak, I gathered the minuscule amount of spit from my mouth and put all the force I had behind launching it into his face. None of it hit him, but the act of rebellion was enough to make him shift his hands to my throat. He squeezed tightly and I grabbed feebly at his wrists, desperately trying to create enough space fore me to breathe, but he was unrelenting. "Don't test me. I will not kill you, because I need you alive to torment your brother, but I swear to you, I will make you beg for the mercy of death." He punctuated each of the last three words with a shake of my head. "I will ensure that I give you just enough food and water to keep you on the brink of death, without allowing you the release it would bring you." Black spots danced around his head and just before I thought I was going to pass out, he let go. I fell forward against him, coughing and gasping, trying to ignore the pain in my throat and replenish the oxygen in my lungs. Unceremoniously he stood up letting me fall forward and walked out without another word.

It was winter in Birmingham and Gina apparently had decided I didn't need my coat, just the slim silk dress I had for the speech that evening, so the water I had thrown on me was only adding to shivers that ran through my body, quickly turning into full body tremors. I tried to pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around myself to trap any body heat I had. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing, sometimes turning into soft sobs, which felt like sandpaper scraping the insides of my throat. They're coming. I chanted over and over inside my head. I just had to be patient and last until they came. They were going to walk through that door and I was going to be home, with my family. I am going to survive this.

"Are you sure about that, darling?" I jumped and looked up to find Mosley leering over me. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath trying to push the fear I felt to the side.

"I'm not going to promise you that they will kill you, because once they show up, I will be the one to kill you." My voice was hoarse, but I locked eyes with him meaning every word.

His smile didn't falter in the slightest. He leaned forward and brushed away some of the tears that remained on my cheeks. "I believe you, but the question is, will you be so broken by then that you can never come back?" I flinched back, but had nowhere else to go when his hand trailed from my cheek down my neck and chest.

"Don't touch me," I squeaked, but he only laughed, grabbing the top of my dress and pulling hard, the thin fabric giving way almost immediately. I kicked out hard, but with days of no food or water and nothing but bare feet, it did nothing to detour him.

"Relax, I'm here to offer you a deal first. You seem as though you could really use some food and water." He sat back and pulled some soup from behind him. I involuntarily inhaled the smell, my stomach wrenching painfully. He dipped his thumb into the soup and brought it to my lips, dragging it across the cracks that had long since bled and dried. He pushed slightly and I tried to keep my lips sealed, but I was so hungry it was a losing battle. Eventually I gave way and I wasn't sure what made my stomach turn, the look of victory on his face of the feeling of his finger in my mouth. I hated him and was seething. His own comment from the last time about not giving me food unless he had to was what pushed me to bite down hard on his finger. His reaction was instant, gripping my shoulders and spinning me so that he could pin me to the ground and hover over me. I heard my own scream and the clattering of what must've been the soup spilling. There was no hesitation as he grabbed the bottom of the dress, tearing it easily. I had no strength in my body to fight him, but that didn't' stop me from trying. "I told you, I will break you," he growled in my ear, before biting down hard on my shoulder, tearing another scream from my already raw throat.

Finn's POV

Four days. We knew it was Gina and yet she made no moves to do anything other than sit with our family as we all grew more and more anxious. Tommy was locked alone in his office most of the time, John and Arthur took turns exploding, Isaiah and Michael were out most of the time looking for any clue. We were all desperate to find her, but not even Mosley showed any signs that anything had changed.

The morning of the fifth day, Tommy called all of us into his office.

"Michael, we've been watching Gina the last few days. She was last person seen with her, something she lied to us about." Michael opened his mouth to cut Tommy off, but he held up a hand and he stopped. "She left early this morning and Johnny followed her to a building where Isaiah had followed Mosley to yesterday."

"You found her?" I asked, unable to contain the hope that consumed me.

"The four of us will go to meet Isaiah and Johnny there to find out. Michael you will stay here with the women and Charlie. I need to know now that I can trust you and that you had no part in this."

"I would never hurt her, she's my cousin. I love Gina, and I hope you're wrong, but if you're right, give me the opportunity to ask her why." Michael was uncharacteristically resigned. I think some part of him knew Gina wasn't on his side. The feud between him and Tommy had died out the moment we found out my sister was gone.

Tommy nodded at him and moved toward the door, while the three of us anxiously followed him, ready to go rescue our little sister.

Shelby Sister POV

He left, only to return momentarily with a fresh bowl of soup, some bread and a glass of water. Once he was out of sight, I left forward and inhaled the food, feeling a small amount of strength return. Then, I remembered that food was only going to prolong this hell and it was as if something snapped sobs racking my battered and bruised body. I had no fight left, he was a monster and true to his word, he had broken me. I couldn't do this. My breath was coming in short gasps and getting harder and harder to come by. I was going to die here, all alone and that was the best option. If Mosley kept his promise, he wouldn't let that happen. As ashamed as I was to admit it I wasn't far from begging for death.

