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H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hi

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I like to go through my reposts and I think “oh I like this/this relates to me” and then I realize that I reposted it because of that
getting through school drunk is such a weird way to blur out everything and ruin people's perception of you
GASP DOUBLE MIKU (let's get that maretu miku drawing to 92 likes 😂)
It's been over 10 years since I stopped playing the violin, and I am only just now realizing what a horrible, terrible relationship I had with that instrument.
The fact that my parents spent... God... minimum $5000 a year for me to engage with this hobby, for me to feel nothing but stress and resentment for it? Unhinged. Why did we do that to ourselves?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I had a musical education. I'm so glad that as an adult I can read music, sing skillfully, harmonize and write basic songs. I don't regret the friendships I made through my participation in various orchestras and music camps. And there were certainly moments of joy, particularly when I was making music with friends.
But I could have had all that without feeling sick every Tuesday night on the way to my lesson. I didn't have to do the competitions. I didn't have to feel so much shame for not wanting to practice 3 hours a day. It could have just been fun. I needed an instructor who would have just let it be fun. What a weird, toxic, troubling relationship I had with my instructor. If I saw that happening to a child today, I'd consider calling CPS.
I thought I HAD to be a violinist. I was good at it from a young age, and every adult in my life praised me for it and seemed to want me to pour every ounce of myself into it. I wish just ONE trusted adult had said hey!!! It's ok if you want to do something else! No one will be mad at you if you go into a different career, this time and money was not wasted.

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even worse is the fact that these issues i have.. ARE BECAUSE OF HIM!!!
Hollowed out tree trunk/open cavity in a Sierra juniper (I think!) / Lake Tahoe, NV