edgysongquotes

one thing my mentor used to tell me is that the way you let people in your life treat you is a model for the people you love and the people who look up to you for how relationships of all kinds should look. Maybe that was too much pressure, but it was true, and I find myself thinking about that a lot. The relationships the people I love and look up to hold with other people in their life are going to affect me, and their acceptance of being treated poorly is going to affect me too. And, the way I let people treat me is going to model how it's okay to be treated for the people I love in their relationships independent of me. Anyways all this to say I might need to do a little less volunteering 😭💔 or at least stand up for people in situations where their boundaries are being crossed in the moment. Which sucks and is uncomfortable, but kinda necessary.

I sometimes still think abt the guy who told me I was romanticizing suicide by talking about me being suicidal.

one more week until toxic gay vampires one more week until toxic gay vampires one more week until toxic gay vampires

I love Roswell New Mexico it is perfect you cannot convince me otherwise

I've been listening to 679 fettywap and honestly it's fixed my dissociation problem bcuz it sounds nice and it has the n word in it and i know I can't say the n word so it snaps my focus to it every time and like now i feel my body i am paying attention to myself and my surroundings oh my god??

Every now and then i get a crush but like in a friend way, like i really want to befriend this individual, and having loser friends before makes it kinda worse?? Bcuz like I'm so expecting this person to be like "but you're so gross" or "i don't want to be your individual friend but i can tolerate you in a group" or "i only really want to talk to you about magic the gathering" and I'm just so over it

Taking a training i do not need to take is so fun bcuz at least i have something to do all day on a Saturday

I'm losing it gay ppl I AM LOSING IT

"i can't stand them they always have to be right, how can you put up with them??" you see- maybee you have to kinda hate yourself to love people who always have to be right, BUT, *i already* hate myself, and now I'm special for it!! I put my skills to good use!!

sometimes i miss my old friends but then i remember that they actually gaslit me until i went insane and cut me off. Like damn! You forgot my T-day and I was crying in some guy's office, these losers made zero effort with me. Then you're like "idk maybe one day I can be in the same room as them again but what they did in psychosis was just so bad" to everyone but me, about me, but like the psychosis wouldn't have gotten that bad if you hadn't kept gaslighting me, reality testing me and telling me i was in psychosis when I wasn't and telling me i was in denial when I'd explain that literally none of my doctors thought at that point that i was psychotic?? And I'd go to them like "hey my friend's reality testing me again am i in psychosis?" and "hey my friend keeps telling me i need ocd therapy maybe I should?" and like damn my therapist rly went "ignore Evil Man ____ OCD therapy will kill you" bcuz low-key I'm so dissociative it would but like!!! What do you mean!!! And that's before you add in that my psychotic conspiracies once i went into psychosis were mostly not my own!!! Other real people told me insane shit, and i tried to push it away, but the cruelest thing you can do to a CSA kid who blacks out and has unconscious episodes is say that they're being date-raped by their friends and that's why they're passing out and losing time. Or that their medication is causing it and poisoning them. Like that's actually incredibly cruel and fucked up, and I still want to talk things out but like nobody will talk to me bcuz I'm actually evil i guess??