75 year old Russian grandpa dancing an old traditional navy/sailors dance.
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@duchess-inthe-dark
75 year old Russian grandpa dancing an old traditional navy/sailors dance.
MAN GOES HAM MUST SEE

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the crossover nobody asked for and nobody wanted
okay but
Blue-eyed Songbird (Barris Fic) Helix Waltz
And here it is! The first (I believe) Helix Waltz Fic! Hopefully Barris is mostly in character! I feel he’d either be really charming or really flustered when it came to love but I digress, Please enjoy this testament to my love for Barris!
Magda quietly hummed walking down a particularly fancy street. It wasn’t often she explored by herself. Still, she couldn’t help but admire Finsel’s beauty. Yes, things weren’t good, but the nobles all had a way of hiding the bad. Up the street sat a very familiar home. The Sakan manor stood tall and proud. Rose accents covering much of the house. Magda smiled to herself. She adored the Sakan’s. Juven was kind, if only a little too flirtatious for his own good. Barbara as sweet and innocent as Magda had been when in the slums. Asteria ever graceful and elegant, as quick to compliment, as she is to comply with Juven. Then, there was Barris, Barris Sakan.
Magda couldn’t help but sigh at the thought. Barris was blunt, yet soft-spoken. Stern, but gentle. Kind, patient, and the only man Magda ever felt a true connection to. Magda wondered what her mother would think. Such fantastical desires, would her mother call them ridiculous? That she should remember why she must display herself as charming. Turning away from the grand manor, Magda started her walk home. She couldn’t help but feel hopeless as she walked away. As much as she wanted to please her mother, and help her achieve their goals, Magda wanted to live on her own terms. Oh, to live as a bird! Free as the wind beneath her wings, sweetly singing to whomever she chooses like the songbird. Free to choose where to go and what to do. Magda looked to the sky seeing an eagle soar overhead. True she desired freedom, but with the many dangers a songbird faces, it would be better to sing in a cage yes?
Placing her eyes back in front of her, she saw too late the black and rose coat round the corner. Being violently shoved backwards, Magda let out a squeak of surprise. The stranger let out their own shout. Magda closed her eyes as she fell backwards. She waited for a moment to hit the ground and hear the scolding tones. But instead, she felt a strong grasp around her waist. A low and silvery chuckle brought a blush to Magda’s cheeks,
“You can open your eyes now Lady Ellenstein.” Magda slowly opened her eyes to see Barris, leaning closer than ever. One of his hands lay gently in the small of her back, holding her steady. The other held her hand stopping Barris from falling on top of her. As she regained her footing Magda shuffled backwards and curtsied.
“I’m so sorry Mr. Barris. I wasn’t paying attention and-” Barris gently took his thumb and index finger to her chin and lifted her head. Magda fought back her blush. The sun was shining directly behind Barris, the halo of light managed to get his strawberry blonde hair to glow as he gave a small smile. He looked heavenly,
“Please Lady Ellenstein, the fault is mine. I admit I was distracted by my book. Speaking of which, is on the ground.” Bending down to grab the large tome he carried, Magda felt guilt pool in her stomach. Barris did take the blame but it felt like a polite gesture, a one time save for a naive little girl. Magda shook her head as he rose,
“Oh there must be something I can do to apologize. I know you’ve said it’s your fault, but really Mr. Barris this is both of our faults.” Barris raised a brow. A smirk tugging at his face. He paused then nodded,
“Alright Lady Ellenstein. Perhaps then, could you accompany me home, and we’ll have a nice chat? None of the frivolous niceties of the ball.” His low silvery tones sang sweetly to Magda,
“I can agree to that. Please, lead the way sir.” Barris stuck his arm out and Magda hesitantly hooked her arm around his. Approaching the home once more, Magda was almost giddy. She’d only ever been there for balls and luncheons. Now, she was going there to spend time with Barris? How delightful!
