I fear women, I fear fish

can we get this guy 1 million notes

asked my students if they wanted to share stories about what they did over spring break and this kid goes "you know the field behind costco?" and we all nod and he says "I got lost in the field behind costco."

Bitch that’s the tubby custard machine 😂 *image depicts a vast monstrous infernal engine using hundreds of spiderlike arms of black iron to shove the writhing bodies of naked, emaciated humans into its blazing maw*

remembering in my biology class last year when the teacher called someone a numbskull then said “sorry, I should be calling you guys ‘gumball’ ‘cause you’re all chewed up” then a guy said “I’m more like the bones in a grave, like it’s just over for me” & none of it made any sense

yo get off your ass i need you to come up front and call a customer the f slur for me i cant reclaim it

#is full optional a thing in English? like when you buy a car and get all the fancy things? (via @gods-keysmash)

it's Tuesday all day today and there's no known way to prevent this

oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though