Archosaur Archmage

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

UPDATE: I think I may have gone too far on this. I was making a whole production of being stupefied and enfeebled after he brought me my morning pistachio frappe. I had my manservant bring me to my chambers so I could cough weakly in my bed with the sunshine falling weakly across my pallid face because I know he really likes that but he didn't even smile and I heard him whispering "I didn't even poison that one" to his dark serpent. Now he hasn't even whispered maliciously into my ear all day and the servants say they saw him alone in his chambers bouncing his scrying orb into the wall. Should I come clean and apologise or do I try to make it seem like someone else poisoned me? It might cheer him up to have an imaginary rival to plot against

Y'all don't even know about Jimothy in Seattle, do you?

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.