Time flew by as Magda and Barris talked over tea. Barris had seemed most interested in Magda’s comparison of herself to a songbird. He called himself a falcon in all its pride. As the sun began to dip beneath the horizon so to did dark clouds begin rolling in. By the time Magda had to leave; Crack! The thunder clapped, shaking the manor. Magda squeaked and latched onto Barris. She buried her face into his chest. Loud cracks of thunder always made her wary. Although Magda couldn’t see it, Barris had a faint blush over his cheeks. Gently he pat her back,
“Lady Ellenstein? Are you alright?” Magda gasped as she pushed herself away from Barris,
“I’m sorry Mr. Barris! I was frightened, and-” Barris waved his hand as he stood,
“Not to worry. I must admit it startled me as well. Although, you won’t be getting home is this weather.” Magda shook her head standing up, she’d already made a fool of herself twice. She didn’t want to know what Barris was implying,
“No, I’ll be alright Mr. Barris! It’s only a little water!” Barris raised an eyebrow, glancing out the window,
“I respectfully disagree. You’re shaking like a leaf, and Lady Ellenstein,” Another clap of thunder sent Magda flying back to Barris’ side, “it’s most definitely pouring rain. I can’t have you getting sick.” Magda’s stomach fluttered, both with dread and delight. Swallowing the butterflies she timidly agreed. Barris seemed happy, and while that sight was enough to begin melting her fear, Magda could only think of how angry her mother would be in the morning. A servant came in and Barris pulled them to the corner. Magda sat down on the couch she and Barris had been sitting on earlier. Her mother would forbid her from going outside for the rest of her life most likely. Then she would take all of Magda’s favourite books and jewels. Even ban her from seeing Barris, the horror! Magda jumped when she felt something on her shoulders. Looking behind her Barris stood. Except he was now without his coat. His burgundy waistcoat fit him like a dream and he’d just finished rolling up his sleeves inadvertently showing off his well defined arms. That was when Magda realized, he’d placed his coat over her shoulders. She had to fight back a blush as she quickly looked down at her feet. His coat was incredibly soft on the inside. Magda fought the urge to cuddle into it,
“I’m not sure there’s any blankets close by, so I hope my coat is suitable.” Magda’s throat was dry. She could only nod and smile. Barris chuckled as he sat beside her. Pouring himself some tea. The fireplace that sat beside the couch roared. The soft flames flickering in their dangerous dance. Thunder and lightning flashed outside. Magda whimpered with each boom. In her fear she did end up pulling Barris’ coat tighter around her shoulders. Barris hummed before speaking,
“Lady Ellenstein, may I ask you something?” Magda glanced at Barris,
“You may.” She watched as he shakily breathed out a sigh,
“Well, I was wondering-” There was an especially loud boom and Magda scrambled up beside Barris. He sighed with a smile,
“Nevermind my Lady. You just stay right there.” Magda smiled to herself as Barris placed his arm around her. As the fire began to die and the thunder waged war outside Magda had never felt more comfortable. Slowly there was a tug at her shoulder and when she looked to Barris she was pulled down beside him. As she laid beside him he looked serene against the orange glow of the hot embers. Barris was holding onto her just tight enough that Magda didn’t even bother trying to move. Besides, with the thunder and rain still pounding at the glass of the window, she was too afraid to leave. She snuggled closer to Barris, and watched him smile. Slowly his eyes opened and he whispered,
“Good Night Magda Ellenstein. My dear little songbird.” Barris leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Magda slowly looked up at Barris a heavy blush forming over her cheeks,
“Barris?” Barris stiffened hearing his name. He gave an airy chuckle,
“Guess it’s a little late to say I love you, hm?” Magda felt her heart swell, nervously she placed one her her hands on Barris’ cheeks. He leaned into her touch, and then she placed her lips on his own. Barris held her tighter as he leaned into the kiss. For Magda her first kiss felt like she was flying, and when she pulled away her soul cried out for more,
“I love you too Barris.” Barris cradled her head, then adjusted his coat to cover the both of them as best it could. He smiled delightedly, kissing her forehead one last time. Magda giggled,
“Do you think my mother will be mad at me tomorrow Barris?” Barris laughed lightly,
“Only after she stops harassing you for a wedding date. Now sleep little songbird. We’ll talk in the morning.” Magda cuddled closer to the man she loved the one she was choosing to love,
“Good night Barris.”
Do you have pics of dobermans with uncut ears/undocked tails? My neighbor had one when I was a kid and she looked like a dachshund on stilts
I see where you’re coming from with that statement actually, they do! I’m glad you asked for them actually because here in the UK it’s illegal to crop or dock them so these are the only type i really see. Enjoy these cuties :D

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I taught him this maneuver in a lost city high up in the mountain tops of the Himalayas
Liquid J is now a genderfluid deity that can manifest any form to influence the mortals they want to help.