I suddenly became aware of a distant voice, but it was the hands on my shoulders that caused a visceral reaction. I was writhing around and screaming, trying to keep him off me. I couldn't let him do that to me again.

"Hey, hey, it's me, it's Finn, you're safe." I froze, sucking in a gasp. The moment I saw it was really him, I threw myself into his arms. "I've got you, I'm here. I won't leave you again. I swear." He held me until I pulled back.

"Where is he?" I asked suddenly.

"He won't hurt you, they're taking care of him, of both of them." Finn answered reassuringly. I caught a glimpse of his gun on the floor between us and picked it up before standing shakily. "What are you doing? It's fine." I didn't give him an answer, I just walked out the door, pulling the strength from eating for the first time in days and the fact that if he was going to hold true to his promise, then so would I. "Wait!" Finn called out, presumably chasing after me, but I didn't slow down.

I heard the sound of yelling and followed it into an open room, just down the hall from where I was being held. John was holding Mosley by the collar, his face pouring blood. I didn't say a word or pay attention to the eyes on me. When I reached them I shoved John to the side with one hand, cocking the gun with the other and before anyone could stop me I point it between his eyes and fired. I didn't stop firing until John pulled the gun from my hand.

I felt someone slip a jacket over my shoulders, but I didn't look away from the monster that I had killed. Part of me knew I was supposed to feel bad for killing someone, something I had never done, but I was completely numb. I kept my promise and killed him, but he was right, I felt completely broken.

I had nearly fallen asleep when I felt him lift my head off his chest and place it on to the pillow. My eyes stayed closed while I heard him shift slowly out of the bed. When I heard his belt scraping on the floor, I peeked over at him, trying to ignore the twisting of my heart or the hot shame creeping up on my cheeks as he put his clothes back on and quietly disappeared from my room without a second glance.

Once the door shut behind him I fell back against the pillow and as hard as I tried, I couldn't fight back the tears. I didn't want to cry over a guy, but I thought Isaiah and I were more than that. We had been sneaking around for nearly six months. It used to be late night dates with whispers and giggles, but somewhere along the line the dates stopped and we skipped right to the sex. Now, he barely even stays after and he doesn't even say goodbye.

I rolled over to the side where Isaiah just left, it was still warm and smelled like him. As my tears fell against the sheets, I inhaled the scent of whisky and tobacco with a hint of mint. I hated him and yet I wanted nothing more than for him to walk back through my door.

When the next morning came, Esme was already up and had breakfast ready for the kids who were running around outside while John slept in. Finn wasn't downstairs either, so I assumed he was sleeping or hadn't come home.

"Rough night?" She asked, pouring a cup of coffee and setting it at the seat nearest to where she was working on the stove.

"Why would you say that?" I asked, picking up the cup and blowing on it softly before taking a small sip.

"You look like you've been crying or drinking," she paused, "or both." She teased.

I sighed and bit my lip, even her mentioning it made me want to cry again and I hated it. Since when did a stupid boy have this much control over me.

"Oh, darling." She cooed, seeing right through the facade I was attempting to put up. Ignoring the food cooking on the stove, she sat in the chair next to me and pulled me into a hug.

I was still a child when Ada moved out, but I was always close to John and even more so when he met Esme, who was the woman I aspired to be. She was tough and not afraid to speak her mind, but fiercely protective and cared deeply for anyone she considered family. She and John offered to take in Finn and I to keep us both away from the constant fighting of our family and give Tommy and Grace some time to enjoy their married life.

"He's not awful." I said after a few moments, feeling the need to defend him for some reason. "That's why it sucks so much, he really seemed to care in the beginning. He was always sneaking me flowers and my favorite treats. We would talk for hours-"

"Oh I'm aware, I heard him quite a few times." She smiled knowingly, "though I could never catch him to find out the mystery boy who had stolen your heart."

"Does John-" She cut me off with a laugh and shake of her head.

"Good. Can we keep it that way?" I looked at her hopefully and she brought her hand to my cheek.

"Of course, if you tell me what happened while I finish breakfast. No arguing unless you want to risk John waking up and joining the conversation."

I huffed, but I would've told her anyways. "Well, we started to you know," I felt my cheeks flush and took another sip of my coffee before continuing. "It was wonderful at first, well not completely, but you know, anyways, I didn't think it would change anything, but then all of a sudden he stopped bringing me gifts or dinner. It was just sex and then he would sneak out right after. Last night, he wouldn't even look at me. He just left when he thought I was asleep. I really care for him, Esme, but lately I just feel like his whore." I whispered the last word, feeling humiliated.

