What? huh?

basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.

she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.

if you can solve it, you're good. that is the hardest part of the test.

because here's what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they're not dying, they're not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.

a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he'd told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he's at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can't go down there, but he saw the woman go.

instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.

she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

When fascism spikes, we get a two-fold where folks who cannot or will not assimilate are pushed by our oppressors to reconsider, and fellow queer/trans folks become some of the most aggressive enforcers of that “choice” in an attempt to buy safety within the majority.

This shit is why inter-community discourse is not just petty complaints—the refusal to hold solidarity with the weirdest, loudest, most visible queers in our midst is fascist as well as self-destructive. People are being forced into the closet, forced into labels that make others—including queer and trans people—more comfortable, because comfort and conformity becomes the biggest priority for many when shit hits the fan. And these are the scenarios that dont end up with nonbinary people dead.

Me in 2016: I’m still salty about that

one of my favorite things that's happened during my playthrough of Subnautica 2 so far:

this fish, the Marrowbreach, is labelled to be (and upon basic observation, appears to be) very dangerous and aggressive and scary, so a lot of the time spent interacting them is specifically spent avoiding, or trying to escape them. they have a very specific, telegraphed attack where they launch towards the player in a super scary way.

however. i noticed that despite their scary appearance and loud growling noise, they don't actually do much damage when they attack you. and so i thought to myself "am i categorizing this unfamiliar social activity as aggression? am i being reductive towards how this creature actually operates? am i sure it's not just playing with me?"