Meanwhile, in prehistoric Canada…..
No no, you don’t understand, moose really do get that big. Take it from a Canadian. I’ve seen that bullshit in person. Scary as all heck.
And that’s how people can die if they hit a moose. Seriously, one of our fears when driving in the country is having to deal with this scenario of a moose jumping out in front of the car.
moose are actual legit ice age megafauna; theyve been here since the ice age, they are old as fuck. they also are pretty terrifying and ive echoed this before but i went to wiki and “In terms of raw numbers, they attack more people than bears and wolves combined” and “ In the Americas, moose injure more people than any other wild mammal and, worldwide, only hippopotamuses injure more.”
like, fuck off with that
I was dog sitting a dog once who insisted she had to go out in the middle of the night it was an emergency, so I took her out. Suddenly she starts pointing and barking and I look up and can just make out the outline of a HUGE moose. I’ve been accidentally face to face with a black bear and that scared me less than being up close with a moose. I’m 5 foot so imagine staring up at an animal several feet taller than you that is debating charging the dog who’s leash you are holding. I was terrified as I grabbed the dog by her collar to get better control over her and backed up slowly til I was out of line of sight and bolted for the house at a dead run. Did you know most Canadian lake monster stories come from people seeing moose swimming? They are massive animals.
They are massive and they charge. I get so scared when tourists are all “oh yeah, we got out of the car to get a closer look and, ya’ll have some mighty impressive animals around here.” Yes, yes we do, and they have mighty tired guardian angels because moose can, and do, charge at people.
Someone my mom worked with died hitting a moose on the highway. Their eyes don’t reflect light. In the dark they are literally nothing but a big slightly darker shape in the night. Roughly every year in the town I grew up in, a cow (moose) and her calf will wander through downtown. Maybe once or twice. If she’s aggressive enough, the local Mounties will escort her through to keep idiots away.
I’ve definitely talked with people who thought moose were deer-sized or maybe horse-sized and I was like NO YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND MOOSE ARE TERRIFYING
Moose are terrifying, you guys.
I finally live on a province where moose and deer exist.
I do not drive at night in fear of meeting one. If you hit a moose going 90 on a highway, not only is your car trashed, you are probably trashed. I’ve seen cars that got wrecked and there seems to be a consensus that at least half the time, the giant fucking beastie just shakes itself off and continues gallumphing along the countryside.
If you fucking hit a moose with your car and their legs go through your windshield, congratulations, you are dead. Massive hooves kicking you to death? Yeah.
Moose are fucking terrifying. Bull moose won’t fuck with you too much unless you fuck with them, but the time a bull moose casually swaggered his way past 7 year old me when I was sledding literally put me off winter sports for a solid month.
Momma moose and their babies, though? I legitimately had to call in to work to be like “ey yo there is a moose in my driveway and I can’t get out” AND MY MANAGERS UNDERSTOOD.
Moose. MOOSE.
I have to admit I thought they were like a Canadian deer before this.
The commenter above who claims that moose’s eyes don’t reflect light is only partially correct; if you shine a flashlight in a moose’s eyes it will glow like a cat (and then you will probably get killed to death by an annoyed moose) but the reason they are so dangerous to cars at nights is that they are too tall for the headlights to reach. Think about that.
Moose confirmed for actual kaiju.
Kaiju category: Maple.
Now I kinda want a kaiju movie set in Canada where it’s just a moose. Like a regular moose but more aggressive.
@ssalogel
For scale, a female african elephant is 7.2-8.5 feet at the shoulder, according to Wikipedia. A moose is 4.6 – 6.9 ft. at the shoulder. So instead of thinking “This animal is a bit bigger than a deer” you can think “This animal is barely smaller than an elephant”
And they can run up to 40 miles per hour
A 16 wheeler with fur
SO in Britain all the swans may belong to the Queen, but lemme tell you about Hamburg:
Hamburg is built around a river, so there’s many many many canals (the 2400+ bridges put Venice and Amsterdam to shame), as well as a fairly sizeable lake (here the smaller section, innit precious):
This means a shittonne of swans
(stay away from the swans) (seriously don’t go sailing on the lake because they WILL chase you). Obvs swans aren’t made for cold weather (p sure they’re all Australian immigrants actually) so Hamburg has an official job position to take care of the issue.
