first ever gay dog

Where I come from, we don’t worry about these fruity-tuity California style buds. Okay? I’m from Scranton. What i’m smoking is dirt. So lets get that straight jack. Pure brick. Ass. Okay? America- Americans are wanting to smoke that dirt, okay? You go up to someone and say, hey, I’m gonna give you a big bag of this heady bud, but I’m taking your stash of mids, they’re gonna say C’mon man! get out of here! *audience cheers* that’s right. that’s right. Get the hell out of here! We like stems! We like seeds! Where I come from.

this post is scripture to me like this is a seminal text. to me

like once a year i get seized with a compulsion to listen to oingo boingo's no one lives forever 100 times in a row

it's happening again right on schedule... i am being possessed by either the spirit of my father or danny elfman himself

i accidentally ate a little bit of lettuce and now i'm freaking the fuck out am i gonna get cyclosporiasis

i'm actually terrified but like am i overreacting or should i actually be worried

Me after one cup of coffee : i am beautiful and fast

i'm gonna be so fucking busy for the next week including the weekend i'm preemptively exhausted and miserable. and then i only have one more week before i have to move. can someone please humanely euthanize me

i just looked at my paycheck for next month and i rescind all my complaints it's gonna be worth it 🙏