I'm too old for this

just overheard somwone say "hey dude i dont see the future I've got two balls and neither is made of crystal" and im absolutely losing it

Do you ever write a sentence and then realize “Nah, that’s too self aware for you” and backspace a bunch of times.

[ID: tumblr tags reading: *has character development* Woah (all caps)!!! not yet pal /end ID]

GOING TO KILLLLLLLLLLLLL......my shadow self

“People you may know” and it’s the devil from the Bible

sources are saying ohhhhhhhhh brother

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you rationally understand the cause

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out