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I was hoping for exactly one thing when I unmuted and I was not disappointed

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whippet
I was hoping for exactly one thing when I unmuted and I was not disappointed

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vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off
She Would Say That. She would DO that.
i think i found my new favorite artist on twitter
(source)
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A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.
#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus
I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious
A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)
Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.
Hey don't cry, okay? We just found Attenboroughās long-beaked echidna, a species thought to be extinct for the past 60 years.
We confirm the ārediscoveryā of Attenboroughās long-beaked echidna (Zaglossus attenboroughi), one of only five modern egg-laying mammals and
So Sir David Attenborough was already a well known naturalist(the docementary kind, not the nudist kind) in 1961 to have an animal named after him, then lived 60 years thinking the animal went extinct and now lives to see evidence of it not being extinct. That is both incredibly heartwarming and a very Elf-core thing of him to do. He truly is an archdruid

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This is mesmerizing to watch.
actually physically painful to watch because you know months were spent masking all those frames for each of the kajillions of transitions in this
Holyā¦ā¦ā¦..shmokesā¦ā¦.
Oh?? My god??
Iāll try my best to describe this. Itās a video with a mash-up of a bunch of different Disney movies, set to a song thatās a mash-up of a bunch of other songs. That in and of itself wouldnāt make it praiseworthy, but this is DONE SO WELL that just, holy cow.
HOLY SHIT
Every time I see this, I HAVE to watch.
It is Law.
The thumbnail doesnāt do it justice, but I donāt think one single image really could.
i have a Persian agenda where i encourage every man i know to grow the longest and prettiest hair possible
personal agenda. Personal.
iām speechless. thereās a guy for everything.
fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBIād
I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and thatās mean and shitty
I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasnāt allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.
Love, love, love reading more proof that everyone should encourage the children in their lives to write to elected officials--it teaches them about citizenship and can also be very funny.
When I taught second grade, one of the options for students who had finished their work was to write a letter to the president. I would send all of the letters in a big envelope at the end of every month.
Watching my students get more and more frustrated with him (and concerned about his wellbeing) was not the result I'd hoped for when I came up with the idea, but it was kind of hilarious.
See, Obama had a standard packet with information and activities about his dog he'd send in response to letters from very young citizens...and of course his office sent one back to our class every single time we sent mail.
So eventually all of the letters looked something like this:
Dear President Obama, I am writing about the environment. I am sad that the Great Barrier Reef is hurt. Also the Amazon Rainforest. Can you help? PLEASE DON'T WRITE BACK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOG AGAIN. WE ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT BO. WE COMPLETED THE MAZE AND COLORED HIM IN. It is good that you love your pet a lot. But try to remember the environment. It is also important.
I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area theyāve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record Iām fine with
But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy
Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy
Hello!
Howdy!
Iād like, uh, two normal rolls.
Sure thing!
And one with the⦠With the pumpkin seeds.
Which do you mean?
The one with the⦠With the seeds.
What are they called?
Uhm⦠A, uh, ācrunchy pumpky.ā
Sure thing. Would you like anything else?
Uhh⦠Iāll also take a, uh⦠A⦠A Nutella donutā¦?
Unfortunately, I donāt know at all what you meanā¦
A⦠One of those right there!
You really must tell me, whatās it called??
I⦠Iām⦠Iām a dumb piece of shit.
Sure thing! Anything else?
That one there?
You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]
I⦠Iām a little greedy pig, oink oink?
Do it!
[grunts like a pig]
That comes to ā¬13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!
Hello! Iād like an āI hate my fatherā and two āI have a small williāā [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

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ābits to use in everyday conversationsā
Ćtzi the icemans' murderer could still be out there. We just don't know.
How do we even know he was called Ćtzi?
Did he have his name written down on something?
Or is that what the people who dug him up thousands of years later decided to name him?
And how TF does he even have a fanbase?
How TF do you even get a fanbase just for being murdered?
Apologies if this is all stuff you already know and you were being rhetorical but he definitely was not called Ćtzi!
Ćtzi is a 5300-ish year old mummy, found in the Ćtztal Alps in Italy (hence his name). While the earliest form of writing was emerging from Sumer at the time, Ćtzi likely came from a civilisation with no writing system.
Ćtzi has a fanbase because frankly he's absolutely fascinating. For a long time he was the oldest tattooed person ever discovered (in 2018 older Egyptian mummies were discovered), with 61 tattoos, a series of lines and crosses, primarily on his joints. These tattoos were likely an early form of acupuncture since he had worn joints that likely caused him pain.
The amount we've been able to study and understand about Ćtzi is incredible, and he has offered us an incredible view of the European Copper Age. He was 45. He was 5"3. He was around 50kgs. We know what his final meal was, how he dressed, where he came from and how he travelled to the Ćtztal region (through pollen in his lungs). We know he was involved in copper smelting (high levels of copper and arsenic in his hair). He could still have 19 descendants alive today. We know he was sick three times in the last six months before he died. We know he had whipworms. We know he was lactose intolerant.
We know he was murdered. Not killed by a stranger, or robbed. He was murdered by someone, and it was probably personal, and he did not know it was coming. He bled out, from an arrow to the back, and nobody helped him.
His last meal was elaborate. He was not on the run, or in a hurry to get away. He was not chased up those mountains. Where was he going? Why was he being followed? His body was not looted. He was a wealthy man, for his time. He had good quality clothes, shoes that people have reconstructed and hiked up the mountain in (and found surprisingly comfortable, apparently).
Weapons, too. He was found with a copper axe, a knife, arrows and an unfinished bow, baskets and medicines. These were all valuable possessions. People were not so rich back then that they could easily discard items like this- so why were they left to rot on the mountain with him? Was the fact they'd been touched by Ćtzi really so repugnant to whoever was on that mountain?
There are at least 4 other people's blood on his gear. On the knife. On the arrows. The arrow that they shot him with was left in his back but the shaft was removed.
We know so much about Ćtzi. We know everything about his finals hours- except for everything about Ćtzi. We do not know who he was, we do not know his name, and we do not know why he was killed. His murderers stand in the shadows and will never come out into the light.
Anyway, that's why I find him fascinating!
11 year old border collie: gets a special shot for his chronic back pain this morning
2pm: "where's the dog he can't possibly have jumped over the fence"
3pm: "hi i live in [another village]! I got your dog here, if you can come fetch him?"
"well at least that new medication is working š"
Joyce Macdonald, 1979.
Tess is very very determined and nothing is going to stop her from doing what she wants.
Escape attempt foiled by own desire to nom

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today i learned about the easter bilby.
Indeed!! Since rabbits, bunnies and hares are, sadly, invasive species in Australia, Bilbys are a much more appropriate Easter mascot for the land Down Under.
Plus they are cute as heck and are incredibly important from an ecological point of view as ecosystem engineers - their tunneling abilities and constructions of intricate underground burrow systems make them an essential element of their habitat. There's a few options around Easter for chocolate Bilbys, and you can see them quickly disappear from the supermarket shelves along with the other Aussie Easter Mascot - Puddles the Chocolate Platypus.
I would also encourage you all to check out DreamWorks 2018 animated short Bilby. The story is really cute and the style plus animation well done :)
pacific rim fucks severely for a lot of reasons but my favorite is that it opens with "the lizard aliens are unionizing so we built robots running on the power of love to fight them you got all that right" and before you have time to really process that concept bam gunshot body on the floor and the movie goes "now consider the vast power of grief in this setup" it never really stops considering
It also has a scene where the robot uses a boat as a baseball bat. That also fucks tremendously.
It is quite literally the greatest movie ever made.