"Have you talked to him about this? Told him how awful he is being and if he continues you will cut him." I laughed, brushing away the tears, but shook my head.

"I can't really talk to him outside of my room." I said carefully, hoping she wouldn't guess it was Isaiah I was talking about.

"Because it's someone we know, or more specifically your brothers know?" She pressed, but I was thankfully saved by John bursting into the kitchen and in one swoop taking my coffee and planting a kiss on Esme.

"Oi! Get your own coffee!" I complained, reaching out to hit him, but he swiftly moved to the other side of Esme, took a sip and promptly spit it back into the cup before handing it back to me.

"Esme!" I pleaded, but had barely gotten out her name before she smacked him upside the head.

"I thought you're supposed to be my wife, there by my side through anything?"

"Go get your children and tell them breakfast is ready." She said, pulling another cup off the shelf and then shoving him toward the door. As soon as he passed through the door frame, she took my cup and poured the contents into the empty cup before placing it at Johns seat and pouring me a fresh cup of coffee with a wink. I laughed and happily took a sip of the warm coffee, waiting patiently for John to come back and get a taste of his own spit.

Later that evening I was sat in the same chair while Esme carefully curled my hair with the hot tongs from the stove. "We are going to make sure that boy regrets ever leaving your bed." She said confidently.

I picked at the edge of my dress and wished I felt half as confident as Esme. "I really love him, Es. I love him and he broke my heart. I feel so humiliated."

"Well, tonight you aren't to think of him even for a moment. Tonight, you are going to dance and enjoy yourself. Then, we will find a time when you're brothers aren't around that you can tell him off." She carefully pinned the last curl in place before coming around to inspect her work. "You are absolutely beautiful and the most wonderful girl anyone could ask for. He is a right fool for not seeing that."

I was trying to do as Esme said, but that was rather difficult when I saw him walking over to me in a fine cut suit that took my breath away. I turned away and was going to go find a corner to hide, but he caught my wrist before I could go too far.

"John told me to dance with you." He said in a soft voice.

"Glad you're doing as you're told. Wouldn't want you to be here for any other reason," I accused, angrily turning to face him only to find him looking nervously down at me.

"He told me to dance with you and stay by your side tonight because some boy broke your heart that he made you feel humiliated and he wanted to make sure that boy never went near you again. Said he's going to kill him and throw him in the Cut once he finds out who it is." His voice was tense and low, but his eyes never left my face. "

"John needs to mind his own damn business, I told Esme that. Why don't you just do what you're getting really great at and leave. Someone will notice if we sneak off, so you're going to have to wait until tonight." I pulled free of him, but froze when I heard him call out an apology. "Do you even know what you're apologizing for?" I accused, trying to keep my voice down so people around us wouldn't hear, but it was nearly impossible.

"Dance with me, one song and let me explain, then if you want, you can go tell your brothers it was me." He offered me his hand and being the lovesick girl I was, I took it and followed him to where everyone was dancing. He put his free hand on the small of my back and softly pushed me toward him. I squeezed my eyes shut to push away the butterflies that plagued me anytime we were close. He took a deep breath and started to move us to the beat of the song.

"Am I your whore?" I asked quietly before he could explain anything.

"I-what?" He sputtered, clearly not expecting that. "No, I-is that how you feel?" I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded. He let go of my hand and put his fingers under my chin and lifted my face to look at him. I was panicking, thinking of all the people around us that could see, mainly any of my brothers. "You are fiery and bold, sometimes even a little too tough, but what I love most about you is the parts of you that you let me see when it's just us. Your wit and your kindness. The dreams you have of living a quiet life with lots of kids like John and Esme. All your secret drawings that you never let anyone other than Esme see. You think that you aren't as valuable as your brothers because you can't fight or work numbers like Ada and Michael, but you don't see the way that you make everyone else feel at ease the moment you walk into a room. I cannot imagine anyone more perfect and I want you to have the life you dream of, but I know I can't give that to you. We have no money, anything I get is from the business. I was so selfish, trying to stop the feelings I have fore you, but stay with you at the same time. I am so sorry I hurt you or ever made you feel like anything less than you deserve."

I blinked. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn't that. I had no idea what to say, no one had ever cared for me that much. So, instead of saying anything I grabbed the lapel of his jacket and pulled him into a kiss. Just a quick, soft kiss, but it said everything I wanted to say.

"Next time, don't be an idiot and just tell me." I teased, pulling back slightly.

"Yes, Miss. Shelby." He gave a mock bow before pulling me back into a dance with a wide grin.

I glanced over to where John was, praying he hadn't seen, only to find him next to Esme with matching smirks across their faces as they watched us.

"They set us up!" I cried indignantly.