Take me dancing like we’re in a barn

citizens I checked the weather app and apparently there's one more day before the storm

anne hears people talking about women who “sail with Rackham” in whispers, so she storms up to jack like “what the fuck are you planning with all these people?? without telling me??” and jack is just like “???? i’ve never heard of those ladies in my life” while max is just giggling in the background because She Knows that jack’s legacy is being the Let’s Go Lesbians guy

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

I have just combined all rice in the world into a single rouse

[about to be dropped into the shark tank] hey is the water cold?

at least the colour green exists

an ao3 author is never late, nor are they early; they post precisely when they mean to

Angel on my left shoulder telling me to do good. Devil on my right shoulder telling me to do bad. Rat on my head teaching me how to cook

it should be illegal for things in drawers to accumulate dust. you were IN the drawer WHAT is your problem

Stop, drop, and roll also works when you are wet. It sort of spreads the water over the floor

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

"don't assign human morality to non human things" is so true except when it comes to printers. they know what they are, they understand dilemmas and ethics and morality. they choose to be how they are, they choose to be evil, at their very core they are rotten

there is always some fucking laundry and dust and some other shit

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books