hey, i'm cleo, i'm a genderfluid trans lesbian who lives in the uk, and despite pretty solidly using the internet non-stop since i was 8, i've never had a tumblr account
i've witnessed some stuff by lurking individual accounts and tags before, but never had an actual presence
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I do think the post that's like "when they torture you to insanity and then torture you for being insane đđ¤Ł" is one of the most succinct and foundational analyses of interpersonal violence and conflict that had ever been written
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you have to be careful reading too many things that are good/smart/well-written bc then you encounter something that isnt and you get confused like ? why didnt they just make this good ? were they stupid
I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me
when you show up to the met gala you should immediately be faced with a panel of fashion experts and art historians before you even get to the red carpet and you have to explain your outfit choice and why it is on theme for that yearâs event like you are defending a phd and if you canât produce a coherent defence they turn you away at the door and the people of manhattan are allowed and encouraged to throw rotten produce at you as you get back into your car in shame
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if I just had the presence of mind and the wherewithal and the chutzpah and the bandwidth and the executive function and the energy and the mental resources and the spoons and the right attitude and the capacity and the gumption and th
okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where heâs going to be a sex pest, namely: âDo you know where the term âblow jobâ comes from?â
and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!
his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Manâs Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.
So I Answered It.
and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you canât just say âoh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940sâ without first explaining that âblowâ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain itâs fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-
i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. iâm sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didnât realize he wasnât looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.
anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe donât start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.
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no wait think about it. kylo ren not being force sensitive, but so desperate to be so heâs willing to do anything. he feels cheated out of his grand destiny, his powers that his mother and uncle (and cousin?) have. give me the story on the entitlement towards the force. it would have shown that the force is beyond biological, it always has been. it would have given a better reason for kylo ren to âfall to the dark sideâ, so desperate for a connection to the force that he plays the part of a dark sider, swinging a cracking red lightsaber around with no finesse or training, killing hoping that it will push him further into a dark side of the force he cannot feel. it would have given a reason for him to hate han; that because han isnât force sensitive, itâs his fault that kylo isnât either. kyloâs character would have been stronger because his choices would have been his own, instead of whatever whisper dream manipulations they were in canon. his evil has nothing to do with the force, but an entitled man trying to claim a power he believes is his by birthright.
this would have foiled perfectly with finn, too- one is a child born to the most powerful force sensitives in the galaxy who cannot feel the force. and finn is a child who was taken from his family, forced into soldier-hood, who feels such a deep and powerful connection to himself and the force that he breaks free. kylo ren, seething and entitled trying to claim a destiny and power that just arenât his, and finn, who has suffered at kyloâs actions and still connected to the powerful light inside of him. the ânobodyâ hero of the sequels who has the power of the force and the legacy-born villain who doesnât.
I donât think Iâm an asshole. I try, sincerely try, to be a decent person.
But. Iâve noticed that on the relatively rare occasion when I literally have no deadlines, no schedule, no worries at all, that I am in fact just much kinder, more patient, and more helpful. When I have no stress on me, I become that guy who will miss his train to explain how the metro works. I will carry stuff for you. Itâs just⌠Iâm a better person when Iâm entirely relaxed.
And I think maybe thatâs across the board? That maybe weâre all low-key kinda stressed all the time, and that makes us more hurried, less inclined to help, less compassionate⌠simply more selfish and less caring.
Which doesnât mean âYouâre stressed and that makes you EVIL!!!!â. I donât think people are necessarily like that. But maybe we just have less kindness to share when weâre like that. Maybe youâre normally a saint and the crushing weight makes you just be pretty nice most of the time. Maybe youâd normally be sullen and angry, and it makes you into a huge asshole who actively makes things worse for everyone. Maybe it makes a big difference, maybe it makes a little one. I think maybe we have trouble being nice to each other because of that, though. Because weâre always rushed and worried and stressed out all the time.
Maybe thatâs why the so-called friendliest countries are often the ones either with really good social safety nets (so less background radiation worry), or the ones that have culturally built-in de-stressing methods (so ways to keep a more even keel)âŚ