Things Mattys Like

“You’re taking it out of context”, In what context do they sound good?

the funniest character headcanons are feral, homophobic and tax evader i dont accept constructive criticism and you cant change my mind

hates the irish, fucks to survive, war criminal

What sort of comedy is this because it describes me best

uptown funk made me sexually attracted to bruno mars…….

stop!!!

wait a minute

fill my butt put some liquor in it!

@pleaseperidont  @cuddlyplaguedoctor

I really like this.

Stop fucking reblogging this

This is soo bad its good

Thank fucking god for plumbers who are willing to go behind their corporate bosses’ backs and be like “yeah don’t pay the 150 dollar emergency fee just gimme 40 bucks under the table, also, don’t buy a water heater from us, my boss will charge u like 800 bucks. go to Lowe’s and ask for a Scratch n’ Dent, they’ll give you for like 200 bucks. Call me tomorrow and I can install it for you in like an hour” wow… solidarity

I cannot express how much I would rather slip one workperson 40 bucks directly into their pocket for doing me a solid by not making me get ripped off by his bosses, like…….. thanks bro

You know i just reblogged this but im reblogging again to say i keep looking at baby jesus with the lighter and cackling madly because i love this so much

this makes me laugh every year

Item: can of German party soup

you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when im not talking

wow this is a fucking mood

Baron Vaughn (x)

I’ve never seen such an appropriate font change in a gif set.