This dude’s name is Olaf Nieß (trying to spell his name on non-German keyboards must be fun):
This guy’s job title is “Schwanenvater”, aka “swan father”, and his job literally consists of getting swans to safety before the winter chill sets in. How does he do this, you wonder? Easy: he goes up to EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SWAN in the city and sticks them in barges. I’m serious:
Look at this dude and his swans
Swans are like Satan’s personal pet and he paddles around with barges full of them like it’s nbd.
I fucking love this guy he’s braver than all of us and deserves some recognition for his absurd line of work.
best moments in gaming journalism
journalist gets real yakuza members to play yakuza 3 and asks for their opinions on its authenticity
that’s it
highlights:
“What’s with all the fucking gaijin in this area?” “Dude, don’t say that, use gaikokujin, it’s nicer.” “Oh, shit, right. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in this area?”
“The breaded pork cutlet bento box is like mega power. More than ramen. That’s accurate.”
all of them start dragging kiryu for his shitty cheap shirt for five minutes
“Shooting people sends a message.” “So does shooting anything.”
(after being told that massage parlors, mahjong, and hostess clubs were cut from the US version) “I feel sorry for the people who bought the American version. SEGA USA sucks.”
S: I don’t know any ex-yakuza running orphanages. K: There was one a few years ago. A good guy. M: You sure it wasn’t just a tax shelter? K: Sure it was a tax shelter but he ran it like a legitimate thing. You know.
HOW COULD YOU FORGET THE BACKSTORY THOUGH
JAKE ADELSTEIN COVERS THE YAKUZA BEAT AS A FREELANCE JOURNALIST AND JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW THESE DUDES

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By the way, just in case this helps someone -
COOKING - creativity is okay
BAKING - stick to the recipe (you can usually adjust sugar content to taste, though)
BREAD - wait for the right weather conditions (or engineer them), be one assertive and self-confident motherfucker because dough can feel it if you aren’t, a blood sacrifice probably helps, trust the gods
PASTRY - your God is dead, the god of gluten and madness is risen, abandon all hope ye who enter here
well that’s fairly accurate
Thank you, Chopped fandom.
The Onion’s review of Mamma Mia 2 is the only one I need
I feel like this is directed at a specific person. I don’t know who but I hope they got the message.

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Lmao
modern art
Okay, at this point there has to be something wrong with me, right? I’ve watched this 20 times in the last half hour, I still don’t know what they are saying half the time, but it doesn’t seem to matter because i’ve been crying my eyes out laughing for the entire last half hour …
what the fuck is this from i gotta know
it’s called letterkenny and it’s about a man who gets dumped and then goes on to shirk his pacifism and reclaim and hold his title as the toughest dude in the rural town of letterkenny ontario. every episode cold opens like this in increasingly bizarre ways.
I read the bit about not being able to parse what’s being said and then I read the bit about it being set in this fuckin province, and I thought, like, what kind of accent could they possibly use that was so incomprehensible while still setting it in northern goddamn Ontario? and actually, okay, you know what, despite having lived immersed in it my entire life I’m not sure i’ve ever seen this exact accent on tv before, it is just weird to see actors using it
My cousins grew up with the guy who wrote this show and is the main actor. It’s scary accurate for hick town Ontario (it’s based on the town of Listowel) and apparently some of the characters are based so closely on real people that they’ve recognized themselves while watching.
ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT IN THOSE SHADES OR PLAY POKER STARS DOT COM
Distribute some free literature.
I lived near Ontario in rural NY and we picked up this sort of similar affect. It’s so scary how true-to-life this is in that area of the contintent
I’m just gonna leave a link to season one episode one right here…
annnnnnd here’s all of season one
annnnnnnnnnnnnnd all of season two
Don’t say I never did anything for ya. Enjoy glorious Canadian humor.
SEASON THREE PREMIERES THIS CANADA DAY
I AM PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT.
THAT WAS THE GREATEST ALLITERATIVE MASTERPIECE I HAVE EVER SEEN
if golf and football switched commentators 😂
I just lost 3 years of my life
UNMUTE THIS OH MY GOD
This would immesurably improve both sports.