I'm too old for this

Do you ever write a sentence and then realize “Nah, that’s too self aware for you” and backspace a bunch of times.

[ID: tumblr tags reading: *has character development* Woah (all caps)!!! not yet pal /end ID]

GOING TO KILLLLLLLLLLLLL......my shadow self

“People you may know” and it’s the devil from the Bible

sources are saying ohhhhhhhhh brother

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you rationally understand the cause

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

you can have random one sided beef with ANYONE! it’s so beautiful. and it doesn’t cost any money!!!!!!

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.