The Whismical Weirdo!

By the way, this might be the first time we've had both a Chicago Pope and Chicago Antipope. So there's that. I wrote all of this before the election of Leo XIV, but it still holds as true as I could make it. Most of my sources, as you'll note, are just Wikipedia pieces or direct links to sites.

Once upon a time (until his death in 2022), there was Pope Michael I of...Kansas.

A more serious look at his...Papacy (three followers plus his parents and maybe some Ultra Trad Sedevacantists on Tradcath Twitter).

And there was Gregory XVII

And Clement XV, his predecessor...in a small Sedevacantist cult known as the Apostles of Infinite Love in Quebec.

Greg 17 definitely carried on one tradition some popes indulged or covered up in...yeah, you guessed it...he was a rapist.

Wait, there's another Gregory XVII! But this one was Spanish. And also a rapist--running a cult church in Spain makes you a shoe-in for that sorta thing...c'mon...

You're telling me this guy (I'm pretty sure he was alive in the middle photo)... wasn't a sex pest of some sort (he definitely was).

He was blind, so...don't let lack of sight stop you from having a vision.

Unless that vision is to become Pope Greg so that you can abuse your self-appointed position of power to rape people and steal hand over fist from your cultists. Then maybe dream a little less antipapal and definitely less rapey. At least less rapey. Honestly if you want to become Antipope Gregory XXX Xander Cage, that's...fine. But you better drive the AntiPopemobile off a bridge and jump out with a cool parachute. Doing that while blind would be really impressive, like, I'd join your church because surviving that shit shows divine favor.

There was also a movie made making fun of him while he was Pope. Since it was made in Spain in 1986, I'm sure some of the humor might not be the most PC, but goddamn Spain, you just went for the throat like it was 1936 again. Good for you. Way to learn from years of Francoism, inquisitions, and Every Other Damn Thing the Church has put you through. I mean, you're not taking swings at the Big Guy in Rome, but a lot of your population is still Catholic and like Super Vocal about stuff so, hit where you can.

Following his death in 2005, the day after, like his liver wasn't even cold yet, Antipope Peter II (Manuel Alonso Corral), his successor, canonised him as a Catholic saint in the Palmarian Catholic Church as "Pope St. Gregory XVII the Very Great". So take that just Pope Saint Gregory the Great and all the other Saints Greg out there. They got you beat.

At least the Palmarians have a fancy (if a little tacky, but they might be compensating for their complete lack of legitimacy) antipapal cathedral-basilica. Peter II's successor , Gregory XVIII, was shunned by the Palmarians when he...stepped down as Pope, recanted his entire cult, and rejoined Rome as a layman, probably the only sensible guy in the bunch, just looking around and going, "Nah, we're not like serious with this, are we, guys? Like I saw the movie about the last Greg and it was pretty funny." Don't worry, you can still go there and high five Pope Peter III.

Just be sure to wash your hands after. Look at those creepy Swiss eyes. He's looking at the photographer like he just got caught with a whole bus full of nuns and nothing under his cassock.

Back to America, land of the impressive number of tiny dueling antipopes...

And of course there's the True Catholic Church (yeah, they didn't even try with that one) led by Pope Pius XIII and led from his See in...a chapel in Kalispell, Montana. I'm pretty sure that he was the one and only Pope of the True Catholic Church, but there might be someone in Montana wearing his hat and pimp ring.

I'm not going to get into the SSPX (Society of Saint Pius X) because I want to keep this light (lighter, anyway minus all the cults, rapes, and that sorta thing). Loosely put, they're a bunch of fucking mostly-French nerd-assed schismatics.

A little bit for Monica, she's my wife

A little bit for Erica, for her strife

My books all go to Rita, cause she reads

My greenhouse goes to Tina, she plants trees

The furniture is Sandra's, on my lawn

Jewelry for Mary, she can pawn

Ashes go to Jessica, that's my plan

Study with Sandro Botticelli and "What's it like working at Lush"

Botticelli and “What’s it

like working at Lush”

It also goes without saying that bioessentialism inherently can’t be trans inclusive no matter how hard you try. “All men including trans men—” probably not. “This is only a woman’s issue—” is it really? “Afabs only—” why? “All trans men are like—” what? what are they like? finish the sentence i dare you.

how measurements work in canada (ie/ badly)

Treat your feet to these hilarious and super soft Gengar Plush Slippers. Featuring the iconic mischievous grin and a long red tongue that acts as the footbed, these slides are the perfect mix of "scary" and comfortable.