Girl Boss

“nobody likes abortion” i do. i think its awesome actually.

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

IDK it pisses me off the way people act like murderers are some sort of great puzzle to be solved when 90% of the time its literally just a boring freak that hates women

ancient roman women whose husband keeps looking at the neighbour's boy quintus and he never looks at her that way and she can't even chainsmoke in the kitchen because they don't have marlboro blues in ancient times. and she can't even go to the club because they haven't discovered drum and bass music yet. her friend clodia's having visions of a woman named doechii but neither of them knows what that means

Everybody say "thank you south america" for the humble potato

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

Glassblowers and hat makers are so funny bc they're so obviously insanely skilled in these difficult crafts and 9 times out of 10 they're using that skill to make the tackiest shit you've ever seen

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

always get a large sized drink. you don’t know what life has in store

getting home is so epic it's like lol i'm home