Jun 28
getting through school drunk is such a weird way to blur out everything and ruin people's perception of you
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getting through school drunk is such a weird way to blur out everything and ruin people's perception of you
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GASP DOUBLE MIKU (let's get that maretu miku drawing to 92 likes ๐)
It's been over 10 years since I stopped playing the violin, and I am only just now realizing what a horrible, terrible relationship I had with that instrument.
The fact that my parents spent... God... minimum $5000 a year for me to engage with this hobby, for me to feel nothing but stress and resentment for it? Unhinged. Why did we do that to ourselves?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I had a musical education. I'm so glad that as an adult I can read music, sing skillfully, harmonize and write basic songs. I don't regret the friendships I made through my participation in various orchestras and music camps. And there were certainly moments of joy, particularly when I was making music with friends.
But I could have had all that without feeling sick every Tuesday night on the way to my lesson. I didn't have to do the competitions. I didn't have to feel so much shame for not wanting to practice 3 hours a day. It could have just been fun. I needed an instructor who would have just let it be fun. What a weird, toxic, troubling relationship I had with my instructor. If I saw that happening to a child today, I'd consider calling CPS.
I thought I HAD to be a violinist. I was good at it from a young age, and every adult in my life praised me for it and seemed to want me to pour every ounce of myself into it. I wish just ONE trusted adult had said hey!!! It's ok if you want to do something else! No one will be mad at you if you go into a different career, this time and money was not wasted.
even worse is the fact that these issues i have.. ARE BECAUSE OF HIM!!!
Hollowed out tree trunk/open cavity in a Sierra juniper (I think!) / Lake Tahoe, NV
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happy 7 birthday to my son
i woke up yucky this morning and went out into the kitchen to make breakfast and the bread i bought just a few days ago was already getting mold and the thought of wasting the bread money and finding a new breakfast to make and eat made me stand there motionless for 5 minutes spiraling and then i decided my stomach already hurt so id just take two slices from the other end of the loaf if they were fine dont do this and then i made my toast and while sleepily picking up my jar of jam i dragged it through the butter and jam on the toast and then i just stood there for another 5 minutes
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๐ธ paetrisha